The point of various techniques is not to get better at these techniques, but to get better at creating and living the life you want. I can write beautiful gratitude lists, but if it doesn't help me feel grateful, then what's the point? I can vividly visualize and notice all sorts of details, but if none of them manifest, then why do I even bother? Or maybe I can recite what Abraham would say to all sorts of questions, but I can't live them and don't feel better, they seem meaningless.
I've (and I'm not the only one) mentioned that there is one solution to all problems. But based on my own experiences that hasn't always felt that way. Some days have felt absolutely hopeless for me and the distance between where i am and where I want to be felt impossible to cross. No solution felt adequate. I felt misunderstood and like it was so unfair. What often works for me (as long as I'm somewhat open, lol) is to ask myself what is it that would benefit me the most now. Tell ego to get out of the way and get quiet. It's important to get quiet because otherwise you can't "hear" the answer. You know how you may need a shot, but if you keep moving around, the nurse can't administer it, or if she tries causes more damage? Well, for me it's like that with guidance. So I tell myself, you can calm down for a moment so you can hear you guidance. And a moment is all it takes.
For me what came up was to stop judging. Of course I didn't like it so I asked again b/c obviously it was a mistake, haha. Well, it wasn't. Another moment later I couldn't keep denying that I engage in judgment and it consumes a lot of my energy. I love to write so I set out to get it all on paper. And at first, I'm like "Fine, here you go, but see, this is silly. I"m not really judging much. So a little judgment here and there." And then it all started to flow. My most personal and harshest judgment was towards myself and my spiritual processes. It made me feel righteous and just showed my logic and eloquence at being able to see a situation objectively. I mean, I have proof! I can quantify the work I've done and the effort i put in, the books I read, the techniques I practice, etc. etc. I'm feeling like a talented attorney at this point, LOL. I feel completely justified because it's my life and I"m taking complete responsibility and I'm doing everything like I"m supposed to and it's this damned Universe or whatever that's dropping the ball on my results. Now I'm angry and am totally blaming the universe and others. I got triggered because a result I hope for didn't happen. Another time, I got triggered when someone who is completely not into LOA/Spirituality/self development got an award that I deserved more.
But my judging happens towards my boss, my co workers, my family, a political situation. The theme has always been that I see things objectively, in fact when I point it out, I'm doing them a favor in letting them know how wrong they are. And I have a solution, so all should hear me (ego, I see what you tried to do, and I'm not falling it again). Since I'm in this situation, since I'm present and here for a reason, I have a responsibility to get involved. I'm better than them and when I point it out, they'll all see it. I also feel so much better about myself and am so proud for being so analytical and, of course, right. Ya'll should now thank me for pointing out what you couldn't see (OMG, this is embarrassing!!). I'm sure I deserve an apology somewhere there and OTHERS to correct their actions towards me. So demote the other individual, promote me, give me a raise, etc. etc.
This is completely INSANE! If anyone got through reading this account, bless you and I hope you don't judge me too harshly. Anyways, I own up to it. And when I actually am objective, I recognize that I judged a lot. Smaller or bigger, they took up a lot of my time everyday. And while I was engaged in judging everyone else around I wasn't minding my own business and focusing what want and what would be in my best interest to do/not do, etc.
I don't believe I'm alone in judgment. Going through this has helped me to uncover a huge block. Releasing judgment has been incredibly freeing. Afterwards. B/c as you're going through it, it's like hand washing dishes, The dirt has to come up before you get a clean dish.
I think it took me so long to face up to this because I thought that my judgments were protecting me. I thought I had some voice of reason and judging (although at the moment it felt like I'm looking out for everyone) was a good thing. But when you shine light on it, it's not good, it doesn't protect anyone, and it doesn't help anyone. What it was, it was a huge block, it drained my energy, it created further separation between me and others, the amount of resistance it was creating was ridiculously huge. Having cleared some of it up, I can say that you can't judge and vibe nicely to receive.
This is ridiculous!
Just today I came to the same conclusion about myself. I have so many judgements about so many things, people, events. It is slightly different from having preferences . And yes I have the same reasons- feeling better about myself . Also some of the things that I do like are my favorite because of how perfect they are. No doubt they are amazing but I am not much focused on the joy they bring but I am more focused on how superior these things are to my intellect.
I don’t think you should feel bad about this . I don’t think this is uncommon behavior. Well.. common or uncommon doesn’t matter really. I am more concerned about all the joy I owe myself .
As far as I remember .. I had hardly spent time judging others when I was in the best phase of my life. There certainly is a connection . The more connected you stay to your heart the happier you get and your life becomes so beautiful.
I do enjoy these epiphanies . In my case I know I need to be more compassionate. But the deeper belief is probably related to my lack of worthiness , which I am trying to make up for by indulging in criticism.
What is interesting is that I get this kind of clarity right after I finish meditating,
You're right, when you're really happy and enjoying what you're doing, you are not judging. And if you are judging, the problem is not with them or out there, it's within you. And that's one thing we have control over :)
Graysen, this one is getting to me. It's like a Pandora's box, I looked at a few judgments and there was so much more to look at. I appreciate it b/c it's an opportunity to clear it. But I'd be lying if I said that there weren't moments of overwhelm, anger, resentment and even hopelessness.
Judgment, in my case, took on a very logical voice. The logic makes sense and it's so reasonable. Then again, ego doesn't knock on your door and introduces yourself "hey, I'm your ego. I am totally ruled by fear and I'm here wrack havoc on your life. Let's get started." It's usually afterwards that the discomfort and unease and other feelings that emerge.
Right now, forgiveness is completely out of self interest. Honestly, I'm not even dealing with other people, I'm dealing with my thoughts and feelings about other people, my interpretation of how things happened. And my interpretation or memories aren't necessary the way it was. I understand these evens through lenses of my experience, I have no access to their perception, beliefs or intentions. You know how sometimes you may say a person was rude, but then you find you they had something really bad happen and you no longer think they're rude?
Witnessing my judgment, has shown me how much I suffer. Even if I'm actually right doesn't really help me if it makes me miserable. My logical mind can't exactly grasp this point, but that's ok. A feeling of deep peace and relief is replacing the misery.
If I'm judging and blaming I'm not really happy. And if I'm not really happy, it's hard to enjoy what I have going on in my life or be open to more good.
I think I was afraid to stop judging as a defense mechanism. In my learning history I had experienced being manipulated, lied to, taken advantage of, etc. I was thinking if I judge people and let them know, they won't hurt me (in any form that may happen). If they know that I know what they're up to, their scheme will be exposed. Without further rambling, in the end it didn't work. Judgment hasn't helped but hurt. Time for a change.