GRATITUDE by Pema Chodron
GRATITUDE by Pema Chodron
"The slogan 'Be grateful to everyone' is about making peace with the aspects of ourselves that we have rejected. Through doing that, we also make peace with the people we dislike. More to the point, being around people we dislike is often a catalyst for making friends with ourselves. Thus, "Be grateful to everyone."
If we were to make a list of people we don't like - people we find obnoxious, threatening, or worthy of contempt - we would find out a lot about those aspects of ourselves that we can't face. If we were to come up with one word about each of the troublemakers in our lives, we would find ourselves with a list of descriptions of our own rejected qualities, which we project onto the outside world. The people who repel us unwittingly show the aspects of ourselves that we find unacceptable, which otherwise we can't see. In traditional teachings on lojong it is put another way: other people trigger the karma that we haven't worked out. They mirror us and give us the chance to befriend all of that ancient stuff that we carry around like a backpack full of boulders.
"Be grateful to everyone" is getting at a complete change of attitude. This slogan is not wishy-washy and naive. It does not mean that if you're mugged on the street you should smile knowingly and say "Oh, I should be grateful for this" before losing consciousness. This slogan actually gets at the guts of how we perfect ignorance through avoidance, not knowing we're eating poison, not knowing that we're putting another layer of protection over our heart, not seeing the whole thing.
"Be grateful to everyone" means that all situations teach you, and often it's the tough ones that teach you the best. There may be a Juan or Juanita in your life, and Juan or Juanita is the one who gets you going. They're the ones who don't go away: your mother, your husband, your wife, your lover, your child, the person that you have to work with every single day, part of the situation you can't escape. There's no way that someone else can tell you exactly what to do, because you're the only one who knows where it's torturing you, where your relationship with Juan or Juanita is getting into your guts.
When the great Buddhist teacher Atisha went to Tibet... he was told the people of Tibet were very good-natured, earthy, flexible, and open; he decided they wouldn't be irritating enough to push his buttons. So he brought along with him a mean-tempered, ornery Bengali tea boy. He felt that was the only way he could stay awake. The Tibetans like to tell the story that, when he got to Tibet, he realized that he need not have brought his tea boy: the people there were not as pleasant as he had been told.
In our own lives, the Bengali tea boys are the people who, when you let them through the front door of your house, go right down to the basement where you store the things you'd rather not deal with, pick out one of them, bring it to you, and say "Is this yours?"
Pema Chodron
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Flowerpatch on -
Very nice. Thank you for sharing. I have been struggling with just such an issue and trying to understand my negative feelings towards someone in my family. I regrettably have been unable to forgive and move on and this will help me sorti t out. Thanks so much, love, flower
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Permalink Reply by Michael on -
You are welcome, Flowerpatch *** (smile) The article spoke to me and I felt prompted to pass it along. I have family members that I endeavor to love unconditionally. I realize more and more they are teaching me what NOT to do as well as what to do (Love; being grateful; letting go of dysfunction by example of their dysfunctional behaviors; the loving law of allowance)
Loving Blessings and much care to you...Michael
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Permalink Reply by TheAlchemist on -
gratitude is an amazing gift to the world. with gratitude all is love and we are one with everything around us, even those who annoy us and show us what we don't love within ourselves. forgiveness too is an illusion, for you make the assumption that what you do/think/feel/see/know is right and better than what others perceive or how they chose to live. be grateful for the difference, for it let's you be you. if you are negative towards a family member do not condemn yourself or feel bad, ask yourself where you have acted the same way as that person, for you will find yourself in that person if you look. and when you realise when you have shown that trait to others, ask yourself how it was a benefit to them. when you shouted at your kid, were you being mean or did you want to help them grow up or be better at school or not get hurt. when you felt negative towards someone, did you actually want them to fit in better or be kinder to someone else. when were you unkind to a family member and had others have negative feelings towards you. when did you do something someone else couldn't forgive? what were your reasons for doing those things, and how were they a benefit to your family?
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Permalink Reply by Michael on
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Words of wisdom, indeed! (smiling) Thank you for this! Loving Blessings to you....Michael
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Permalink Reply by Marcy From Maui on -
I love that picture, it is a sight I actually get to see in real life, pretty often and for that I am so grateful! :-}
Thank You!
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Permalink Reply by Flowerpatch on
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I loved the beautiful pic if the flowerpatch by the water! The colors are so vibrant. I will save it to my desktop! THANKS!
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