Am I A Hopeless Romantic?

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Permalink Reply by Angelz on December 13, 2008 at 9:45pm

where did u get this is there any site i wld like 2 have it...love abe and the teachings

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Permalink Reply by Lady on a wheelchair w/ THAT dog on December 5, 2008 at 5:02pm

Alex when it comes to getting others,
to do as we want them to do something ANYTHING
for US.

We ALWAYs have to TAKE US OUT of the picture and PUT THEM IN THE PICTURE then us back in much later.

There is a old retail company who FINALY became successful. They had GREAT produces, GREAT prices, GREAT delivery and GREAT sales reps. They couldnt understand why they were always in THE RED. So finaly they took a good look at what they were teaching their 'on the road' sales reps. The company knew it was not the employees fault it was the companys fault, they were failing thier people. They discovered they were so interested in themselves they foregot the customer. Now the Amyway moto goes something like (i am trying to remember because I dated one of their sales men for a couple of years) If you can find out what the other guy needs you can sell them anything. Something like that...it boils down to listening.

Listening is an art within itself. Listening is hard because when we listen to someone else we are no longer the center of attention. When we truely genuinely listen we are giving 'time to live' with another. People can tell when others are TRUELY listening or just saying they are listening and just blowing us off.

We LOVE to be around a person who GENUINELY listens because that person makes us feel like we are important and we want to stay around THIS person.

As for the person who just half listens if at all....we feel cheated and half angry ways at them. They were very clean to us, they had something else to think.

So Alex what does Love mean to you. Gleaning from what you have wrote....hmmmm
You want a woman to.....Love you......ok and this means>
co-dependent love, obcessive affection,

Alex for a while you wanted to know how come the DROP De-a-d GORGIOUS ladys were not interested in you. Then you worryed because of you height...personnally what you said was very attractive since sometimes I am only 4 ft high when I am on wheelz, but I am not DROP De-a-d GORGIOUS either. (Giggle, giggle Thank you Universe for not making me outwardly gorgious because them no one would see my beauty from within...Yea!!! YES!!!)

Any way.....ok so now I still think it boils down to you still looking into others eyes and sincerely listening to what others have to say.

women who are obcessive are dangerious either to themselves or the objects of attention. Usualy...not always but usualy these are young unless ...have you been watching Jerry Springer to much. Didnt you some of that is staged?

And alex I sent you a message about a show on I think G4 or CMT on cable called The Pick-up Artist2. I been watching that and it gives men step by step cloths to wear, what to say to keep women interested, what to say at a noisey bar to get women away from their men to you then join you at a table. I watch it just to learn.

I talk to everyone. Good looking guy give me scrunchy faces because I am not the face they want to give a smile back to then they see my service dog and I get a bigger sincere smile from most of them. It is like that Pick-up Artist says 'I got a special Item that brings (for me as a woman) men to me'. My service dog brings everyone to me and my life is GLORiOUS and RICH yes WEALTHY.

Still got to listen though...

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Permalink Reply by Mallica on December 5, 2008 at 7:16pm

Your question - why don't I attract love like so many other guys do?
Answer - Because you want it too much, too desperately.

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Permalink Reply by Hooked on Sparkles on December 5, 2008 at 11:35pm

I am copying and pasting in a word processing file so I can answer piece-by-piece:

You said:
O.k, I need some expert advice on this oxy-moron scenario.

My response: You are the expert about you. But we’ll try. You’ve already gotten some great advice.

You said:
I know of many women who talk about how badly they want to attract their ex and how much they love them etc....Now, I get a little jealous because, even though I have been married twice, I don't know if either one of them loved me enough to want me back.

My response:
Why do you think you have never been truly loved by a woman? Did these two women you were married to do so because they were interested in your looks only; your money, or something else?

You don’t know how the women felt about you after it was over. Only you know why those marriages ended. Did they end it or did you or was it both, a shared agreement?

Did you want either or both of those women back?

You said:
As a matter of fact, I don't know if I have ever been really truely loved by a woman. They may have wanted me because I was attractive to them, but being loved is a whole different thing.So now I get jealous of guys that are able to have women fall in love with them and want them, even if they were dumped by them.

My response:
Have you ever really, truly loved a woman? You seem focused on whether or not a woman loves you, but have you wondered how much love you have to give?

Did you ever talk about it with them? Did you ever discuss with them the reasons why you loved them and they you?

I think the biggest question I have is this: What is love to you? What does it mean to be loved? This may provide a real insight into why you feel the way you do.

You said:
I just don't get it. I am also worthy of love, just as much as the guys these girls were screaming over, yet I have never had anyone love me like that.

Why? Is there something about me that is repelling love? I want to be loved so badly. I want a girl to go nuts over me and want me all the time, and cry over me when she can't have me etc... I don't think I have ever had that, at least that I can recall.

My response:
Have you found a woman who is worthy of your love? Have you found a girl you’ve gone nuts over and want her all the time, and cry over her when you can’t have her?

Why do you want this? Do you really think that you would enjoy having a woman want you all the time and cry when you’re not around? Would that really feel good? To me that sounds like smothering, and codependence. She needs you for her happiness; you need her for your happiness. Is that real love? Love is able to set free and share deeply and miss and long and yet be joyful for the other. Love is able to be alone and with someone and never doubt that one is lovable.

But really. I think that if you knew a woman who pined over you and cried and demanded and was needy for your love, you would go barreling in the other direction, fast.

You said:
So tell me, what makes a guy that can get a woman to fall totally in love with him different then a guy like me that has to practically beg a woman to even date him, let alone love him?

My response:
I think that if you thought, deep down, that you were worthy of being loved and dated, you’d be doing that. You would be looking in the direction of women, and inviting them into your life, rather than expecting them to want you and being disappointed when they didn’t. You would be kind and loving toward a woman first, and if she wasn’t kind and loving back, you’d say, “Well, that wasn’t what I wanted, but I DO want THIS …(define what you want)…” and go toward it, in a positive manner. “This is what I love! I deserve love and I love myself and I know a woman is on the way to me that I can really love, and who loves me as passionately as I love her."

So if you want love, give it. Give it.

Don’t sit there and wonder why women don’t love you, and expect them to be google-eyed over you. Love yourself, then love a woman. It’ll go a lot better.

You said:
Now I assure you, it has nothing to do with my looks. I am a handsome guy, I just have a serious bad vibe or something that repels women. A perfect example is when I was in southern L.A. for thanksgiving, we stayed with a family who had a daughter, which had a boyfriend that was not even remotely attractive physically. Now his gilfriend was very attractive. On top of this guy not looking attractive, he really didn't have much of a personality either. He hardly smiled and didn't talk much. He didn't really treat her all that well either, YET she was head over heals for him. She cried when he had to leave out of town, and she couldn't stop thinking about him when he was gone. She is madly in love with this dude. I just couldn't believe it.

My response:
This gal’s attraction to this man and her tears, etc., say a lot about her, not about you. If she really felt loved and fulfilled in the relationship she had with this dull guy (or at least that’s how it sounds from your description), she’d be happy for him when he left town and would really look forward to him coming back.

As someone suggested here, she may not feel she deserves anyone who might better fit her needs. Or maybe he really does fit her needs. Her needs right now appear to be that of loving someone who isn’t good to her and appears to be rather dull and creates in her a sense of dependence and longing….that’s what she needs right now. It may not appear great, but that’s what she needs.

You said:
So, here you have an unattractive guy in both personality and looks, and a girl wanting him more then anything. Staying with them was me, a very attractive guy, and with a very loving and friendly personality who is very outgoing and attentive, yet she hardly layed an eye on me. all she could think about is her boyfriend.

My response:
Maybe you want to ask a trusted female friend what she thinks it is about you that might repel a woman. Or she might be able to tell you why she picks the not-so-nice guy.

Maybe you just shouldn’t be so nice (LOL). Just kidding.

You said:
Is there a logical explaination for this oxy-moron scenario? why don't I attract
love like so many other guys do? I have so much to offer, along with a gifted physical appearance as the icing on the cake.

My response:
I hope most of all that because of your “gifted appearance” and all you have to offer that you don’t put across the image that you think you are better than those other guys.

Brief summation:
Love yourself. This doesn’t mean you think that you are superior to others. Real love means that you know others have their own beauty, too – that comes from the inside. That’s the kind of beauty that is attractive. It doesn’t have to be an effort, it just is.

Then give of the love you have to others, at the same time that you love yourself. Don’t expect people to respond the way you want; be surprised. Let them love you. Maybe you are looking too hard for certain kinds of evidence of this, and you’re missing what’s really there.

Think about what you would like to have. You right now are simply focusing on what you don’t want. Visualize what you do want – a woman who adores you as you adore her. A woman who gives you freedom yet wants to be with you as much as she can, and vice versa.

Just let the give-and-take be natural. There are no balances here – just love, and let love. Love and let love! Now, that’s a good theme!

You said:
Any logical explainations? Thanks! ;o)

My response:
As I re-read this, I really feel that you need to give more so that more can come back to you, instead of waiting for others to get the picture about how lovable you are!!!!

This is as logical as it gets. It may not seem logical. But is love logical???? LOL!

Mary Jo

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Permalink Reply by Divine Muse on December 5, 2008 at 11:55pm

Mary Jo,

You're on point, once again!

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Permalink Reply by Queenie on December 7, 2008 at 5:26pm

My brother has always complained of this. Ugly jerk gets the pretty girl. I think for the most part girls can be messed up in this area. I also feel I want a "good guy" but always find the "bad boy" that has a strange past & I'm tired of that. I totally understand Alex & his situation. I feel I have alot to give as well, love and commitment and no game playing. Not sure why the people with those same desires never find each other. It's really sad. Good luck to you!

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Permalink Reply by Queenie on December 9, 2008 at 12:57pm

Thank you! I pray it happens for me.

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Permalink Reply by Lizzers on December 9, 2008 at 2:51pm

Er, can you tell that to my tupperware drawer? :-)

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Permalink Reply by Hooked on Sparkles on December 11, 2008 at 2:54pm

Ah, but lids and Tupperware...half of the things in my drawer are Tupperware bowls but no lids. Or plastic, anyway. I stopped going to Tupperware parties 'cause no one is having them anymore. They have passion parties, pampered chef parties, partylite parties, etc., but no Tupperware.

I was giving silly names to my rooms in my house (names I really don't use) and I wanted to call the kitchen the Tupperware room. Just because it's silly.

So let's go out and find our lids!!!!

MJ

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Permalink Reply by Retta on December 11, 2008 at 3:45pm

From someone who used to cry over men who left me..........it wasn't because the guy was so wonderful. In fact when I look back many of them really had treated me poorly. The crying was out of my fear and insecurity.

Perhaps you can define what love is. Real love. What does it look like? How does it feel.

Then rather than comparing your life with anyone elses life..........reach for the love you want. Be open to feeling love and giving love. What you expect is what you get. So identify what you desire and then expect to get it.

Retta

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Permalink Reply by Hooked on Sparkles on December 13, 2008 at 4:38pm

Why, yes! Why didn't I think of that? ; )

MJ

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Permalink Reply by Bora on December 13, 2008 at 10:21pm

"he really didn't have much of a personality either. He hardly smiled and didn't
talk much" this both describes me and Clint Eastwood. Me and Clint got that "I'll F*ck You up! Don't try it punk!" scowl.
yeah, its in Dirty Harry, all his westerns and in real life too! Women go nuts over that scowl and attitude, their legs
tremble and their panties fall to the ground. Rico, suave. LOL ha ha.

Alex, its not your looks, because I do see "unattractive guys" with decent looking women everywhere.
Obviously, your too pretty for those girls, and they don't like guys more prettier than them.
And also, you are destined to meet finer looking women, women 10++. Most women are average 6.5.
Women like Angelina Jolie, Adriana Lima, and Victoria Secret Models are 10s.

I love shoes more than I love women, to be honest. Man, I got my eyes on these Nike running shoes. I just
love it and I know they will serve my feet well, like a king. I give thanks I wear them now. That's true love.

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