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You don’t feel heartbroken because they didn’t love you back. You feel it because you needed them to, so that you could love yourself. When they left, your self-love left. Focusing on what you want, left. Heartbreak is really focusbreak. You have broken your focus off of yourself and what makes you feel good.

When people want to move on, they mean, “How can I move forward, knowing they won’t return the love I have for them?” That lets you know you were giving love, so you’d receive it. Love quid pro quo. This experience, as painful as it was, helped you understand you were practicing conditional love. Conditional love results in you wanting to change their behavior to accommodate your emotional needs. So they may push back to change you, and then you push back, for them pushing back, which creates unnecessary arguments.

When you make your love conditional, you’re setting yourself up for heartbreak. When they act the way you want, you feel good. When they act the way you don’t want, you feel bad. That’s what causes breakups. You place impossible expectations on them to behave only in ways you want. And to be fair, if you have that expectation for them, they probably have the same for you.

You feeling loved in the relationship is your job, not theirs. The other person can’t make you feel loved, because they can’t control your thoughts. Which means the opposite is also true. They didn’t break your heart. You did it to yourself, and gave them the credit.

“I feel guilty over how I ended the relationship and completely broke his heart.”

You believe you’re responsible for his emotions. So because you did something he felt hurt by, you think it was your fault. But you’re not capable of making him feel accepted or rejected. You didn’t break his heart. He did it to himself, and you chose to take the blame.

If you feel bad when you love someone, you’re focused on lack, not love. Love feels good. Lack feels wack.


“It’s challenging to move forward, because I’m left with the ‘What ifs.’”

You’re focused on the negative, but what about feeling better?

“What if I made the right decision? What if this was the best thing for me?”
“What if I allowed myself to feel the closure I’m looking for?”
“What if it was specifically because of this experience, that made way for an even better relationship that I couldn’t have had otherwise?”

“I still miss them. I miss being around them, sharing moments and hanging out with them.”

What you’re missing is not your connection with them, but your connection with yourself. You’re missing how you felt when you were with them. You want to feel loved, and were using the other person’s love as an inadequate substitute. Also, when you miss someone, you are focused on their physical absence, instead of their emotional presence. You crave physical connection, so you can have an emotional connection. And you always have access to that connection, whether or not you’re in a physical relationship with them.

What emotions did you enjoy when you were with them? Acceptance, appreciation, interest, eagerness and excitement. You can feel all of those emotions any time you want, by focusing less on what you don’t want, and more on what you do want.

“How do I feel happy again after a breakup?”

Don’t focus on being happy, just focus on relief. Sometimes you can’t be happy, because that vibration is too far from how you currently feel, so you don’t have access to it. And that’s why it feels hard. It’s like being at the bottom, and trying to jump all the way to the top of the stairs. Instead, take it one step, and better-feeling thought at a time, and that will guide you back to happiness.


“I want the man I love to return.”

You want the love you felt to return, and that has nothing to do with the man. You’re confusing a person, with feeling loved.

You’re holding him hostage for how you feel. You need him to love you, so you can give yourself permission to feel loved. But when they (or anyone) choose not to love you, then you use that to choose to feel unloved. And then you get upset, but you are the only one who has the power to allow or resist the feelings you want.

When you shift your focus to what you what—the abundance of opportunities that are available to you—you release your awareness of lack, thus release your missing feeling, and you feel better. And, as a cherry on top, you will attract a man who loves you as much as you love yourself.

You’re not sad because the relationship ended. You’re sad, because you have a new relationship with yourself and others that’s ready to begin, and you’re not allowing it. You’re holding yourself back from what is ready for you. You could only feel that bad, because you’re depriving yourself of the good you deserve.

They gave you the greatest gift in helping you realize you were giving them responsibility for your emotions. You now know, you have the power to not need others to be a certain way, for you to feel a certain way. Since all of your emotions come from you, you can reach the place where people can’t hurt your feelings, and there is no greater gift than that.



For further guidance, I do coaching calls and e-mails. For more info, see my Profile Page.

 


Previous Posts:

1) Speeding Up Manifestations . . . Why?

2) ‘Man’ifesting Unavailable Men

3) How to Break the Breakup Cycle, and Attract the Relationship You Want

 

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You’re not sad because the relationship ended. You’re sad because you have a new relationship with yourself and others that’s ready to begin and you’re not allowing it. 

One of the best things I've read. Very profound and insightful as always, thank you Brian! Having you around is such a huge blessing!

Hi Brian

Thankyou as iam going through this now. 

Everything you have said is so true Brian.  Wow, i never thought of it like that, i am sad because having a new relationship with myself.  Hmmm, profound.  Right now feeling dark in thoughts.

You are spot on with

You believe you’re responsible for his emotions. So because you did something he felt hurt by, you think it was your fault. But you have no control over what he chooses to do with his thoughts. You’re not capable of making them feel accepted or rejected. You didn’t break his heart. He did it to himself and you chose to take the blame (i.e. feel guilty).

If you feel bad when you love someone, you’re focused on lack, not love. Love feels good. Lack feels wack.

I was believing i was responsible for his pain, for him being disrespectful to me.  Yes and I have been feeling bad and therefore lack appeared :(

L'immagine può contenere: sMS

More people should read this, it tells d truth 

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