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Hi all -- been quite a while since I've been on here, but I am in desperate need of help. I've asked around on other forums (FB, etc.) and had zero answers given to me. 

Here it is: For over a decade, I have been trying to find a new job. The current one I have is at a newspaper, and as you all probably can figure out, it's in serious jeopardy. Well, now, because my bosses are trying to make this as painful as possible, they are slowly trying to kill the print product and in turn, eliminate my job. They're changing a number of things, such as an extremely early deadline where it's silly to put out a print product. With that, my hours are changing dramatically and it has a profound effect on my well-being, which is precarious to begin with.

I suffer from major depression (medicated and seeing a therapist), heart problems, obesity, pre-diabetes and a host of other things. I do what I can and love to go to Crossfit. But because of these changes, my future in CF is seriously in jeopardy and I won't have the ability to fix my meals or eat properly ( the higher-ups feel a bag of chips and half a banana constitutes a meal, plus we are almost required to work through our "breaks"). I won't have much of a chance to make appointments with my doctors as needed because our schedules change each week and the bosses, despite what our contract says, won't give it to us more than a week ahead. My anxiety is through the roof and I would have a crying fit ........ if I had the time to do so. 

They claim they consulted with us on the time changes, but when they did, the time change they made was NEVER mentioned, so again, another lie that hurts me.

After all that, here's my question: I have all this going on. I have times where I think I have a great job. I have a job where I'm not anxious. I'm relaxed. Life is great. That great feeling lasts as long as my car ride then I am hit in the face with this "reality." By the time I leave, I am so upset and depressed and anxious that I've lost sleep, had panic attacks in the middle of the night, all the good stuff. My father, whom I live with, is also very upset. He's a diabetic and a widower and I take care of him quite a bit. 

I know things have to change. I just don't know how to get my mind to get off the now and to look at life as I want it. If I do that, there are big reprecussions - I can't make a mistake at work (written up for the smallest details) and I have to plan everything I do to the minute, from driving to sleeping. I'm in no position to up and resign. I would have no income or health insurance. 

I've read all the books, listened to videos, watched shows, searched YouTube. And nothing works for me. Or sets in. I''d also love to lose 80 lbs., find the love of my life, be more financially sound, all the good stuff. 

I get very little support outside of .......... anywhere really. People just tell me to get over it and that's life. Suck it up. 

How can I focus? This is all consuming. I need changes before something horrible happens to ME. Like health-wise, etc. I'm tired of being lied to. I've sent out so many resumes for jobs, but I've only had maybe a handful of interviews, rejected by all. I just want to get the focus going because I know that's my problem. Any help here is appreciated. I'm always on the verge of tears or a nervous breakdown, not sure which will come first.

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The great feeling lasts as long as you focus on what you want. When you focus on what you do not want, you offer resistance and receive negative emotion as guidance from Source of what you are doing with your thoughts.

The reason nothing seems to work is because you’re doing this vibrational work to get your stuff, instead of to feel better. You, understandably, have been caring more about manifestations than how you feel. When you care about how you feel and feeling a little better, then you allow everything to work out.

You don’t get support from others as a reflection you do not emotionally support yourself. The more you accept and appreciate yourself, be nice to yourself, stop being so hard on yourself, give yourself the benefit of the doubt, look for reasons you like yourself, write down what you value about yourself, you allow yourself to receive support.

Instead of trying to focus, start with meditation. Stop trying to focus on anything specific, and start allowing yourself to feel relief. And meditation can be the easiest way to do that because it takes your focus off of the specifics, you go general and allow Source to guide you.

I always feel (and this is probably subconscious) that if I do not have my desires on my mind, they're gone. Ain't comin'. Nope. You think about what's going on now and if you do that, the suffering (for lack of a better term) continues. And I have a very hard time changing that thought.

Any suggestions for NOT falling asleep while meditating? I've tried it and always woken up the next morning!

Meditate in the morning for five, ten or fifteen minutes, after you have slept.

Here is a post I did: Satisfied Where You Are Does Not Mean Settling.

i love Brian's replies, as always :)

Hey honey there's only one place you'll find the support you TRULY need: in yourself. You already have your guidance inside, start meditating & feeling better and start noticing the endless ways in which the universe is guiding & supporting you.

im sure if you read the posts and caption of this manifestation coach you'll have much more clarity & strength:

https://www.instagram.com/strongbabecollective/

L'immagine può contenere: 1 persona, con sorriso, cielo, nuvola, spazio all'aperto e natura

L'immagine può contenere: 1 persona, con sorriso, testoL'immagine può contenere: testoL'immagine può contenere: testoL'immagine può contenere: il seguente testo "Because when you stop and look around this life is pretty amazing. @TracyKaufMann"

We have voiced that these deadlines are unrealistic, but the response has been as expected - they're happening and deal with it. Very discouraging. They say they want feedback. We give it, and they ignore it all and do what they want.

Unfortunately, my therapist appt. got canceled today because we were in the line of that snowstorm and she got snowed in. :( I mean, I'll reschedule, no problem, but it's just frustrating.

Oh, there are FAR more healthy options than bananas and chips (bananas have their place, true. But not as a full meal). We'll ignore my stress eating today.

I'm hoping I can go home and talk to my dad tonight. Not sure how well that will go, because he's dealing with his own issues with his brother who had open heart surgery in Dec. and is being very difficult about his recovery (unfortunately, he's been through 3 rehabs - and removed from each one) and we live almost two hours away, yet my poor dad is his health care proxy and has been caring for him. I really don't want to pile on more than he can handle - he's 75.

" Just take 2 pills and call me in the morning " 

"Just do this, change that, go here, see this person/thing, do do do do do .....change change change ..... 'juice Mommy juice ... juice juice juice .... more juice juice juice.... more more more' ! " 

"See, you get what asked for .... get back what you put out ... your 'vibration' is the cause ... yeah .. that's to blame .... it's the law after all ..... it's not a matter IF you are guilty .... it's only a matter of TIME WHEN you are punished for your violations of laws that are are inherently irresistible and impossible to follow.... the law of 'negation, opposites, contradictions, cause/effect" ... the law that opposes and violates itself !!! ".  

"Don't eat that forbidden fruit that I put in front of you.  Why ?.....just because. Yes but why ? Uh....because I say so .... or else you'll be punished.  Punished for what , eating the fruit or not doing as you demanded ?  Uh.... both !  Why is the fruit there in the first place .... you created it.... so why did you put it here in the first place if it's so forbidden ?  Don't ask questions .... do as I say dammit ! " 

Well.... that's runaround of a some story ..... never a straight answer in fabled nonsense !  

Ahahaahahahaahaha ! 

Negation is it's own violation, negation negates negation from ever existing to even negate itself.  Denial denied. 

A would be ... would be only if .... would be .... would ever be BEING ITSELF. 

BEING  BEING The ALL THAT THE ALL BEING BE .... THAT .... BEING-BEING-SELF   

I AM THAT I AM    

I-BEING-BEING-I 

I-Smile  ! 

Visualize the aspects of an ideal job and trust it is trying it here and you will run into it with the hell of universal LOA forces.

Well, found out today that some very shady stuff has been happening behind the scenes that I and another were not privy to, and it impacts us greatly. We used to have every third weekend off. Bad enough, but at least it was something. Now, with no prior consultation or input, they took the weekends away from the two of us, essentially promoted another person who has way less seniority than the two of us (he and I are about on par years-wise), gave her more responsibilities and in turn secured her position should more layoffs come down the pike. I'm waiting for my union rep to reappear right now so I can fill him in because I'm sure he has no clue this happened. Now, the "promoted" person has Friday nights and Saturdays off, a regular schedule and will be learning way more than I would and would be willing to learn. And the bosses know I would, but won't include me. It's very upsetting.

I did - to be fair to him, it was my birthday today, so if he didn't get in touch with me today, that was okay. The situation at work is that the bosses are very intimidating and make talking at the office hard. But I'll get him tomorrow. No one else to speak to - the other union person is the one who is being protected by management and I'm not too trusting of her lately

Thank you for the birthday wishes! Yeah, the management is horrendous. That's my goal - what I want to manifest- a new job so I can move on in life

Sooooo, just an update. I ended up having to email my union rep as things here at work keep deteriorating. No one seems to know what's going on here on any given day. I have one boss that spends his day standing over me at his desk asking me when my pages are done and how much longer. I keep getting pushed down "the food chain" in terms of work that would save my job. Any promise of bringing me into the "digital layering" aka where this newspaper is heading has been rescinded and I am solely laying out pages now, which puts my job in peril. And today, someone who has WAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYY less seniority than me acted quite high and mighty because she's being groomed to be kept on and was very nasty to me when I made a joke about the work layout being very difficult to read - hey, I'm 42! The union rep is avoiding my email that I sent him and won't talk or respond to me about it. And physically and mentally, I am deteriorating at an alarming rate. I couldn't get out of bed today and now barely eat. And I'm one of those people that when they are stressed, they don't LOSE weight - they gain, and I'm in the classification of pre-diabetic, so this impacts things immensely.

So with all that in mind, I don't know HOW to be able to manifest what job I really want. How do I deal with all this despite my best efforts to try to get attention to all the problems and focus on what I want? If my focus wanders for a second here, I'm in trouble. I go home at night and just collapse because I am exhausted. Then wake up and do it again. I really need to get out of here, if not just financially and professionally, but health-wise. But I know keeping the focus on the now just keeps it. I don't know what to do or how to think!!!!!!!!!!

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