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i am immersed in a web of taking care of everyone else- fixing things for everyone else close to me. Meanwhile I've been unhappy for the longest time. I'm drowning in a lack of joy. Guilt over my broken family. I can't even type the words because of the guilt. Ok here goes. 

Well i sat there a bit and decided that the details dont matter or at least I don't feel like saying it all. Let me try again. I love each person in my family but one of my children is transgender and this has caused others confusion and grief and to me this is unacceptable! Unconditional love is EXPECTED! I won't tolerate anything less. So I have had to choose and this has caused my family to break apart. Problem is I am having trouble letting go of worrying about the others. Bottom line-I love all of my children equally. Every one of them is welcome in my home. ALWAYS. I'm disgusted with her father and yet he is so weak that I feel guilt. So weak. And I want to be the example of what true love is. I want to do what is right for everyone. I also just want to allow myself to be happy. To let them each handle what comes their way. I want to give myself permission to LIVE & let live. Thank you for letting me vent. 

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Hi Greyson! What you wrote, especially the last part, was beautiful and moving! I actually have been trying to do just that! :) Focus on me! So hereis what I've accomplished thus far! I had my appt with my Naturopath(6 month check up) and she fired me up to also move in the direction you mentioned. So! The past week has been about me! I have been eating lovely meals I've prepared for myself and spent time with my kitties playing lol and I even managed to manifest a brand new bed andtwo beautiful quilts! I have had my hair done and just basically spent my time doing what I want. I have set new boundaries and expectations in my home and also told my youngest today that dads moved out. He was disappointed and I dealt with it. I didn't fall apart or try to fix it for him. It's time for my family to take care of themselves. My daughter btw came out like 6-7 years ago so there's been more than enough time for them to adapt. And honestly she is quite a pain the ass lol! Little self centered and she has needed to recognize that I have done more than my part to welcome her home and she needs to act with some gratititude. I'm sitting right now in a quiet house having a drink watching tv and on PI. I deserve to be relaxed like this and I do NOT deserve punishment (that was a great point) so I've released the need for any of that! Thanks a bunch for your help Greyson! Good stuff! Feels good to give myself permission to look after me. As my Doctor said to me-It's time I found my voice. As I was leaving she also said she was so proud of me. (That felt really good.) xoxo

We are all so proud of you hunny. You are one amazing lady. I hope all is well with you. Sending you love as always 

Update! Wow! I havesomehow lifted myself up! Thank you all for the boost! Sometimes for me I write something and then I say NAH that's not where I wanna Ben and I pivot and that's what happened! It was the last little bit of resistance and poof it is gone! The bandaid took YEARS to come off. But it is finally off and I am feeling so free and so relieved! From this moment forward until foreveri am happy! I deserve it!!!! Love you all and thank you! xoxo

I was humming the words to the John Lennon song this morning, "Let is Be."

:) Hi Laura! All is well! I would love to see your latest creations!! Post something!


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