There are times when I've been extremely open and honest and made myself vulnerable and people have used it against me. As in, they literally took information I gave them about myself and used it against me.
Now I find it really hard to trust people, but I hate lying. I mean, I REALLY hate it. Yet, sometimes I am put on the spot and I don't know what to say. It's tempting to lie, but I don't want to. So I tell the truth. But I worry that people are going to treat me the same way again. This makes me closed-off and guarded, extremely cagey.
Does anyone have any advice? I sometimes attract situations like this, where I'm put on the spot to tell information about myself that doesn't feel comfortable. Also, sometimes tell people too much about myself when I think I can trust them, but sometimes that trust has turned out to be misplaced. When I finally find someone I think I can trust, it's really tempting to open up to them and tell them too much about myself.
Edited for clarity.
I'm on disability, too. You basically described the exact thing I was talking about. Also, I've noticed that people look at you suspiciously if you tell them you're on disability. They assume you're abusing the system or something.
Yeah, being vague is a good solution. I'm just terrible at it. I'm either cagey and quiet or talkative and wanting to spill all the info about myself. There's not much of an in-between. I guess people have crossed my boundaries way too much and acted like it was their right. I have to learn that it's okay for me to have boundaries and that it's not okay for people to overstep them.
Thanks for the reply. It sounds like we're really in the same situation.
Yeesh, I'm sorry that creep made you uncomfortable. That wasn't okay :(
Do you have private shame or guilt about your income source? That's what I'm feeling from your post...that's what needs to be worked on.
Trying to come up with new ways or boundaries to deal with people who you feel ask too much or put you on the spot, that's only because you haven't worked out the situation vibrationally. That's what AH calls "the action journey." You yourself aren't comfortable with your situation. This is why it feels so good to meet someone you feel you can trust, and open up to them, because though them, you finally allow into your experience your acceptance of yourself. If they are OK with you, you feel a whole lot better.
I know people who like to "set boundaries" and they are almost always struggling with maintaining relationships. This is because boundaries are about limiting intimacy and being rigid, and relationships (fulfilling ones) are about expanding intimacy and fluidity. People who set boundaries are, IME, people who are trying to fend off the power or pressure they feel from others. And boundaries constantly have to be defended, maintained, talked about, etc. Otherwise they wouldn't be boundaries! Their entire function is "Stay out of right here". Which is not good if what you desire deeply is openness and intimacy with others...but first you have to become fully open and intimate with yourself. When you know yourself, you respond to each person in the moment, flowing from the limitless, without personal guidelines or rules, but simply based on the level of relationship/intimacy you want with the person at that time.
The pressure and limitations felt from others is the pressure and limits of one's own belief system.
If you work on your own discomfort with your own situation, you will find that it will become a non issue with other people, but even if someone finds out about your income source and is uncomfortable with it for whatever reason, you will be able very clearly to see that this person's discomfort is entirely about their own lack and powerlessness. Their judgement will not be felt as personal to you any more. It's only personal when you actually believe the same way they do, or if you need their approval to feel validated.
Well gee ... what anyone thinks of me is none of my business . In fact... thoughts are not my business. Try to control them, deny them, enlarge them, diminish them, persuade them, collect them or sell them .... to en-gage them in any way ..... yeah ... good luck with that ! H a H !!!!
Like monkeys and the circus ...... the only "business" is monkey business ... chaos and instability !
Try to control it and lo and behold .... you're doing the very same monkey business you tried to control , 'cause that's what control represents .... uncertainty ... doubt... separation from "Everything", "Totality" ... Now ... Presence Moment.
All we ARE , that IS... is this Presence Moment .... boundless, beginingless.. endless ... infinitum . ... Pureness ... Whollyness. The moment, the "present tense" is always the Here and Now. It never began and never ended, nor could it possibly, for even a thought of "being separated from here", one is still right here aware of being aware, present tense, where you've always been and always will be.
Gee ... is this being "too honest " ?
The Truth does not set you free.... there never were or are any bounds to bind you... nothing to separate from .... for Truth is the Absoluteness of this Absolutly Presence Moment. Inseparable !
Sorry for getting back to this thread so late! This is an amazing response! Thanks, Roses!
Thanks, Graysen. This was a very thoughtful reply.
Actually, I have been diagnosed with ADHD. I just never made the connection that this might be an ADHD thing. You're right on the money. I have, too many times, found myself telling other people way too much about myself.
All I can tell you is that if it is not something that someone else needs to know, then it is okay to lie. As one of my grandma's said, if she always told the truth, she would never have any friends! Lol.
I myself have a problem with being too honest and it has come back to hurt those I love. I think the key is to look for positive things to say, and avoid the negative. Always tell other people good things about yourself and others.