I first came into contact with LOA when a friend recommended 'the secret' to me when I was going through a rough patch (my mother passed and first love left me within a couple of months) so I was rather depressed and to be honest the two events really did hit me for six.
That was just over 4 years ago and I've healed to a certain extent, even though those events damaged me I do believe I'm a much wiser person and more driven because of it.
Anyway, upon watching the secret I decided to take action and use the techniques that the book preaches. Firstly I tried to use it to get my ex back. This didn't work and I now know why. It's because there was too much emotion surrounding her so I binned that idea and used it for my career. Now when I began this journey I worked in a terrible dead end factory job which I hated but I always wanted to work as a heating engineer. 4 years on and I've just installed and commissioned my first heating system which I'm proud to say.
I want to now use the secret to aid me in finding someone to settle down with. I used the 4 years to heal from my last relationship, I slept around a lot and just cracked on with life but finally, I feel that I'm ready for a relationship.
Now I know I shouldn't admit this but finding a girl that I actually like is hard and I find that whenever I like a girl they don't like me.
So I need to turn to LOA problem is that I don't have a clue how to attract my dream girl. I know what I want her to look like, what sort of person she is etc but I don't know how to apply this information to LOA and make it work in my way?
I was thinking that I should just dismiss my wants for now and crack on with something else such as fitness.
Any suggestions/thoughts welcomes.
Thank you for reading :)
Hi Rugby guy
Well the first thing is you need to be ready for long lasting relationship. This is what you ultimately want, but you need to really commit yourself to it 100% so there is no doubt in your mind. You need to realize you are signing up to love someone for a long time, no matter the circumstances.
My next point is don't fall for someone so fast. There is a chance you will become attracted to another person, even once you found someone. Be ready to be attracted to more than 1 person. It is natural, and it happens. The good news, and some people call this bad news, is there is no 1 right person; there are many out there.
Your next job is to stay focused on loving as much as possible. This is important because you might find yourself doubting on a mental level, but you should pursue physical love as much as possible. That is, being grateful for things, showing love to things and places, and staying positive in general. Nothing is more important than being positive, as much as you can.
Don't set expectations for any person. This often leads to a negative emotional state because if you get your hopes up and they aren't met, you might get disappointed. But this can't stop you from loving and showing affection towards things. You need to practice loving more to stay positive. This can be simple like hugging something or someone, telling someone you admire them, etc.
Try and feel good as much as possible, and be very general and NOT specific. Getting too specific can cause resistance to show up and that will bring you the wrong way.
Enjoy the process! If you are loving, then it's amazing the circumstances that will show up as a result of this. Once you are loving more, you become more comfortable, confident, and secure about yourself- especially in front of others. This is called 'acting as if' because you are acting as if you already have what you want, which puts you in the feeling state of having such things!
Always be patient, because even once you get what you want, you will still want more, and there will be a tendency to get impatient to want more right more so fast. Don't take the relationship fast, but still have a smile on your face at the end of the day. Take it slow, but steady, whatever you do.
Keep loving your dream girl! Do whatever it takes to act as if you have her, and remember she is yours.
Thanks for the reply!
So what sort of things do I need to do in order to bring this about?
At the moment I'm on numerous dating sites which I use to meet women just to sleep with (This is where I think I'm going wrong) but I get so bored when I'm not in work so I use it to fill my time up and it feels good until after I've slept with them.
I haven't used the LOA for a good while and I've forgotten what sort of things I should be doing. I did make a vision board years ago but that's in the attic these days and instead I have lists of goals/things to do.
Just went on sites and spoke to women that were not girlfriend material.
Don't get me wrong they didn't come flooding in and I was always upfront with what I wanted so that the women knew I was only up for a one night stand.
I use the fire and forget method. go on these dating sites and message the women you find attractive and forget about it. If they reply great, but if they haven't then it doesn't matter because you've forgotten about it :)
All the best with that!
If you are going on sites to find women to sleep with (nothing wrong with that by the way) but you will be giving out the message to THOSE women that you are ONLY looking for sex and NOT for a relationship so you might want to re-think your approach a little. Yes, it CAN happen, people CAN have a one-night stand that turns into a relationship. But what can also happen is they can think that sex is the ONLY thing you want and never see you as a contender as a sweetheart. So, they might be girls who if you made it clear (in a non-desperate way!) that you were open to the possibility of a relationship with somebody, SOME of these girls might be open to the possibility of a relationship with YOU.
It also depends.
If these are sites ONLY for sex, then it's unlikely that they want a relationship, but if it's a general dating site, then there is the possibility that there might be girls on there who are also open to a relationship and would LOVE to move (slowly) towards a relationship with you IF they KNEW that that was what you were looking for.
By the way, I've had a couple of guys say to me some guys only go on online dating for sex, maybe some guys think that's why girls go on there but for ME, I don't work with many men (mostly women and children and I have very specific tastes. Some girls on online dating DO want a relationship.
I could be completely wrong about all of this, by the way.
On the OTHER hand part of me thinks, well, having flings feels good to you in the meantime so DON'T stop doing that!
It does depend on the site, but also, I intended once to get some actual DATES - NOT sex but dates - from a sex app and I said that's what I wanted and I DID get at least 2 dates from that so-called sex app. I also spent two months texting with a comedian that OK he flirted a lot and in the end it went NOWHERE BUT he was a comedian so he could be very funny!
although that's POSSIBLY PART of it, what I said, put out the ENERGY of what you want to attract and maybe be a little bit upfront about it, just that you are open on the site to a relationship too.
Definitely the feel good thing is good advice. And maybe be open about who it ends up being, although having said that some people here HAVE attracted specific people. Do things out & about that you enjoy, if you have any hobbies or interests that YOU ENJOY (not referring to sex LOL anything ELSE!) you might meet someone that way. No, this time around so far that hasn't happened for ME, but it can be a nice distraction to go to these meetup groups and go to dinners, walks and other fun events, in the meantime while I am single. And to use the time to exercise too, for me that's bike riding and ice skating, YMMV.
I know how to attract lovers :-) Rick, if you want LOA tips I can give it a shot.
But for me, I too want to meet a boyfriend. I could care less about re-marriage - maybe if I have a boyfriend, 5 years later I'll marry him if he pops the question.
Do some of the things on your goals board.
Sex can be fun, no judgement here! but why not ALSO spend some of your free time doing non-sexual things and also ticking off some of the things on your goals list and feeling that sense of accomplishment?
If you want.
Here's a deal - and Rick, I'm including YOU in this too! Whoever, out of the three of us gets a happy relationship, we give the others our LOA tips that helped, to help the other two. Deal?
Not trying to thread-hijack but I too would LOVE some acting as if tips on relationships.
I've heard about the wedding ring one (anyone wants that, I'll share) but personally I'm in no rush for a 2nd marriage just want a loving relationship with mutual attraction and compatibility.
I wish I could offer you more help, but it's something I'm also working on.
Sometimes the guys HAVE come along though when I was just enjoying my life, doing things out and about I enjoyed. Like, I met the most recent boyfriend I had (I'm going to stop referring to him as "the last boyfriend I had" !) at karaoke!
So maybe it will happen like that for you.
I'm in the same boat that for me too, finding a GUY I actually like is hard. Seems sometimes when I do they DO like me back, but sometimes not enough! But it's rare that I find someone I really like and I fall in love rarely and it lasts the being in love can last AGES for me!! I decided today though I'm going to stop thinking of being fussy as a curse (oh the times I have WISHED I was more like "ooh, he has a penis, he'll do!" LOL) and started seeing being fussy as a BLESSING, even if I don't know right now HOW it is a blessing!
But I think we can do it - all three of us. Attract a love we adore and who adores us.
And, Rick, I hope you get your dream girl too, I really do!