Hi there lovely PI community. I need your help.
I want to stop missing the man I have loved for almost 4 years now. It was long distance. We barely talked in the past 2.8 years. He broke my heart once again recently.
I’m finally genuinely ready for him to leave my heart forever. I have struggled a lot over the past years in my efforts to stop missing him and stop thinking about him. I kept letting him go and kept falling back into the missing and desperately craving him cycle over and over ad over again.
Maybe somewhere deep in my heart I still had hope. Of having a proper relationship once again. Of seeing him, talking to him, touching him...
I want to stop hoping.
So if you have successfully removed someone from your heart, please share how you did it. Here’s what I request you to keep in mind when you share your bit:
- Abstract advice never helped me. I need help
with actual actions I can take
- Finding another guy is not an option for me because of my circumstances. It just isn’t.
- I have tried for years and years and failed to create enough self-love in me for myself. ‘Love yourself’ is a futile advice for me as that’s a challenge I might need another couple decades to overcome, if I ever do!
Sorry if this is a bit too much. I’m team trying to pull myself out of the unbearable heartache and humiliation. I would truly appreciate your help with this. Thanks!
Thank you Dorothy. You’re very kind. I hope the universe gives you back the kindness many times over
Thanks to you Sweet River. Here's an empowering quote i just read:
You are the creator of your own reality, and so you are not in jeopardy. You do not need to control the behavior of others in order for you to thrive. Your attention to things that you think they do that keeps you from your thriving is, in fact, what keeps you from your thriving… It is not what they do to you; it’s what you do to you in fear of what you think that they will do to you.
~Abraham-Hicks, Philadelphia, PA, 5.12.05
I just... hate myself So Much right now! I don’t know what possessed me to text him this evening. We had a brief phone call couple days ago (ofcourse I am the one who called). I was fairly calm over the weekend as I knew he couldn’t call me then. Come the first business day I started to get anxious and just started to miss him way too intensely. After a full day of agony I texted him. Politely asked if we could clarify a few things. That was over 4 hours ago.
I’m losing my mind at this point. WHY WHY WHY do I do this to myself?! WHY??? Noone has ever made me make such a fool of myself over and over and over and over again like this.. I have great self control when it comes to anyone or anything else in life. Except for this one guy. Ugghhh!!!!! I HATE this SO MUCH aaaaaggghhhhh!!!
Thank you so much Dorothy. The support really means a lot
You are the most welcome. Honestly i think that the real problem is not you contactin him but you not totally trusting life (and that's a problem we all have somehow haha), i mean when a person is obsessed with another person who treats her/him in a bad way it shows that she/he does not trust that life will show her/him a much better match when she'll start trustin the process of life. maybe he's not the right person for you and maybe if he starts chasing you you will realize he's not really your perfect match. sometimes we're attracted by the impossibility of the relationship more than by the relationship in itself because it's an interesting challenge or because we simply think we're not worthy of love. i'd say that you should totally disappear from his life, you can have your peace and dignity back in this way and you will understand if he's worthy of your love AND you'll finally focus only on yourself and your wellbeing. If he's the right person for you life will bring you two back together so don't worry about losing him, TRUST LIFE.
i think this affirmation and this advice are very very important:
It’s alright. Life is a journey towards self realization .
We don’t always make the right decisions .
It’s great that you have realized your self worth even though you may not always be able to act through it.
Look at it as a process that you wish to master! Pat yourself on your shoulder when you resist your urge to call him. Become aware of what goes on on your mind and have a loving conversation with yourself. Talk to yourself as you would talk to your child or best friend. Don’t restrict this to your relationship with this guy but in general start to value yourself more and act accordingly. This could be anything like taking care of your body with regular exercise, eating nutritious food, deliberately scheduling time for people who make you happy, giving some time for your hobbies etc.