There are times when I've been extremely open and honest and made myself vulnerable and people have used it against me. As in, they literally took information I gave them about myself and used it against me.
Now I find it really hard to trust people, but I hate lying. I mean, I REALLY hate it. Yet, sometimes I am put on the spot and I don't know what to say. It's tempting to lie, but I don't want to. So I tell the truth. But I worry that people are going to treat me the same way again. This makes me closed-off and guarded, extremely cagey.
Does anyone have any advice? I sometimes attract situations like this, where I'm put on the spot to tell information about myself that doesn't feel comfortable. Also, sometimes tell people too much about myself when I think I can trust them, but sometimes that trust has turned out to be misplaced. When I finally find someone I think I can trust, it's really tempting to open up to them and tell them too much about myself.
Edited for clarity.
Sorry for getting back to this thread so late! This is an amazing response! Thanks, Roses!
Not trusting people is one thing, but letting some bad experience cloud your judgment is probably acting as a barrier between yourself and those people that can be trusted. There are trust worthy people in the world for sure. Now lying isn’t a bad thing per se. Some people say they are honest, and use it as a weapon to hurt and sadden others. You see with truth – its always an individual perspective in that whats true for you, may not be true for someone else. Now there is a difference between being open and honest and lying. When you are open and honest, it doesn’t mean you have to answer every single thing posed to you 100% honestly at that time. Some time you can and should create some gaps for you to consider. Things like “Let me consider that and I will get back to you” or “can I double check and let you know” are all ways of giving yourself time to ponder what you want to say in the nicest possible way for example, without being dishonest.
Now you say people took information and used it against you. Well from a LOA perspective you attracted this situation into your life for some reason or purpose? Maybe you knew they couldn’t be trusted at some level and so tested them and volia they failed. In broader spectives, we often create relationships to prove or validate our ideas and theories. So in some way, these people did exactly what you required of them.
Now you say that you worry people will treat you the same way. If you look at the focus here, you are going to create that with continued focus. Rather than that, why not opt for engaging with people you can trust. I would start out by using affirmations for example, to help your mind focus on trust worthy people. So things like “I attract trustworthy people wherever I turn”, “I can always count on people I trust”, “Trust worthy people are attracted to me with ease”, and then maybe play with afformations “Why do I meet such trustworthy people each day”, “Why do I seem to attract only trustworthy individuals”, “Why does the Universe have such trustworthy people for me to play with” etc.
Now telling people too much about yourself is again perhaps a choice you might want to look at as to why you do this? It could be for any number of reasons, but there is a pay off you are getting on some respects.
Thanks, Graysen. This was a very thoughtful reply.
I wonder if you could have ADHD and not know it? Most adults who have it don't know it. Do you start talking sometimes and feel like you can't stop, like the way it feels when you're running down a hill and you've got that momentum going and you can't stop even if you want to? Does your mind make connections and go from topic to topic? Like you'll be telling someone about something, and then you remember something connected to it, and you start talking about that, and on and on? And then afterwards you think, "Why did I do that? I didn't mean to tell them all of that!"
Something that really annoyed me after I found out I had ADHD was when I ran into a neighbor I had been friendly with. I told him I had just recently found out I had ADHD. I was in my 40s at the time. I spent my whole life up till that point clueless as to why I did so many inexplicable, self-sabotaging things. Anyway, he told me he knew. I asked how, and he said, "Because you go around telling your life story at the drop of a hat." Something like that. I was thinking, "Wow, if he could tell I had it, I wish he'd mentioned it! It would have been nice to know years earlier!" Maybe he thought I already knew.
Anyway, just a thought.
Actually, I have been diagnosed with ADHD. I just never made the connection that this might be an ADHD thing. You're right on the money. I have, too many times, found myself telling other people way too much about myself.
All I can tell you is that if it is not something that someone else needs to know, then it is okay to lie. As one of my grandma's said, if she always told the truth, she would never have any friends! Lol.
I myself have a problem with being too honest and it has come back to hurt those I love. I think the key is to look for positive things to say, and avoid the negative. Always tell other people good things about yourself and others.