Can a person change their spots? Can a person quit being Mr. Laidback People Pleaser, and turn into someone who goes for what they want, and not considering first what other people want over his/her own needs? Quit worrying that one false step will land him in the doghouse with someone, or maybe even cause a breakup? I'm tired of being taken advantage of, and appearing weak, which maybe I am.
Maybe at 59 I'm stuck in this mold forever.
Laid-back is easygoing, relaxed and you go the flow. If you were really laid-back, you wouldn’t care what other people think of you and allow them to define your value and self-worth.
You’re only a people pleaser when you’re not a self-pleaser. You don’t please yourself. And the reason you don’t please yourself is because other people trained you to believe their emotions are dependent on your behavior. So when you behave the way they want, they feel good. When you behave the way they don’t want, they feel bad. And they want to change you so they can feel relief.
You free yourself of taking responsibility for when they feel bad because you’re not the reason they feel negative emotion. It’s guidance for what they are doing with their focus. And when you feel bad because someone else feels bad because of you, you’re receiving guidance with your emotions letting you know you are focused on the lack or absence of what you want. As you shift to focus on what you do want and why you want it, you will feel better.
Hi Marko, no you're not weak, you're a victim of a narcissistic abuse, i have the same experiences..and i admit the work of Melanie Tonia Evans is helping me SO much! Here are 2 videos that could give you much clarity & help - she gives perfect healing remedies and she clarifies how and why we have created some horrible, disappointing and hurtful situations:
Much love & light****
Dont forget intending, intend to be who you want be, is more important that anything else...
Change is the only constant. You might want to examine your deepest motivations, beliefs, and origins of your behaviour. How did this come about? What were you thought? A lot of inner work and deep examination is required, but definitely possible to change 180 degrees.
Love is All that matters and All that IS
Love sees no one to change, no one in need, nothing to change, nothing in need ...... as if Love were or even could possibly be absent, missing or in any way less than Love's Own Self
Love is Pure , Whole, One, All
In Love ..... All is Love
What Love is not
My Heart and Your Heart are the very same One and Only
Never was never was ..... and never will be never will be
Truth is Love and Love is Truth
Love is I and I am Love
One and All