Okay, so, I know Abraham always says that the only reason we ever want to manifest something is simply because we think that we will feel better in the having of it. Which is totally true. She also states that we can actually have the emotion that we want no matter what - regardless of whether or not we have the manifestation we want, and regardless of what is going on around us.
She says that if something that we perceive as bad happens to us, we can still feel happy or good no matter what, because its not the THING THAT HAPPENED that is making us feel bad - but rather, the thoughts that we are thinking about that thing, and the story we are telling ourselves, that makes us feel the bad emotion, and that since THAT'S the case, we can turn it around on a dime and feel better immediately, if we choose to.
What I'm NOT understanding, is, she says we are only feeling badly because of the story we are telling ourselves through our thoughts, but what if those thoughts are actually real truths? Like, for example, lets say that you and one of your best friends has plans for a while, and then day of, your friend ditches you for a not so serious reason (maybe she just doesn't want to go anymore but knows you will be disappointed about this).
Your friend IS BEING a shitty friend to you. Period. I mean isn't that a "truth"? Wouldn't anyone agree to that? So, yea, you could say to yourself well, I don't want to let this put me in a bad mood and I'm not going to let myself tell myself a negative story about how my friend is being a shitty friend, because I want to choose happiness as an emotion right now, but then aren't you basically lying to yourself? If the "story your telling yourself" isn't a lie, then how is it "just a story you're telling yourself" and not a TRUTH? And so if it is a truth, how can you just decide not to be upset about it if its something that truly upsets you?
Help me understand! :)
This heads towards a concept which might be hard to grasp, but here it is- What is truth?
To a tree outside your window- money means nothing. To many of us, it means the world. Your friend being a "shitty" friend is your concept and your perspective, not hers. What Abraham says in this situation is true- You are feeling badly because you are telling yourself and the world has told you that what your friend is doing is a "shitty" thing and something you should be upset about.
The way around this is to begin seeing things from a new perspective. Perhaps there was a fantastic reason your friend couldn't hang out with you. Something you have no idea about. Would this make the situation a bad situation any longer? You wouldn't know because you were never told, but from your friend's perspective she was probably just doing what she had to do in whatever situation she found herself in.
Whenever you are feeling bad, take a moment and try and look at the situation from a different perspective. Yes, there are truth's in this world from the human perspective, and from your perspective your friend was being a shitty friend, but from a different perspective (and this is what Abraham wants to us to get, to see things from a universal perspective) your friend was just doing "something", and all action is inherently neutral when taken from an outside viewpoint. The mind is what colors the actions with "good" or "bad".
Hope this helps! And check out the site =) you may find a lot of new resources to help you grow.
Now the answer I'm going to give you might not be acceptable to you right now but sooner or later you will accept it. Feeling good or positive emotion is not "really" an option, it's your identity. ,Feeling good is the nature frequency of your Soul. If you are not feeling good, feeling some positive emotion or just feeling at ease then you are not being who you really are. Now we have the ability to resist our nature state of feeling good but that only leads to manifestations we do not want to happen. Think of not feeling good or resisting your natural positive state like holding your breath and we all know what happens if you keep holding your breath. Positive energy and feeling good is your true Oxygen, your true life force. Your body and everything in the universe was created by this positive feel good energy. That's why resisting via Stress, anger, fear or any resist emotion feels so bad. You're resisting your life force when you do that.
Now as for responding to a situation in a resistance way because the situation is uncomfortable to you. Remember you attracted that situation to you. If that friend is being shitty then there is something in your energy that is attracting shitty friends. lol So if you're attracting these situations to you via your belief systems and emotions then continuing to feel "Bad" about the situations would bring more shitty friends and other situations you do not like. In my opinion Abraham is saying, of course that situation is true but YOU ATTRACTED that situation or shitty person to you.. So you can either find a way to feel good and change your belief systems so you can attract better situations and better people OR you can continue you feel bad and attract more shitty people into your life. I know it sounds a lot easier than it is but from my experience that's how life works. To quote Bashar "Every situation you experience in the Universe is neutral and has no meaning. How you respond to each situation gives it meaning. " So you have a choice in how you respond in every situation and I know it's easier said than done.
Law of Attraction = Like attracts like. So You're doing it all to yourself. The most interesting thing I have learned on this spiritual journey is every situation I experience matches how I feel in every moment.
I hope this helps but I know if it doesn't the Universe will give you an abundance of answers to choose from that will be more helpful.. :) Thank you for asking such a good question because questions like this helps me a lot when I take time to really think of an the best answer I can give.
Peace and Blessings.
“She says that if something that we perceive as bad happens to us, we can still feel happy or good no matter what...”
You can't feel good if you define it as “bad” or “wrong” or “shouldn’t have happened.”
“What I'm NOT understanding, is, she says we are only feeling badly because of the story we are telling ourselves through our thoughts, but what if those thoughts are actually real truths?”
To quote Bashar, “All truths are truth.”
So, you’re focusing on a not good feeling truth, when there is an equal, valid, good or better feeling truth, that you could be giving your attention to.
The question you could ask yourself is, why would you focus on a truth that doesn’t feel good when you could just as easily focus on a truth that feels a little better?
“Like, for example, lets say that you and one of your best friends has plans for a while, and then day of, your friend ditches you for a not so serious reason (maybe she just doesn't want to go anymore but knows you will be disappointed about this).”
You would only feel disappointed if you defined it as negative.
You could definite it as positive. You could soothe yourself and say, “Okay, they don’t want to go. That’s alright. That's okay. I can still have good day. What emotions did I want to have today? Well, let’s see . . . I want to have fun, I want to play. I want to laugh. I want to feel eager. I want to feel excited! I want to enjoy myself. What can I do that would be in alignment with those feelings?" And then you will still feel good, feel how you want to feel, and be inspired to other things you can do that are a vibrational match to how you want to feel.
“Your friend IS BEING a shitty friend to you.”
Your friend is offering an unwanted condition, and you have the freedom to choose to look at the lack of what you want, or what you do want. You can choose to define the situation as negative, or you can choose to define the situation as neutral or positive. It is your choice, of how you choose what you want to focus on.
How you feel has nothing to do with their behavior, otherwise you would be saying, “I need my friend to always act in ways I think they should, so that I can always feel good.” That’s conditional love, and that’s not your friend's job. It’s not anyone’s job to provide only wanted conditions. It’s your friend’s job to be themselves, and your job to tend to your alignment regardless if you’re presented with an unwanted condition or not.
When you practice conditional love, you're basically telling your friend, "If you behave in ways I think you should, I love you. If you behave in ways I don't think you should, I can't love you." Is that the kind of friend you want to be, one who practices conditional love? Or, does it feel better to tell your friend, "You know, I care about you, and I care about my alignment. So, regardless if you behave in ways I think you should or should not do, regardless if you present a wanted or unwanted condition, I choose to be in alignment, feel good and love you unconditionally. How I feel will no longer be dependent on your behavior. How I feel will be based from my alignment with who-I-really_am, and from that perspective, I focus on loving you regardless of the conditions. It is my dominant intent to focus on unconditional love."
“Your friend IS BEING a shitty friend to you... I mean isn't that a ‘truth?’”
Yes, it absolutely is. But, it’s only one of many truths.
Another truth would be: Your friend is being a good friend (by offering you contrast to help you gain clarity that you don't want how you feel, your alignment with Source, to be dependent on someone else's behavior). It depends on how you look at it.
Being a good or great friend is not dependent on them only behaving in pleasing, wanted ways. If it was, then your friendship would be conditional—you would have a conditional friendship. What you want is an unconditional friendship. That no matter how each of you behaves, you each tend to your own alignment and let the other off the hook for how each one of you feels. That is what it means to have an unconditional relationship with someone: you no longer hold them accountable for how you feel.
“‘If the "story your telling yourself’ isn't a lie...”
ALL stories you tell yourself are true. Why? Because the Universe and Law of Attraction responds to your beliefs and vibration and will prove them to you. Whatever you think, is true for you. So, why not choose a better feeling truth than a worse feeling truth?
“And so if it is a truth, how can you just decide not to be upset about it if its something that truly upsets you?”
You pick your truth. Since everything is true, you don’t want to pick something based on whether it is true or not (because it is true), you want to pick something based on it’s vibrational content, by how it feels, and use nothing else as your measure of whether you want to think it or not other than by how it makes you feel.
Thank you Brian!
...lets say that you and one of your best friends has plans for a while, and then day of, your friend ditches you for a not so serious reason (maybe she just doesn't want to go anymore but knows you will be disappointed about this).
Maybe the reason felt serious enough to her--even if it didn't to you.
Maybe there was another reason she decided not to go, that might have passed muster with you as a "serious" reason, but she was too embarrassed to tell you, so she gave you a not-so-serious reason instead.
Maybe she just wasn't as emotionally invested in going to the event as you were, and didn't realize how much it meant to you, or how disappointed you'd be.
Do any of these make her a "shitty" friend, according to some objective measure of truth? Does this incident honestly represent a TRUTH--that she is a shitty person because you felt disappointed by her actions in this particular incident?
And while we're at it, is it less shitty to expect someone to do something with you when they really don't want to? Does your definition of "friend" include "must serve my happiness at the expense of her own, and never disappoint me?"
You've decided she's being a shitty friend to you, and that this is objectively true. But it's not.
You don't like what happened; you feel hurt and disappointed; you're angry she didn't go along anyway just to make you happy. There's nothing wrong with having those feelings. But you've taken all of those feelings and decided that they add up, indisputably, to SHE IS A SHITTY FRIEND. End of story. You've chosen to define her as such, based on your emotional response to her actions, and you've decided this is the TRUTH.
But is it?
Someone else might run the possibilities I've mentioned above through their mind, and look at all the times that person had actually shown up and carried through with plans, and decide that, despite their hurt feelings, the person has otherwise been a good friend. They still want to enjoy similar events with that friend in the future. They'd weigh it in their minds, and decide the chances were good there wouldn't be a repeat of the incident, or at least that it wouldn't be a regular occurrence.
So they'd think, "Well, that incident felt shitty, and I don't like that it happened; I feel hurt and disappointed and yes, a bit angry right now. But I'm going to make peace with it and let it go because she doesn't normally do this, and I enjoy our friendship and don't want to harm it. Besides, there have probably been times I've disappointed her more than I realized, and she didn't mention it, so I guess that makes us even."
Or, if this was a regular recurrence, and that friend repeatedly left them in the lurch, they might say, "My friend isn't so hot at making plans and following through. But I like her company when we do get together, so I'm just going to line up something fun as Plan B every time we make plans, and if she flakes out, I'll still get out of the house and go do something enjoyable. Or, at least I'll be mentally prepared for a last-minute cancellation, and not be so crushed when it does happen. Either way, it will be okay; I don't have to toss the friendship."
And here's another thing: sometimes, choosing happiness as your emotional response to things like this just doesn't work. You try, but you can't seem to get there. It feels fake, because it is. And frankly, grinning and bearing it and forcing yourself to be HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY is never necessary or appropriate.
Personally, I rarely live in a state of perfect happiness and joy, and I never try to force myself to be happy. There are times when it's perfectly appropriate to experience grief, anger, wariness, doubt, sadness, pity, or other "negative" emotions. The key is to go ahead and feel them as part of the experience you are having in that moment--and then, when the moment has passed, do what you can to move on from them into something better. It doesn't have to be ecstasy, or boundless joy--just better.
Emotions are ultimately information about your inner state of being; they're not imposed on you by others' actions. A strong negative emotion is telling you what issues you need to address within yourself. Ignore, deny, or suppress it, and you're missing out on a chance to learn something valuable about yourself.
It's easy to say, "My friend hurt me," placing yourself in the passive victim role and calling that the truth. But it's a lot harder to say, "Wow, I really felt hurt and angry and ready to declare her a shitty friend when she cancelled on me. Her actions brought up some very unpleasant feelings. So what unaddressed fears, doubts, and insecurities still exist within me that I feel this way, and how do I go about clearing them up?" Her actions pushed one of your big wounded spots, and this intense emotional reaction popped up. If you didn't have wounded spots, you wouldn't have felt so hurt and angry with so much intensity, and so ready to declare that she--one of your best friends!--is, according to Objective Truth, a shitty friend. Look at the information you got from this experience, and others like it, and use that to start healing those wounded spots; as you do so you will start to find happiness a lot less elusive.