As the title says, I am wondering if dating apps such as tinder, pof, ok cupid etc are damaging my chances of finding love?
Initially you wouldn't think it because it's a good tool to use to find someone on the same wave length as yourself. But what I've found is that it effects my confidence and sometimes it hurts when you see a girl only to be ignored. Or in tinders case you match with a good looking girl and then turns out shes just not that into you.
I want to have a proper go at using the LOA for finding a relationship to see what unfolds. I'll have to put things in place to carry it out in order to get the results but I need to be aware of what is damaging my chances so I can act on them.
As well as what BananasForDays says
Well I am on some and I DO get matches (not that often though and also I say on my profile things like i'm not looking for casual and I want dates and relationships and I think that drives a lot of guys away who just wanna get laid! but I do get some) and on average a date a month.
But for me again the issue is guys asking to hook up. Like STRAIGHT AWAY. They are into me, but in the sex of REALLY wanting to have sex with me, when I KNOW I have more to offer than just my body. I'm funny, I'm smart, I'm kind for e.g. I actually when I've been a girlfriend to guys in the past and i was even married - I make a darn good girlfriend and a darn good wife - not that I want to be a wife again, but I do! I've even been told that!
I haven't tried OK Cupid app might be an idea.
Anyway, what I am to do is to someone chat to guys offline more. Because some people say that those guys will move slower. It's harder though, to know if they are: single, straight and attracted to me! But I will find a way to say hi to cute guys offline even though I do get quite shy!
But yeah I think as well it's important for us to look at ways to raise our vibration and thoughts around this subject.
And, BananasForDays, can you please help both of us with the mindset around confidence with flirtations and attractions? My thing is to be like this offline actually but not too much!
Let me think now, Rugby guy. I mean I like listening to some things about attracting love but more from an LOA perspective, subliminals and whatnot. Sometimes that helps. Working on other things. I guess there's always good old affirmations about our love lives, being attractive etc too. And I think letting go of the past? Past of any rejections or whatever, to put that behind us rather than focus on it?
I thought it was the apps, or wondered that, but a girl was saying on Saturday night when I went to a meetup dinner, how she is not on any but several of her friends have met guys through it so don't give up just yet.
Look into the photos too, I've started chatting to a photographer apparently - actually I've just remembered I also skype with one too about other things - so I asked if I could send some FACE ONLY! :-) photos to learn how to take a better selfie and he's being helpful. NO kids or other women in your photos please! As a woman on these apps. If we see kids we think they are yours if you have kids of course put them in there but not if you don't! If we see another woman next to you, we well sometimes we even wonder if you are cheating on her on the app. I've even seen a video where OTHER women say
don't do those things!
And you can have one photo with sunglasses on but not your main ones or all of them or we wonder what do you have ugly eyes or what? I saw that on the video and have thought the same.
The jury is out for me on a nice gym/beach photo. YES it's attractive if he has a nice six pack :-) but a lot of guys with photos like that seem to just want sex. And, sometimes, women won't swipe on a guy with a photo like that because she will assume that or some will, and again, it was on that video.
Don't put a photo of your car or any car. You CAN maybe, but not as your main profile pic, we think you are trying to hide yourself, that YOU think you are real ugly. Again, me and the video agree on this.
Just giving you a woman's perspective here.
But above the tips, I think mindset is key and I am trying to cultivate this myself.
You COULD also get out there offline to meet women too, that's what I'm going to try to do, I find it rare to find guys I am attractive too and the biggest place is silly places like on the train - awkward! But it might help.
Don't obsess though. Have fallen into that trap and really trying to balance it out by working on my social life, will get back into exercise more etc.
are you ready 4 a relationship? do you really desire it? a video and some quotes that can help you:
Are dating apps damaging my chances of love? No. The only thing that affects your chances is yourself.
What message are you sending out? How are you representing yourself? How do you feel? You're the representation of yourself, and you're the one that will "sell" yourself to potential mates. You stand and speak with confidence? Do you portray desperation? What's your general "tone?" What is it that you present when actively trying to find a partner? What is it that you're really wanting from a partner? Do you try to play that "I'm Mr.Nice! So I'm good for you." type of plan when approaching relations? What is your "mating dance" to attract mates?
Think about your interactions with people throughout your life. Think about how what they do or don't do makes you feel. Does certain things that people do draw you to them? Make you feel better? Does certain things that other people do make you stay away from them? Make you feel bad when you're around them?
I know I'm throwing a lot of questions at you, but I want you to consciously think about the relations you've had throughout your life, whether it's intimate or not. I want you to think about how you represent and carry yourself in life. I want you to think about how people respond to the various ways we present ourselves. This doesn't matter if it's about intimate relations, business relations, or any other type of relations you have with other humans.
Know what a good tool is to find someone on the same wave length? Meeting them offline where you have the chance to actually meet them, not just some version of themselves that they portray online. This allows you to properly present yourself to them, and it gives you a chance to win them over, rather than them simply deciding based upon simple superficial means like it's a catalog of products.
Do you know what type of person you want to be with? If so, you can use that information to know where to look for such a person. You can use that information to make yourself a person better suited to being with someone like that. You don't obtain apples by standing under an orange tree.
Why do you want a relationship? Seriously, what is your true intent for seeking a relationship with someone? Is it for the sex? Are you lonely? Are you trying to find love because you don't feel loved, by yourself or others? Someone else pushing you to get into a relationship? Do you feel that it's just something you're suppose to do? Knowing what your true objective is, and being honest with yourself, is a great means of understanding where you need to begin the process.
Think on this some and answer the questions. I'll elaborate further on how you can approach it once I know a bit more about where you're at in your life and inside of yourself.