Why Do the Bad Boys Get the Woman and the Nice Boys don't?

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Permalink Reply by Rachel LS on November 1, 2008 at 3:32pm

I do understand how you feel, it must be frustrating seeing guys who you may consider to be "bad boys" doing well with the girls. The thing is these guy will give off an air of confidence which in itself can be considered attractive initially.

Personally I like all types of men as long as their heart is in the right place. They say you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you meet your prince. Unfortunately at my age I've puckered up to many a toad! I've been out with some men who appear on the outside to be "bad boys" and yet deep down are good people and unfortunately I've been out with some guys who were 100% certain they were "Mr Nice Guy" when in reality deep down their lack of confidence made them controlling and unpleasant in a passive aggressive manner. It's actually very difficult to decide who truly is a Mr Nice Guy until you have really get to know them.

If you are suffering from a lack of confidence you could take assertiveness classes which will help when you are talking to women.

Also find other ways of meeting women were they will get a chance to get to know you for who you are and fall for you, for who you truly are. Drama groups, acting classes, art classes, dance lessons (the women always outnumber the men at dance classes so you should be able to meet quite a few ladies this way), different hobby courses and clubs will give you the opportunity to shine.

Also be honest with yourself, are you giving the "nice girls" a chance or are you going for the wrong type of women yourself. They are a lot of nice single ladies looking for love.

You will meet your ideal lady, believe it and it will happen. I have every confidence.

I wish you the very best of luck.

Love, light & happiness
Rachel
xxxx
www.wafflingon.co.uk

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Permalink Reply by La on November 9, 2008 at 7:47am

Hi there, Yes well the bad guys women are very needy and vulnerable and insecure and the bad guys can see this in them! the bad guys will then swoop in and blow them of their feet with promises of love and security and once they have them convinced will revert back to there bad guy image and behaviours/ its a tough lesson for the women of bad boys and some never get away and become victims the rest of their lives and a lot of them dye early! how do u break away from a bad guy relationship when you are so consumed by there lies and abuses!

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Permalink Reply by Hooked on Sparkles on November 9, 2008 at 4:59pm

Someone may have said it here since there are more than 100 posts -- but sometimes women go for "bad boys" because they don't really feel they HAVE the self-esteem they could have to be with a "nice guy." I know -- I spent time with one.

Women go for bad boys sometimes because they want to rescue them and have the reward of having these guys be vulnerable towards them.

Some women feel comfortable being with a man who abuses them or ignores them or disregards them, physically and/or mentally, because they don't feel they deserve anything better.

Bad boys are glamorized in our society.

And it doesn't mean that all bad boys can't be actually loving toward women, but then, they wouldn't be "bad," would they?

I found that when I was with a particular bad boy, he was actually filled with anger and hurt from a life that had challenges and abuse from the day he was born. And the problem was I knew he didn't want to change -- he just wasn't in that spot.

I felt sad for him and still do. I don't even know if he's still alive -- health issues due to drug abuse and smoking and alcohol may well have done him in.

I found it a very enlightening experience as I look back. There was drama and there was frustration aplenty. And at one point, I thought, I can't believe this is happening to ME when I got hurt by a slamming door. (The quintessential "I got hit by a door" thing but this time it was true.)

I still care about him, but I would never be with him again. I think I saw all the pain and hurt in him and I wanted to soothe it. So perhaps it was my way of soothing my own pain and hurt, too.

A nice guy must indeed believe in himself and yes, he will exude a sense of confidence that is just THERE and doesn't have to be cocky. He's a guy, I think, who would treat a woman like gold but wouldn't give so much that the woman would feel smothered, or he would come across as needy and desperate. He would have his life but share with the woman and allow herself to have her life. He would also treasure the woman AND encourage her in all that she sought to do. He wouldn't make fun of her like men do sometimes when women try to accomplish a task men think they have the sole ability to do because they're MEN.

A real man sees a woman as an equal, not someone to be superior to. Women can smell a rat when a man treats a woman condescendingly.

That's my view.

Yeah, a streak of orneriness is great in a man, I think. But that's must my view. I don't want a man who is pasta without the spicy sauce. So find out what you can do to be spicy, without being bad. Be unique, funny, clever if you can. Excel with your talents and share them in your own way -- you've got 'em, now flaunt 'em.

Lots of other thoughts -- I'm sure many of them have already been expressed here!!!

Mary Jo

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Permalink Reply by J_the_cat on December 1, 2008 at 10:55pm

I am the kind of girl that never liked bad guys.
I have always preferred - and still prefer - very kind and nice guys, because I basically am a nice and kind girl (at least, I think so, lol!)
Problem is, the nice and kind guys I wished for always fell for very bad girls, girls that were mean and egoistic and cheated on them.
This is one of the reasons why I'm still single, I guess!

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Permalink Reply by Divine Muse on December 2, 2008 at 1:52pm

I have the perfect icon for you. I'll post it later.

However, as for the bad boy thing. I think I've been attracted to bad boys. Sometimes I didn't like myself enough, but two of the most significant men of my past that I remember well, I wanted to help change them. I wanted them to be better. But they weren't ready to change.

Do nice girls date nice boys?

Of course!

I once dated a very nice man, but we couldn't stay together because I was in San Antonio and he was in Houston. We ended up not staying in contact, but I can tell you whoever won him over was a very lucky young lady. He was so dreamy. *sigh*

I think nice guys can win out, like the one I mentioned. He stood out because he was nice but was willing to take risks and chances. We did a lot of fun things and spoke about a lot of interesting things, I wouldn't have with a stereotypical "nice guy."

I don't know what others make of that, but he was one of the most positive experiences I had dating. I hope to have another experience like that, whenever I feel ready to tackle the dating world again.

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Permalink Reply by J_the_cat on December 2, 2008 at 5:31pm

Divine Muse, I really LOVED that icon, thank you!
Great post, by the way!

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Permalink Reply by Bora on December 3, 2008 at 10:32pm

Well this is so easy to answer. The answer comes from Braveheart, the movie.

"Men don't follow titles, they follow courage." William Wallace.

Women love courage. Their legs automatically open wide when they see a man with courage.

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