I'll try to explain the situation...I live in a small town that I hated from the start! I moved here to recover from something very bad that happened to me-illness depression. I moved here from London to get back on track.
The plan was that i would go back to London as soon as possible. 4 years down the line...I'm still here.
why? because I fear that I'm not strong enough for london, i'm so unhappy here, but safe as could be!
I ALWAYS FELT I DONT BELONG HERE at all. I hate everything about this snobbish, narrow minded, unfriendly town! But i'm afraid to move out, to start from scratch, anew. I'm afraid of change....
in meantime THINGS ARE WORSE AND WORSE every week here. Everything is happening at once, like i'm losing ground under my feet! I was moved to a new department witin my company.
AND....literally from the start it was horrid. I had to go through all sorts emotional pain, like everything is going wrong there...i come home totally drained, down and depressed!
In addition to it....problems with the flat begin...I loved this flat, i wont have something like that in London... and now my flatmate is planning to move out and I will lose it, I cant aford to live here on my own.
So work is shit, home situation is shit, none of my needs are met...LIKE EVERYTHING IS LITERALLY COLLAPSING AROUND ME. Why?
So the question is IS THAT telling me something??? i feel like I'm being kicked from all sides...
Is all going so wrong here to show me that I should not be here...I should go.
I feel trapped:(
i know that i don't feel it from inside out but from OUTSIDE in....is you know what i mean....
like the outside circumstances arr pushing me. i mean deep in my hear I KNOW i'm living a lie here...
that it's merely surviving NOT LEAVING. I cant progress here. I;m dying here. I feel safe but that' all.
My friends encourage me to go to London...but my parents that live here seem to want to keep me here! like they dont care that I'm so unhappy here... When I leave work I feel positve and energised, at work depressed
PLEASE is there anyone who can offer some insights? I'd be so grateful
Hi Maya, and sorry to hear that you are feeling so low at the moment.
Depression is caused by not Ex-pressing yourself. So you need to find what really makes you happy and start to express that. What do you really LOVE to do, is it painting, walking, helping people, writing .... find out what makes you happy and try to introduce it once again into your life. As you express your true self, you will move away from depression and you will find yourself again and will find happiness and be able to move anywhere or even stay but blossom !
Take baby steps, smiling at little things, being grateful for little things, like the sky or a flower, or a cup of tea. Soon you will be able to express more and more gratitude and appreciation for all kinds of things and people. Negative feelings and thoughts simply replicate the negative situation you are in, so you have to put a little effort in at the start to BE happier and eventually it will take on a momentum of its own and you will start to feel joyful and happy, strong and adventurous day by day.
love and light Gen
So grateful for your insights, bless.
I had such a good feeling when I was reading it. I always wante d to write, to communicate with people in general, I love conversations. I'd love a job based on communication wih people, organising something.
with writing....so many people said i have that something...but I dont know why it's not flowing at the moment...
like i have no good ideas?
YOU ARE SO RIGHT...i'm not expressing my true self, I cant at work.
I'd love to be freelance and be an artist/ writer
my friend is always asking me are you writing? and i always say no...:( feel like im not doing myself any favours,
acting like that, I always felt writing is my calling....but i feel blocked...i know it's in my...but i cant .
there are so many obstacles i need to move...looks like writing is the top of the mountain for me...
thank you Salome:)
I will do it. I will do all of it I will visualise, believe, AND TAKE ACTION. up to now i was doing visualisations, lots of it,but no action in the direction of my dreams!!!!
I kind of know what the Universe is doing now. He wants to delives all I dream of but it saw that I'm not working with it!! quite opposite...I'm not letting Universe do all I want it do. I keep my doors shut and moan that things are not arriving!!! I think Universe got mad with me and DECIDED TO WAKE ME UP, by negative things that are happening to me one by one...until I start doing the right things
I agree with the members suggesting that you visualise the life you want but more importantly, you are choosing to be unhappy. I appreciate you may not agree with this but absolutely every emotion we have to every situation is a choice. Continue to want your life to be in London but also make peace with exactly where you are at this moment. Gratitude for what you have now is so so important, even if you think you have nothing!
Change the way you look at your situation and your situation will change. Good luck.
many thanks Jacquiec! I feel it in my heart too. I feel that first I need to make peace with with where I am now...learn all I have to, and then a way will be made! i will be relased to move out of town!
somethimes i lack patience...I want next chapter now! and life says...wait
just wanted to add that over last two weeks I'm experiencing growing hostility from random people in this town!!!!
be in the the shop....like they are at me....dropping nasty comments....that make my resentment towards this town grow.
i'm wondering is that I sign? like im being pushed out of this town....like this nasty stituations ( I can have 3 a day)
are telling me something....
what do you think??
I think it's a sign to at least start looking at solutions for leaving. Start looking for jobs in London, flats, etc. Remember, you can always return home if necessary.
Thanks for sharing your hopes. :O)
Hmm...Growing hostility, now...
Maya, from an LOA perspective, that's not so surprising - in the sense that it was hard for you to appreciate being safe in the town you're in. When others were suggesting you appreciate what you have, it seems that being safe belonged at the top of the list, since you actually bring it up (as the ONLY good thing about this town).
Seemingly, that's something London was NOT giving you.
So, whatever aspect of this is still in play in this town, make some time every day (and then several times a day) to obsessively celebrate it. Be a total loon about this, because it might take some ludicrous repetition and focus on things so little as to seem demented.
But sometimes that's what it takes.
Also, be willing to be wrong - this time, in the sense of being what some would consider unhealthy. Again: DEMENTED! :P
In other words, you sounded a little embarrassed, as though you had unacceptable motives that were keeping you from enjoying the objectively better situation of London for a town you should NOT prefer.
Well, it's clear that part of you identifies with what "makes sense." But part of you may not. Give that part a chance to express itself. Coming from that aspect of yourself, feel free to say things like, "I like not having to prove myself so much." "I appreciate this slower pace." "I like that I can cross the street without walking double-time." "I like that staying up-to-date with world news isn't necessary, here."
You can get back to that pace when you feel rested. Hey! "I'm enjoying a little rest from the hustle-and-bustle."
Even if only PART OF YOU is enjoying this - even if it's enjoying it in a perverse way - that's something to celebrate. And where you can find something to celebrate, Maya, MILK IT!
Anyway, that's what makes sense to me, based on your report. Could be totally off, of course, so I'm curious to hear your thoughts on this. :O)
Sunshine & Blessings,