In the spirit of what may occur over the next few weeks, I thought I would expand upon a subject which I have mentioned a lot before. Christmas is coming up, and that can mean a rotating cast of social events, but it can also be a time of insecurity for people, particularly around personal attractiveness. So this is a post for all of the Bridget Clones and men who resemble characters in a Mike Gayle novel.
You may be feeling anxiety about how you look, act or appeal to others, and no amount of " it only matters what you think " will be placating those feelings. There may also be nothing much on the horizon in terms of occasions, and you may be feeling bored, but fear not; because the answer lies in your VIBRATION.
By this, I mean how you employ the magic trick of SELF APPRECIATION. You have probably experienced it before, feeling bad or anxious about yourself before an event or occasion, and then leaving feeling like the unwanted last vol-au-vent at the buffet. I have been there myself, and all the talk of 'just be yourself' doesn't really cut much ice. If you have been left behind or just forgotten about, whilst everyone else is having a fine time, then the 'self' you have been for months or even years just isn't working. Something has to change. And that something starts first of all with your own cultivated sense of self approval.
The bottom line is that you have to like and feel good about yourself, in order for anyone else to do so; and if you are sending out little barbs of self-criticism, then reality will respond in kind by sending you situations which make you self-criticise even more. But what if you changed that vibration to one of self-esteem and feeling good about who and what you are? The effects would be markedly different.
Start with your positive qualities. List them and make the list long. It doesn't matter how trivial or insignificant they may seem, just get them down on paper, and then read them over and over a few times. The idea here is that you are affirming to yourself and to the world, that there are things about you which make you worth appreciating, and that gives you a positive foundation on which to 'build' more.
But what are you going to add to that? Your own affirmed positivity.
Pick a thought you would like to believe about yourself, and use it as an 'anchor belief' in your mind. One which focuses it upon something positive about you, rather than anything negative which you may have been employing and believing for years. Examples could be,
I AM VERY LOVEABLE,
I AM TRULY GORGEOUS,
I AM SUPERB,
I AM TRULY WONDERFUL,
I AM WORTHWHILE,
I LOVE AND APPROVE OF MYSELF,
or anything else which chimes with you. Start repeating it to yourself, and aim for 1000 times a day for 100 days. It may seem like a lot, but we 'waste' a great many thoughts each day thinking negative things about ourselves, so why not give positivity a shot?
And it may feel like you are speaking rubbish at first, but that is only because the mind has been so conditioned to self-criticism, that it will feel uncomfortable with something new. This is quite normal, and takes a bit of gentle persistence over a couple of days; rather like breaking in a new pair of trainers. They feel awkward at first, but after a few days of use, they mould to the shape of your feet, and the mind works in much the same way. After a few days of use, it too moulds to the feel of a new thought, and that new thought starts sinking in to become a subconscious belief, and the first stages of attracted reality.
Mind power in this way builds up a kind of psychic 'momentum' in which developments and synchronicities which are relevant to the thought which you are using, start manifesting incrementally. After about 3-4 days, you get what I call a 'golden point moment' whereby something happens to show you that your new belief is becoming live (attracted reality) and that changes are taking place. It could be an advert in a magazine, something you overhear, or in this case, an unexpected compliment from a stranger. There are many ways this could happen, but the bottom line is that you will be thinking; " aha, my thoughts are kicking in, I am starting to turn into a hottie, " and if you keep it up you will be.
Things will then start opening up for you, and they can come from out of nowhere. Things can cheer up, no matter what contrast may be happening in the present moment. Your thoughts and feelings are shooting outwards to create an especially wonderful 'pilot wave,' pulling in the people and circumstances which it is in alignment with. I am using Christmas as my main example, but this 'trick' can be done at any time of year, and anywhere you are. Anybody from a socialite of cosmopolitan London, to a pauper in the slums of Rio, or a farmhand on the remote prairies of North Dakota can become a hottie if they are vibrating as such.
Here are some examples from my own life:
1/ Several years ago, I was having a gloomy November where nothing much was going for me, and this slow flow had carried over into December, and my work's Christmas do. I had a really poor night (feeling like an unimpressive wallflower) and I was annoyed at myself; enough was enough, something had to change, and I deemed that better feelings about myself were the way forwards. I began to affirm these better things, using the ways I have outlined, and they started to attract better realities and reactions.
Opportunities soon began to arise, and one of which was a lads' night out on the weekend before Christmas which I was initially nervous about, because it would involve people who had treated me badly at the previous do. But I decided to go along anyway, because there is nothing like a successful second attempt, to overwrite the energetic aftermath of a bad memory. I made sure my vibration was very high going in to the night, and had a great time, but best of all was that I attracted an unexpected and very comely admirer, and caused a few surprises.
2/ A while later over the summer months came another work do, so I decided to employ the 'special trick' again, and began re-affirming great things about myself, and focusing on my positive qualities. On this occasion, I was more confident of the final outcome, and the admirer came in the form of a vivacious Geordie brunette who was full of the joys of life. Moreover, she was pretty blatant in her admiration, and I knew exactly what she was picking up on - the self esteem vibration which I had been sending out for the previous couple of weeks.
3/ Four months later, and it was time for a mutual friend's 18th birthday, and the possibility of more lady charming on my part, so I got my thoughts focused upon my own self-worth, and the outcome was exactly the same. Moreover, I was by now, very confident of how things would turn out, and was delighted with the end product.
I would like to point out here that you shouldn't say how or who you may attract, because of others' free will. You may psychically influence the person you want (as I did) but it is better to be open to ANY channels of attraction. In the first and second examples, I didn't really know who would pick up on my improved vibration, I just had a feeling that somebody would. In the third, I had a pretty good idea who would, but was open to other possibilities as well. That after all, is half the fun of it. You could indeed meet someone at a lively social occasion, bopping away under neon lights; but you could also meet them on a train journey, a shopping trip, a visit somewhere interesting, in a queue on your lunch break, connected with work, or at a house party as you are cracking open the egg nog. The Universe has infinite ways to bring them into your experience.
When they happen though, you will know it.
There will be a 'magic moment' of alignment where you can 'read' another person's energies, and they can read yours. Here is where LOA can get quite wishy-washy, because people will say things like " you can explain what it feels like, you'll just know it, " which isn't terribly useful, but there are some pointers. It could be something as Hollywood as the look in their eye (we have ALL had a flirtatious look from someone which telegraphs their interest) or a shared moment of auto-erotic preening, or a conversation you are having where you both understand each other, or you make each other laugh, or it may be as confident as the physical touch (confidently on their part, or them not minding on your's). Whatever it is, there will be a clear moment where you think " aha, this person is right up my street. THIS is the one I have been intending. "
At this point, it doesn't overly matter how you look, but it certainly does matter how you vibrate, and if you are vibrating highly, then you will draw in others of the same frequency.
I would also like to counsel against 'coasting,' which basically means stopping doing the things which have brought you the momentum in the first place. It could be something like complacency (feeling that things are going so well, that you don't have to keep up your good work) or it could be allowing fears to resettle in your mindset. Either way, it is like riding a bike, and then stopping pedalling: eventually the bike will slow down and stop, and so will the momentum in your life. Sometimes you may also feel that you are hitting a wall, and that things aren't working any more, and this is a moment which you have to identify clearly. I have found that after about 3 weeks of working with mind power, you get this hitting-a-wall moment, and start doubting what you are doing; so you need to keep on going. It is the ego's fear or change and improvement, but you know that you get results with CONSISTENT PRACTICE so if you keep on going, then you will arrive at a new level of experience.
(And if you start today, then 3 weeks from now will be the start of December, so you can get the hitting-the-wall moment out of the way before the social occasions really get going).
Once again, a lot of LOA theory can be very vague and wishy-washy, with platitudes like 'love comes when you least expect it,' which I think is a bit crap. Love and attraction come when you are IN ALIGNMENT WITH THEM, and that is created by you loving and appreciating yourself first and foremost. Give it a go, and see who comes into your world over the next few weeks.
Which festive star will shine the brightest this year? And who will be as vibrant as the Carnaby Street Christmas decorations?
The answer, is YOU.
"Pick a thought you would like to believe about yourself, and use it as an 'anchor belief' in your mind. Start repeating it to yourself, and aim for 1000 times a day for 100 days."
It sounds easy enough, but amazingly it's quite tough to stick to the routine. It's just so boring repeating yourself over and over again. And of course you could put it in the form of an audio recording and listen to it over and over, or put it in the form of a mind movie. But, personally I think it is important to speak your affirmations out loud, and to do so with conviction over and over again (even though it sucks). And unfortunately you don't get that level of involvement with audio recordings and mind movies. They are more passive methods and not as effective in my experience.
There is this pick-up-artist/dating couch named Richard La ruina. In one of his videos he talked about how he used affirmations to change his perception of himself. He wasn't always good with the ladies, and he also use to perceive himself as not being very attractive. But, with the help of affirmations, he was able to change that perception of himself. I believe he said one of his affirmations was "I am sexy". And now he has become just that in the eyes of many woman. He said these days it is not uncommon for woman tell him that he's sexy.
With some of the amazing physical changes that people on this forum have attracted with loa, it makes you wonder if saying something like that to yourself could actually make you become more physically attractive and sexy. Maybe such a statement, if believed, doesn't just change your perception of yourself, but changes other people's perception of you too because by believing it, it is actually physically changing you - making you more sexy. It's just a thought. I don't know if it really is or not, but it makes you wonder.
I absolutely LOVE this post.
While overall I've increased the attention I get over the last 2 years and sometimes I feel like I look better than ever, and I used to think I looked like a hedgehog! last week or so, I've been feeling quite ugh. Mostly it's cos I started getting heel pain in August, though it's a lot it's still not quite right so I haven't been able to exercise like I was doing except for a bike ride about 2 weeks ago.
Do you know any good affirmations for a slim and youthful face?
Face mostly DOES look youthful though not this last week, but also it looked a bit bloated this week and I don't care in a way if my body looks a bit fat though I HATE that and I was LOVING the curves I had rather than now :-( but when weight gets to my face, I am NOT a girl who can wear a chubby face well.
I had a few months in my life once too when I had almost a heart shaped face and I felt so pretty and I'd LOVE to get that again.
ANYWAY I am gonna use these tips and any ideas for a slimmer face please let me know too. I have pretty eyes if I may say so myself and I don't want them hidden by face fat. A lot of big lassies have HUGE eyes but not me. But I am grateful for my pretty eyes, hair and other features about me I really love.
I might try the 1000 a day....is that doable in a hectic job though? I guess it is or I could see how many I could do a day and increase it daily perhaps. A fun experiment for sure.
As always I LOVE the way you write so much. It's even quite poetic! And always helpful uplifting and wonderful.
Thank you for making the very start of my Thanksgiving day positive! This will be the very first thing on my mind this day, and it's also the very first thing I've given thanks for today! Loads of thank you-s from me!
An extra thanks for what you said about hitting that wall! I've hit that stupid wall so many times, and now I know what it is! I had no idea what it was so I just took it as some kind of failure and would end up right back at the beginning thinking I must've been doing something wrong all along and that my belief that it was "working" must've been some placebo, false belief! So this really cleared a lot of mess-ups up for me! And I know it will keep me from spiraling back out of control in the future. Thanks so much!
I think your post has actually stirred a new challenge in me! I've taken on (and actually accomplished!) so many in such a short time, and they've all been fun. I think you saying that if we start today, 3 weeks from now, in December, we could be seeing our benefits -- that has really sparked the desire to take on a new challenge (for lack of better word for it) for me! I think I'll try for better beliefs about myself and how I respond in my relationship. :) I tend to harbor a lot of fear in that area and it just bogs my relationship with my SO down so much! I've been working on it for a while and actually have made like a whole 360, but need more work and this way, it'll feel fun! I actually have basically changed SO much of who I *thought* I was and it's all amazing! I'm so much better and more fun and kind now, so this is the perfect challenge. By December, I just might be my perfect, comfortable and happy (not letting my spouse's actions and feelings determine how I feel at any given moment) self!
You have been such a brilliant inspiration to me! I will now work to hold this positive, high vibration that you've given us here throughout my day & make this one heck of a lovely Thanksgiving. ;) Thank you. I seriously was NOT feeling it before reading this... AT ALL.
You commented, "Pick the person you want to 'get with.' Can you match their thoughts, beliefs, feelings, mood fluctuations etc. That is actually rather difficult to do."
I would posit that the majority of people do this all the time. Think of all the people out there who don't know/don't believe in LOA. They go to bars, clubs, events, etc... and look for a partner. They find someone and then change themselves, their behavior, their thoughts, feelings, or whatever to suit this person. People go to online dating sites and do the same things. They often end up with someone, doesn't mean that person is right for them.
I do believe in LOA and have had it work for me and against me. I am just wondering about all the people who are unaware and just pick the hottie at the bar and go from there. Your thoughts??
This is such beautiful post Sir Neil. Thank you!
I think I might start my 1000 positive thoughts a day, today :)
well, you've pretty much described me in a nutshell lol. and, what's even more hilarious, i started my own tradition a few years back, of watching "bridget jones' diary" on new years day
i think you're right about the consistency, and i can tell you first hand, it's out beliefs. for whatever reason, i have manifested that i'm only found attractive to MUCH older men (who also tend to be married), or the 65 year old lady who wants to set me up with her nephew or grandson. the older women at my church constantly tell me how beautiful i am, yet i can't seem to get the 30 something, cute guy to even look at me once. i struggle with this all the time. but, looking back at my life...i WAS successful with this maybe 5 years ago, when i lived in st. louis. i had lived there with a girlfriend, and we would go out on the weekends together. we would always joke around that we would find the cutest guy in the bar to make out with...and you know what? we did! or, i would even find the guy most of the time, and she would kind of get jealous. i ALWAYS got a number from a cute guy...but, now that i'm living back in chicago (my hometown), and (my friend is married)...i DO kind of feel like bridget jones.
but, i will say, knowing how the loa works...i haven't done much to try and manifest this. i'll start with your affirmations today. thanks! :)