i am immersed in a web of taking care of everyone else- fixing things for everyone else close to me. Meanwhile I've been unhappy for the longest time. I'm drowning in a lack of joy. Guilt over my broken family. I can't even type the words because of the guilt. Ok here goes.
Well i sat there a bit and decided that the details dont matter or at least I don't feel like saying it all. Let me try again. I love each person in my family but one of my children is transgender and this has caused others confusion and grief and to me this is unacceptable! Unconditional love is EXPECTED! I won't tolerate anything less. So I have had to choose and this has caused my family to break apart. Problem is I am having trouble letting go of worrying about the others. Bottom line-I love all of my children equally. Every one of them is welcome in my home. ALWAYS. I'm disgusted with her father and yet he is so weak that I feel guilt. So weak. And I want to be the example of what true love is. I want to do what is right for everyone. I also just want to allow myself to be happy. To let them each handle what comes their way. I want to give myself permission to LIVE & let live. Thank you for letting me vent.
As you know Mia has always wanted to be a boy and now we are on the process of changing his name to Max and start the ball rolling for other changes. As a mother all you want is for your children and family to be happy. Sounds like you truly are being an awesome mother Cheryl. We can't decide how others react, your hubby clearly hasn't dealt with this well and obviously that's put such a strain on you. Your children know they are welcome in your home keep reaching out to them, show the love you feel. You are truly wonderful xxx
Thank you Emma so much. My heart has been broken for 7 long years. I truly think it is time to mend. My body is telling me so.
Details aren't necessary as successfully creating with LOA is all about the same thing!
Can an you begin to feel just a little bit better about something? Anything?
Is it possible for you to take a step back and really try to STOP trying to fix everything and everyone? You are focusing on the CONDITIONS around you, in particular the absence of things not going as you would like them to go. Try to focus on things that are going in the right direction and appreciate the living day lights out of them. Build up your better feelings.
Other people don't need you to fix them, they will manifest whatever fixes are right for them whenever they are ready and they do it either consciously or unconsciously with LOA too!
Sometimes the more we feel we must 'help' someone or something, the more we get in the way of others finding their own solutions. Concentrating on others' perceived problems attracts more of others perceived problems to us :(((((
Other peoples' reactions expressed as feelings of 'confusion and grief' are THEIR FEELINGS and they are completely entitled to feel anyway they chose as you are too. In order to feel better you have to let go of your judgement of others' feelings and ACCEPT the differences. You say you EXPECT unconditional love but you're not showing unconditional love by judging other peoples' feelings so negatively. Saying you expect unconditional love in this respect sounds more like a DEMAND. You can't have it both ways.
I understand, you are a loving and very kind person FP and you want to make everything all alright for everyone in your family but this is an impossible task since you cannot control anything other than your own perceptions.
Step back, let it go. Look for better feelings and keep focused on those. Sometimes it's hard to see the wood for the trees ... You know all of this stuff!
Transgenderism is not a problem but becomes a 'special type' of problem by shining a light on it! People in families fall out about alsorts of stuff, all of the time ... It's quite normal! Is it really that big a deal? Keep putting it under the magnifying glass and it will surely be!
Sending you you a big cyber hug (((((((FP))))))
Thank you CC for your thoughtful response! :) I've had a really nice time since I wrote this post! Idecided to paint my bathroom and put up a new shower curtain, curtain, rug etc and it looks GREAT! The funniest thing though I that I painted to walls to match the manatees in my shower curtain - a French grey or something - the guy said it's the most popular grey with no u destined just grey. Soft subtle. Well!! It is the strangest thing ever! My bathroom is very lit up so it gives the appearance of a fog! Like asifthe walls aren't there's but Theresa vast openness hahahahaha! I wondered if I was imagining it but both my kids said it's foggy in the bathroom! I feel like it makes perfect sense with my state of mind and soon I will simply see clear skies! I have forgotten how much I love painting! My daughter came home a little while ago and lol I didn't even clean her room for her returnand it's a mess! I am not sure why but it made me so happy to leave it. I'm like done with taking care of everyone's mess! I just feel like I have some clarity today. Maybe it's the sunny day! Thank you again so much! xoxo
Lololol Stephanie! I feel just this way right now!!! I don't give a rats ass about the mess or anything! I'm gonna sit right here and relax!! No laundry no cooking just me being me relaxed! :) I think just coming here aligned me. Thank you Marcy. And all you beautiful people! :)
Is this like which being came first ..... the chicken-being or the egg-being ? Which "part" of being is being before Being ? What created BEing itself ? What BEing does BEing come from ? The quest-i-on reveals the nonsense of the quest-i-on !
Being is BEing , BEing IS ..... Presence, Life, ISness ... THAT which iS. The BEing of BEing . In other words ..... SELF . WHOLENESS. ONE. ALL. COMPLETE. INFINITE ☺
Since BEing is BEing , and BEing is uncreated, Who be I-BEing writing and reading this , if not BEing ?
Thank you sunshine!
I just wrote distract yourself on another thread....keep distracting yourself from that which you do not want!
Ok!! And you too with the crazy with no clothes! :) We can laugh our way out Laura!!!! Hugs xxxooo
Firstly you have to realise that family is an ever changing concept. We are all brought up on fairy tales of ideal family lives and have programs like “The Waltons” but this is rarely how real life is. Its not to put blame or guilt anyone who wants that – it’s a great goal to aim for, but its really just about letting up on ourselves if we aren’t quite there yet (which is important). A lot of people punish themselves for their family situation – and it’s a bit of a pointless exercise because that punishment rarely creates the change people desire.
Now guilt is always a time bomb in that whenever we label ourselves as guilty we also think we need to be punished (seriously!). The two go hand in hand, even if its subconscious and that’s not in anyones interest. So first and foremost one of the big things is to start recognizing whats right about this situation and to start asking yourself that – because even though on the surface it may look broken, you can bet there are gifts there somewhere in this situation that will be good.
Now with your transgendered child, understandably this is a shock for you but it will also be an experience for them too which isn’t easy. So this is a testing time for you and your family to get used to the news. Some people will respond in fear and reject and that is just something they need time to digest and adapt to. However eventually people will come round to accepting this child. Your family is not going to brake apart because of this one incident, although understandably this will be a stressful time for all family members but this can actually bring you together stronger. Life throws curveballs at the best of us and its through experiences such as these we develop strength.
Rather than doing what is right for everyone, why not instead focus on doing what is right for you and you FIRST. You see when someone is in that space, everyone around them feels comfortable and secure because you become a beacon of what is possible and an invitation to people to become better as a result. When we use the terms “right” or “wrong” we rarely recognize we are being judgmental about our actions and those of others too which isn’t love at all. Far from it. However being the space of peace and non judgment is in itself an amazing gift and talent to use in situations like this because it shows people a different possibility.
Wishing you and your family all the very best for the future and times ahead.