Tunasandwich - do you have any updates on how worked for you and what didn't?
Did you let it go or did you visualize everyday?
Thanks for sharing your story!
very encouraging... thank you for sharing
Can this work for a long distance ex (in this case, a long distance ex bf)? It's like this one big misunderstanding and he's not willing to communicate and work things through. I'm a year older than him.
I'm afraid he has listened to his buddy's wife instead of listening to his own heart about us. I'm afraid that she has been stirring stuff up, incited stuff about me to him that isn't true, and she had Facebook PMed me stuff about him which he said he never did. He and the buddy and the buddy's wife are so close, they call themselves family, brother and sister. I am in shock and hurt. I never saw this coming. I am many miles away from him and from another country and miss him badly. It's been 2 weeks now since the split. I had gone there to spend Christmas and New Year's with him - met his real mom, brothers, friends, everyone. I gained a new family when I went over. Even his real mom had not met his ex wife!
Suddenly it happened, it came so quick I did not see it coming. Now he's blocked me and gone all quiet on me, even the buddy and the wife also blocked me on Facebook.
1) She had Pmed me when I arrived back to my country, on "If he doesn't love his ex wife anymore then why is he not divorced already? He knows where I stand on marriage (she sounds as if she's some religious godly woman - she is Christian)"... I went straight to tell him this, I said look this is what is happening, I wanna be honest with you first because I am dating you and I love you and I trust you and I respect you. He never even once addressed this with her, and asked her WHY she would even start something like this...???
2) And recently she sent me a PM on FB saying "Girl my husband tells me everything, he bragged to him about stuff that you guys did, and I told him it's not shit to brag about." Naturally when I read this, I was hurt and shocked! Because a couple's private stuff is supposed to be kept between 2 people! And I had met her when I was there in his country, and since he calls her 'sister', she is also my sister, right? I thought I could trust her. Woman to woman. What would she have against me, right?? So yes I lashed out on him, in a moment of anger, but he said he did no such thing, and then we cleared that up so we were good. But then when we spoke about this again, he said he can't get over this, and said I didn't trust him. How can a person make up and kiss and still say he's not over this??? AND why did he not go ask her and address with her WHY she would go spread s*** like that if it's not true??
3) It's not like him to not speak with me - we texted and called everyday, so naturally there was this one weekend I did not hear from him for 1.5 days, I got to thinking that hey what's going on, why is he not talking to me... Later on he told me that he needed space for himself as his ex wife (in another country) had pissed him off and talked about money again. He has a little daughter who is with her. So before he clarified with me, I had pmed that buddy's wife, just asking her like "Hey how long do you know him? How is he like when he's upset etc? So I know how to better thread and not upset him further if he's in a bad mood." Here I am, trying to understand my man better and love him better, and he took it that I went around checking up on him and that to him, is me not trusting him, and he said he's always been honest with me. I get that, I was only showing concern and love, and really, if something is to happen, how on earth would I know? I am so far away. It's just a difference in man vs woman's perspective, yet he can't let this go and show me grace and learn about me. He took it as I don't trust him, so now he doesn't trust me.
This whole thing is so messed up and blown up.
So there we have it, the 3 points, and I addressed all above with him in the last week that we were going back and forth. He told me all the things, and when I read them I didn't even really hurt, I just know he's trying to convince himself, like:
- No we are done, we are finished.
- I will talk to you when I feel I can trust you again.
- Right now I don't (about loving me)
- Family trusts family no matter the cause. Sis will never lie to me. (I asked him, so you're saying I'm lying? That I would fly more than 9000 miles there to meet you, spend time with you, be intimate with you, only to come back and screw things up? I am not your ex wife, I am not here to want your money, I do not need a green card).
- I don't take sides. (But clearly he is!)
- You lost a good man, I did nothing wrong. (Well I did nothing wrong either, to be fair. The only thing I did was asked that woman how is he like if and when he's upset, etc)
- I'm fine being single.
- My mind is made up, as much as it hurts us both.
He also asked me, why did I delete the comments on their walls? (His buddy's and the wife's walls). I said I have no idea what he's talking about, and then I realized that when you block people off Facebook, your comments would also disappear. Because when he blocked me, I saw on my own wall, all the comments he had left HAD BEEN GONE. They blocked me first, and I can see that is how these people deal with issues. To them and him, I am drama and stress. I am so far away and they, that woman, is trying to do something in the background, something is just not fitting right. And for me, I accept him for him, I love him unconditionally because I love myself unconditionally, I am capable of taking care of myself and being 100% responsible for my own happiness, I accept him and his little 4 year old daughter too even though his divorce is taking a long time now (filed 3 years ago and because he married in another country that's not the States).
His buddy introduced us, he pursued and pursued - called, texted me every single day, sent me flowers, told me how he's not giving up etc no matter how hard I tried to tell him, No, don't bother chasing me because 1, you're still not yet divorced, 2, we are too far apart (I had done long distance before and it's never by choice, just got really tired, my heart is a tired heart)... But HE WOULD NOT WAVER. Until 4 months into us knowing each other virtually, I put money down on a ticket and flew to him to spend Christmas and New Year's with him. Everyone that likes me, they accepted me, and everyone is paired up - except him now.
He told me every damn thing under the sky - that I'm his one and only, that he's NEVER been this happy with anyone and that I treat him so good, that he wants to marry me, have a family with me, and I was already planning my way in my head that I will pack up soon when it's time, and just do what I can over here in my job, make the best money I can, and then when his divorce is over, we will get hitched. But I also need a proposal because I won't want to move just like that when it is 2 different countries. Too much at stake to just move, plus will need a visa for work.
I understand LOA to an extent and have done pretty well in my life so far, except for my love life, it just sucks. I am a Christian and I see that LOA and what God talks about faith IS exactly the same thing, so I believe in LOA. But now the question is, why does he not support me and stand by me when I did no lying, no cheating, I am a good woman and he is also a good man? I have too many questions in my head and driving myself crazy trying to close this chapter. I feel totally accused, maligned, and I will not stand for something that I did nothing of and will not accept that as my fate. I do good on most days, but like last night I cried and cried, and then a new guy called me and we had a good chat on the phone. Now I had attracted 2 new guys, and am due to meet them for dinner. So me and my ex now are in No Contact. This is the 2nd week now.
I am sometimes angry and hurt and pissed off at him, but then also asked myself if I really want such a person back. Sometimes I do and sometimes I don't. I have my good days where I feel good and just focused on work, but then night comes and it hits me and I have a picture frame of us and the bouquet of flowers he's sent me on my bedside table, I couldn't think about life without him - I even came upon a store that has this vintage off-white dress that is so TOTALLY WEDDING material, and it costs me only $89! I told myself, I had to have it! I even went ring shopping with a gf because she's getting married - she was looking for wedding bands, and I naturally was looking at engagement rings. You gotta visualize and go FEEL things, right? So I did that, and even when I was single, I would do stuff like that anyway. I amuse myself, make myself happy. I had manifested him, I know, because otherwise his buddy wouldn't have seen my FB status one time and introduced him to me, even though the divorced part was not something I had listed in my Love List.
Any advice you all can give me?