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As the title says, I am wondering if dating apps such as tinder, pof, ok cupid etc are damaging my chances of finding love?

Initially you wouldn't think it because it's a good tool to use to find someone on the same wave length as yourself. But what I've found is that it effects my confidence and sometimes it hurts when you see a girl only to be ignored. Or in tinders case you match with a good looking girl and then turns out shes just not that into you.

I want to have a proper go at using the LOA for finding a relationship to see what unfolds. I'll have to put things in place to carry it out in order to get the results but I need to be aware of what is damaging my chances so I can act on them.

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Well, of course it is not the dating apps themselves that are getting you into negative vibrational states, right? I mean, no website or app is capable of this. It is much more a matter of what you are putting out into these sites, and how you are perceiving and framing the feedback you are getting in return.

I'm sure others here will be able to brainstorm much more than just what I can think of for you, but my initial thoughts are these:

First, what if you could imagine some ways to interact with potential partners in ways that feel very confident and comfortable to you? Like, I wonder if it would feel confident and comfortable to just have a very light touch and a very casual approach when you message women on these sites.

Just like, "Hey, I saw your profile. I don't know a ton about you from just what you wrote, but I like what you wrote about your dog. So cute! If you happen to be online when I am online, I'll message you in real time. No pressure, just liked your vibe!"

Like, there is nothing about those specific words that I wrote, but I know that I wrote them from a place of total confidence. You don't know whether the people you're writing to, are your intellectual or spiritual equals, but if they are, they will FEEL a possibility of connection. And if they are weird women who are looking for men who drive certain cars, or guys who are smooth talkers, then they can just carry on, carry on.

The idea is that you're having fun. You're offering a certain amount of attention to women, who are probably perfectly good people.

A friend of mine used to go onto match.com and the thing she could always talk to potential women about, was how their experience on the site was so far. Have they talked to anyone nice? Have they ever met up with anyone from the site? Doesn't it feel a little strange to tell perfect strangers what your favorite football team is, or what your dog's name is? So, that was how she'd open people up -- just asking how their experience has been on match so far.

I don't know if this helps. I honestly am someone with a tremendous amount of confidence with flirtations and attractions, so if I can help you understand the mindset at all, I am happy to do so.

I don't ever see anyone as ignoring me or rejecting me. If i can get into someone's space, I can usually make them laugh, or have fun with me. I'll make fun of your favorite football team. I can make people feel good about themselves.

Gosh, I don't know if this is helpful at all. I'll add more if I can think of anything!

If you have really negative energies around using sites like these, they are not mandatory in the dating world, even in 2016, but out there in the in-person world, the same issues often seem to be in play. So I guess you could go either way -- use the dating sites, or not use them, just so long as you can find a realm of interacting pleasantly and positively with people who share a little bit of your vibe in life, who might be fun to get to know. Just that!

Hi.

As well as what BananasForDays says

Well I am on some and I DO get matches (not that often though and also I say on my profile things like i'm not looking for casual and I want dates and relationships and I think that drives a lot of guys away who just wanna get laid! but I do get some) and on average a date a month.  

But for me again the issue is guys asking to hook up.  Like STRAIGHT AWAY.  They are into me, but in the sex of REALLY wanting to have sex with me, when I KNOW I have more to offer than just my body.  I'm funny, I'm smart, I'm kind for e.g. I actually when I've been a girlfriend to guys in the past and i was even married - I make a darn good girlfriend and a darn good wife - not that I want to be a wife again, but I do!  I've even been told that! 

I haven't tried OK Cupid app might be an idea.

Anyway, what I am to do is to someone chat to guys offline more.  Because some people say that those guys will move slower.  It's harder though, to know if they are: single, straight and attracted to me!  But I will  find a way to say hi to cute guys offline even though I do get quite shy!

But yeah I think as well it's important for us to look at ways to raise our vibration and thoughts around this subject.  

And, BananasForDays, can you please help both of us with the mindset around confidence with flirtations and attractions?  My thing is to be like this offline actually but not too much! 

Let me think now, Rugby guy.  I mean I like listening to some things about attracting love but more from an LOA perspective, subliminals and whatnot.  Sometimes that helps.  Working on other things.   I guess there's always good old affirmations about our love lives, being attractive etc too.  And I think letting go of the past?  Past of any rejections or whatever, to put that behind us rather than focus on it?  

I thought it was the apps, or wondered that, but a girl was saying on Saturday night when I went to a meetup dinner, how she is not on any but several of her friends have met guys through it so don't give up just yet.  

Look into the photos too, I've started chatting to a photographer apparently - actually I've just remembered I also skype with one too about other things - so I asked if I could send some FACE ONLY! :-) photos to learn how to take a better selfie and  he's being helpful.  NO kids or other women in your photos please!  As a woman on these apps.  If we see kids we think they are yours if you have kids of course put them in there but not if you don't!  If we see another woman next to you, we well sometimes we even wonder if you are cheating on her on the app.  I've even seen a video where OTHER women say

don't do those things!

And you can have one photo with sunglasses on but not  your main ones or all of them or we wonder what do you have ugly eyes or what?  I saw that on the video and have thought the same.

The jury is out for me on a nice gym/beach photo.  YES it's attractive if he has a nice six pack :-) but a lot of guys with photos like that seem to just want sex.   And, sometimes, women won't swipe on a guy with a photo like that because she will assume that or some will, and again, it was on that video.

Don't put a photo of your car or any car.  You CAN maybe, but not as your main profile pic, we think you are trying to hide yourself, that YOU think you are real ugly.  Again, me and the video agree on this.

Just giving you a woman's perspective here.

But above the tips,  I think mindset is key and I am trying to cultivate this myself.  

You COULD also get out there offline to meet women too, that's what I'm going to try to do, I find it rare to find guys I am attractive too and the biggest place is silly places like on the train - awkward!  But it might help.

Don't obsess though.  Have fallen into that trap and really trying to balance it out by working on my social life, will get back into exercise more etc. 

BananasForDays...tips, PLEASE!

I wonder if the first thing to manifest, is simply the relaxed, easy confidence of someone who ALWAYS finds the next excellent dating partner?

If we focus in on the vibe, "relaxed, easy confidence", it is the kind of thing you feel when you are in practice, and know you can get the job done. You probably feel a relaxed, easy confidence when you are driving around town or backing out of your driveway, so you know how it feels in many, many areas of your life. You've been driving for many years, and you have a feeling of relaxed, easy confidence.

For example, You KNOW that you know how to drive to the dentist's office, and you don't need special help from the universe to make it to your cleaning on time. You don't need the universe to make all the lights green on your way to your appointment, because you know how to handle red lights without turning around and going home. You "speak" road traffic -- if a car has his turning signal on ahead of you, you go around him, because that's the right thing to do. If an ambulance has his siren on and is on his way to an emergency, you pull over, because that's your move, if you are a good, competent, skilled driver.

Dealing with single humans is like this. You feel confident that you understand this realm, and you feel confident that you understand your task. You feel and you know that what you do among single humans is a path toward enjoyable interactions with dozens, which is the path toward conversations with many, which is the path toward finding someone who enjoys much one-on-one time with you.

One thing that would probably also be helpful, is to have the attitude that you LIKE meeting people who share the dating pool with you, but you have all the time you need and already have all the happiness you need. So, you approach others with a feeling of being fully open and receptive and ready to act, when you meet someone who is your spiritual and intellectual equal. But you don't have the icky vibe of "Where IS she already?" and "I sure hope this next person will be a good match for me and put me out of the misery of the search!" and "I am startng to feel really undesirable and really NEED someone to affirm that I am wanted by someone.". You feel how desperate and "low vibration" those attitudes are???

So, there are a lot of ideas in there to play with!

One thing worth paying attention to, is that you only feel a sense of confidence, when you DO know the rules and have certain skills, and certain tools in your toolkit. Perhaps you need a fuller understanding at how this works, and a little more in the way of skills? Perhaps you would feel more comfortable, if you had a better understanding of the human dating realm? That can definitely be brought into existence, but I don't necessarily feel it is something that can be faked.

That's like a 14-year-old trying to "manifest" driving confidence when they've never been behind the wheel, and don't yet have enough practice getting from place to place behind the wheel of a car. You may actually need to learn to strike a fun, happy tone with others, and know some ways of creating light, easy conversation. These are not hard things to learn, but they are worth learning.

Is there anything in there that you can use??? Mostly, I think you can transfer over other skills until you are quite good at opening women/men up to laugh with you, talk to you and spend time with you. From there, you have many, many possibilities!

are you ready 4 a relationship? do you really desire it? a video and some quotes that can help you:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bBR6bjacMno

Risultati immagini per perfect partner abraham hicks quote photoRisultati immagini per perfect partner abraham hicks quote photoRisultati immagini per perfect partner abraham hicks quote photo

This is such a wonderful topic, and I keep thinking of other thoughts to add. Mostly, as I see the posts here, I am reminded of things that have noticed in myself at various points in life.

One of these things, is that a person who feels that there are things about herself that are kinda dorky and undesirable, will probably come across as wanting to keep others at a distance. Like, it will surprise no one if I tell you that I spend TONS of time with my manifestation journals. And so I think I used to hold that aspect of myself with an attitude of, "People are attracted to me all the time, but then I have to tell them that I'm actually kinda nerdy, always running home so I can spend time writing in my journals."

Like, as soon as i noticed that I was doing this, I had to spend a good amount of time, mentally shifting. I took some time over the course of a week or so to mentally rehearse saying to people, "I am just in love with the laws of attraction, and I love getting good at being a manifestor". I had to be able to claim my gifts and my forms of self-expression, and not signal to a potential mate that I am a bruised banana that they should back away from! :)

So perhaps each of us has areas of their life where they have pockets of "I'm-so-gross" interfering with otherwise good vibrational energies!

Another thing I noticed very recently about myself is that, having met someone that very much floated my boat, I still had a lot of confidence about us spending time together, and saw good signals that my Libra had many good vibrational energies of his own. But I thought, "I am not a very sexual person. I wonder if others would prefer to date a woman who wants to shag all night every night? I wonder if it would be a disappointment for him to find out that I'm a lightly sexual human who's in no way a cesspool of lust."

And that energy of, "There is something you don't yet know about me, that would probably be a disappointment to you" was something that I wound up deciding to replace. I thought there was a much nicer energy in carrying the vibe, "I am lightly sexual, and I am just right for someone who likes connecting physically just as one of many avenues. I am an excellent match for someone who likes to connect through many non-sexual avenues as well."

So -- it is worth seeing whether any connection-inhibiting attitudes and ideas are showing themselves to you. Areas of fear, areas of mild shame.

I've definitely had them, and I could tell you about a few more of mine as well, because there were more than just those two. I mean, it is funny the way that even someone who attracts a lot of potential dating partners, can nevertheless be carrying a vibe of, "You don't know this yet about me, but I'm not as lovely as I seem." And I operated like that for many decades, but it wasn't rocket science to turn it around either.

Others can probably tell many similar stories! Those are just mine. :)

i honestly think we can help each other figure out good ways to move forward. We have each other, and that is good.

Are dating apps damaging my chances of love? No. The only thing that affects your chances is yourself.

What message are you sending out? How are you representing yourself? How do you feel? You're the representation of yourself, and you're the one that will "sell" yourself to potential mates. You stand and speak with confidence? Do you portray desperation? What's your general "tone?" What is it that you present when actively trying to find a partner? What is it that you're really wanting from a partner? Do you try to play that "I'm Mr.Nice! So I'm good for you." type of plan when approaching relations? What is your "mating dance" to attract mates?

Think about your interactions with people throughout your life. Think about how what they do or don't do makes you feel. Does certain things that people do draw you to them? Make you feel better? Does certain things that other people do make you stay away from them? Make you feel bad when you're around them?

I know I'm throwing a lot of questions at you, but I want you to consciously think about the relations you've had throughout your life, whether it's intimate or not. I want you to think about how you represent and carry yourself in life. I want you to think about how people respond to the various ways we present ourselves. This doesn't matter if it's about intimate relations, business relations, or any other type of relations you have with other humans.

Know what a good tool is to find someone on the same wave length? Meeting them offline where you have the chance to actually meet them, not just some version of themselves that they portray online. This allows you to properly present yourself to them, and it gives you a chance to win them over, rather than them simply deciding based upon simple superficial means like it's a catalog of products.

Do you know what type of person you want to be with? If so, you can use that information to know where to look for such a person. You can use that information to make yourself a person better suited to being with someone like that. You don't obtain apples by standing under an orange tree. 

Why do you want a relationship? Seriously, what is your true intent for seeking a relationship with someone? Is it for the sex? Are you lonely? Are you trying to find love because you don't feel loved, by yourself or others? Someone else pushing you to get into a relationship? Do you feel that it's just something you're suppose to do? Knowing what your true objective is, and being honest with yourself, is a great means of understanding where you need to begin the process. 

Think on this some and answer the questions. I'll elaborate further on how you can approach it once I know a bit more about where you're at in your life and inside of yourself.

If it is of any help, I will tell you about the guy that I am spending a lot of time with these days. I've known him for about six months now.

We passed by each other in a small little grocery store that serves a town of about 1,000 people, and he said, "HEY. I just saw you at the rental shop a couple days ago. You were getting a rental because your car's in the shop, and I was getting a rental because my car's still in New Hampshire.".

And I said, "Oh my gosh, New Hampshire. I went to school in New Hampshire!" At which point, he asked where I went to school, and after about three sentences, he said, "What are you doing? Come sit down and we'll talk some more." And so I ordered a cup of tea, and sat down with this guy and we talked for an hour or so.

Well, my point in telling you this, is that he pretty much didn't need a reason to talk to me. He said hello, because I seemed kinda fun the first time he saw me. In the world of socialization, you don't need but the thinnest of reasons to say somethng to someone. Including online! Especially when a person has joined an online site to meet people -- you already have your invitation to say something to them, and so just make contact and let the other person hear your voice, and let them feel a bit of your energy.

But the thing worth noticing, is that this guy said something (the "what he said" is pretty unimportant) with an energy of loose confidence and just throwing a comment out there to me without massive expectations on the line. He just did it. And I responded to his happy energy and his loose confidence, because that's the vibration I'm on too. So, this is how people can sometimes come together, with only the thinnest of circumstances to build on.

It is funny because while I was talking to this guy the first time, there came a point at which some strange man inserted himself into our conversation, and we couldn't quite shake him loose (we both do not like to be brutal in our rejection of someone, which we would've had to do, because the man didn't seem to have the idea that we wanted to return to our one-on-one conversation with each other). So we parted ways, without having gotten to exchange information with one another.

About a week later, i ran into him at the same market, and immediately said, "I'm so glad I ran into you. I was hoping I'd see you." because he is just someone who is nice to talk to. It might've turned out that in subsequent conversations, I might've learned that we have little in common, or that we are at different levels intellectually. But at the time, I did not know much, but DID text him to see if he woud be up for coffee on my day off.

Mostly, we both came at each other from a perspective of not needing to play it cool, or guard against rejection. We both did a happy energy of liking one another, without putting out any vibes of "I need to spend even MORE time with you now. You need to COMPLETE me.".

So that is kinda what relaxed confidence looked like in my world!

It is funny, because some people like to spend a lot of time with a person before delving into sexuality and physical touch, and I am one of these people. So we have not delved into sexuality or much physical touch yet, and that which remains to unfold, remains to unfold. But still, this is a man that I regularly spend six or seven hours with, every time I have a day off of work. So it has become a close and comfortable connection for me.

I do not know how this particular story unfolds beyond just this, and to be utterly truthful, I sense that we can manifest a close non-sexual connection if we wish, or we could manifest a stable and drama-free connection WITH physical intimacy. So I am actually open to either with this guy.

OK, now you guys know a lot about me. Weird! But that is how I manifested the connection that I have, or how my Libra manifested the connection with me. Either way you wanna figure it!

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