I am in my last semester of grad school and really, really wanting to be done so I am taking a lot of classes and feel like I am managing pretty well but for some reason I keep missing the mark on what the professors want. Eg, I misinterpreted an essay question on a 4 essay question test, she gave me some points but this has put me in the lower % of the class rank even because the curve is really, really tight. Also I headed a group project in this class and we received one of the lowest scores in the class an A-, she told us we didn't go nearly deep enough in the project. In another class I headed a research project and wrote most of the paper which the prof HEAVILY criticized, especially the parts I wrote and our techniques etc which were all my idea. Just to put this in perspective, to this point, I had straight A's and all the group projects I led were ranked number 1. I am working with other people, who are friends who are very competitive who are used to being number 1 too and they were not happy with me. I feel like I am putting the same amount of work in but maybe I am distracted or maybe the competitive energies from my friends are making me vibrate lower as whenever I am with a friend who is competitive in anything, I always lose to them or perform worse etc. It just sets me off my game. Thankfully my grade history will carry me through no matter what but it is really embarassing, I feel like I am the weakest link in my courses. Thanks for any thoughts on the metaphysics of it all. I have a strong gut feeling there something weird going on or maybe I have reached my Peter Principle level of where I am now as smart as the people I am with.
Thanks for thoughts.
Your experience ALWAYS reflects your balance of thought.
This statement is helpful to remember, though it is only PARTIALLY helpful, because while it is of great value to acknowledge that everything that you experience is not happening TO you, it is happening BECAUSE of you, it can inspire people to embark on a not always helpful journey of trying to figure out exactly what their balance of thought is that's inspiring what's happening.
Making such a journey is often not helpful, because for one thing, it is not particularly necessary to understand the details of what is going on to bring yourself to a state of being that will inspire more of what you want; also, all physical experience comes AFTER the thoughts that inspired the events, so looking at your thoughts NOW does not really accurately reflect what you were thinking BEFORE that got you what you're now getting; but MAINLY because trying to figure out thought, just ALIGNS you with it MORE; fine if these are thoughts that are serving you, not so great if they are inspiring more of what you DON'T want to experience, thus delaying your desired progress.
A really easy way of looking at all this is to consider that the more analytical you are about what is bothering you, the longer you hold yourself there, which just continues to inspire what you're going to experience next. So the more uncomfortable you feel in any given moment, the encouragement is to become LESS detailed in your thought process about it. Whether that means distracting yourself from it by thinking about something else, becoming more general in your thoughts about it, or not even thinking at all. Why? Because thoughts are energy and given enough focus, gain momentum in their ability to affect YOUR experience.
So on a practical level, I'd suggest, you cut out the analysis of how you are where you are and what you feel about it. Instead, try to find a CLEAN, CLEAR statement that you feel captures what you WANT NOW. It needs to be specific to the subject of interest, but GENERAL enough to cover everything you want about this subject
For example, yes, you want to get great grades, but you also want enjoy your final semester and you want to get the best out of it and you want to feel intelligent and capable about your work and you want to feel proud of your achievements. What SINGLE statement can you come up with that will cover all that?
Find that statement and allow that to become your new point of focus; not trying to figure out how to please your colleagues and be on your game and get good grades - all noble causes but just too much to try to figure out at once.
Nothing weird ever goes on, everything is always perfect. Your experience PERFECTLY reflects your vibration. ALWAYS.
Beautiful Shembu...and also sometimes when it seems overwhelming we can simply visualize our finished intention. So imagine yourself as a graduate in your cap and gown!! FEEEEEEEL how wonderful you feel. FEEEEEEEL the accomplishments you have achieved!! FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL how awesome it is to feel the sun on your face at graduation and do not worry about anything else surrounding the moment. Just capture that moment and SMILE! It is already done!
ConGRADUATIONs! :) :) Love, Cheryl
I understand how you feel, and I think it's multiple factors: wanting to be already finished, heavy work load, and competitive friends. It can create a lot of stress and sometimes we don't recognize it. Also, sometimes it could be the professors being very different and demanding different things from you. I've had that problem too, and that was the ONLY time I ever remember going up to a professor and saying, "Look, I've done everything I can to get a good grade. Every other class I've taken I've gotten A's in but in this class I keep getting B's and C's. Tell me EXACTLY what it is you want from me and I'll do it." Luckily, the professor was understanding and told me what I needed to do :).
Instead of leading the groups, why not let the others lead? Especially if they're used to making good grades too and not as busy? I know it can be hard to relinquish power, but most employers and grad schools care more about which classes you take and then the final GPA than whether or not you lead the groups in class. Plus, those who are very competitive, and not just for fun, depend on exterior success in order to feel good about themselves. Competitiveness isn't bad as long as it's in a healthy dose. Sometimes, a healthy dose of competitiveness can encourage you to push the boundaries of success :D. However, there's a difference between healthy competitiveness and being brutally competitive to the point where you see other's successes as your failures.
If you have been going into these projects with fear, trepidation on some level, then that's what you are getting in response. It's all just a mirror to your inner thoughts/feelings/beliefs that's manifesting. Maybe work on your confidence levels?