Hi all -- been quite a while since I've been on here, but I am in desperate need of help. I've asked around on other forums (FB, etc.) and had zero answers given to me.
Here it is: For over a decade, I have been trying to find a new job. The current one I have is at a newspaper, and as you all probably can figure out, it's in serious jeopardy. Well, now, because my bosses are trying to make this as painful as possible, they are slowly trying to kill the print product and in turn, eliminate my job. They're changing a number of things, such as an extremely early deadline where it's silly to put out a print product. With that, my hours are changing dramatically and it has a profound effect on my well-being, which is precarious to begin with.
I suffer from major depression (medicated and seeing a therapist), heart problems, obesity, pre-diabetes and a host of other things. I do what I can and love to go to Crossfit. But because of these changes, my future in CF is seriously in jeopardy and I won't have the ability to fix my meals or eat properly ( the higher-ups feel a bag of chips and half a banana constitutes a meal, plus we are almost required to work through our "breaks"). I won't have much of a chance to make appointments with my doctors as needed because our schedules change each week and the bosses, despite what our contract says, won't give it to us more than a week ahead. My anxiety is through the roof and I would have a crying fit ........ if I had the time to do so.
They claim they consulted with us on the time changes, but when they did, the time change they made was NEVER mentioned, so again, another lie that hurts me.
After all that, here's my question: I have all this going on. I have times where I think I have a great job. I have a job where I'm not anxious. I'm relaxed. Life is great. That great feeling lasts as long as my car ride then I am hit in the face with this "reality." By the time I leave, I am so upset and depressed and anxious that I've lost sleep, had panic attacks in the middle of the night, all the good stuff. My father, whom I live with, is also very upset. He's a diabetic and a widower and I take care of him quite a bit.
I know things have to change. I just don't know how to get my mind to get off the now and to look at life as I want it. If I do that, there are big reprecussions - I can't make a mistake at work (written up for the smallest details) and I have to plan everything I do to the minute, from driving to sleeping. I'm in no position to up and resign. I would have no income or health insurance.
I've read all the books, listened to videos, watched shows, searched YouTube. And nothing works for me. Or sets in. I''d also love to lose 80 lbs., find the love of my life, be more financially sound, all the good stuff.
I get very little support outside of .......... anywhere really. People just tell me to get over it and that's life. Suck it up.
How can I focus? This is all consuming. I need changes before something horrible happens to ME. Like health-wise, etc. I'm tired of being lied to. I've sent out so many resumes for jobs, but I've only had maybe a handful of interviews, rejected by all. I just want to get the focus going because I know that's my problem. Any help here is appreciated. I'm always on the verge of tears or a nervous breakdown, not sure which will come first.
“How to be able to manifest what job I really want.”
Making peace with and feel better where you are. Stop judging and pushing against anything (which includes your negative thoughts and emotions), because that doesn’t allow you to manifest what you really want.
Meditation in the morning for fifteen minutes is the easiest way to allow what you want.
Excellent advice :), thank you.
Just to answer some questions:
Yes, this guy is our only union rep. I did approach him yesterday face-to-face, generally just asking if he had gotten the email to open up a conversation, but we were interrupted (very innocently) by the sports editor, and when I stopped to tell him about something we had been following, the union rep took the opportunity to bolt out the door. And he's on vacation this week, so enjoy that. (I have one coming up, so no jealous there. Well, maybe a little LOL) The major part of sending the email was to show paper-trail wise that an attempt was made if I did have to go any higher.
I really don't know about the boss that stands over me. That one's a tough one. I honestly feel that my work speaks for itself - I meet my deadlines with more than an hour to spare each day and turn out quality work. In most ways, I know it's the company that is looking for cost-cutting ways - get me to quit the job so they don't have to pay severance or unemployment or whatever. This is one of their usual tactics and I have seen it happen quite a bit here. So, at this point, I just come in, do my work to the best of my ability and go home at 8.
I've really been on the path of accepting what is going on behind the scenes with that. If that's their game plan, I can't change their minds and the only thing I can do is my job and know that I have to keep coming in and doing my job until they say otherwise. It's scary and tough, but it's all I can do. My therapist asked me if I can just accept that it's what's coming, and I said yes, I had been working on that.
As for doing something for myself, I just hope to wake up in time to get to the gym tomorrow. I have a bad habit of sleeping through my alarm. Heavy sleeper here.