All of your positive suggestions are welcome!
I have been feeling very strong resistance toward divorce proceedings that my husband has started, I don't want a divorce but I can see that there is no way of stopping him as he is so determined to make me his ex-wife!
My marital situation has really got me down over the past 6 months and affected my studies and my self esteem but I want to turn this into a positive experience that will launch me into a better, happier place than where I stand now.
Hmm I guess I will start.
I am just getting the ball rolling here.
I am a divorcee (divorced in September last year, it was very quick too as we married & divorced Islamically but legally married legally divorced, recognized in any country) but my situation is probably very different plus I am the one who asked for the divorce not my now ex husband.
I found out how open minded and accepting my offline friends are and also how supportive and open minded people are on here.
I was initially worried about how people would perceive me due to the divorce and was pleasantly surprised by the helpful support I got.
(By the way, I haven't used her myself but I am facebook friends with a divorce coach if you're interested let me know)
(She has written a good book AND I got a good book - different one - to help ME at the beginning.)
Let me see.
Well, our marriage was NOT working anymore.
The split was amicable and we are still friends but it was not working as a marriage or a love and sex relationship.
The divorce freed him up to find someone who is a better match for him.
(Ironically, he says she is a LOT like ME in her personality!)
It's been nice to discover that there are guys who still like me even at my age and as a married woman I think I was giving off married woman vibes before ha ha.
I MAY have met someone who is a better match for ME but I think this is going to take some time and it may be him or someone else & I don't know WHEN it will happen - and that's fine - but now I am available!
Due to some of my experiences & due to a conversation one of my best friends had, we may start a sort of part time business which will help people going through some of the things I've experienced!
I HAVE had a drop in my self esteem but now I have found a range of helpful tools and it is already now on the up & up!
I guess these are the main positive aspects of my divorce for ME.
But again, my situation will be very different from most in a few ways.
Your positive aspects will be different from mine, some might be the same, but they WILL be there, even if it's hard to see them right now.
But, who knows, maybe when you are ready - not straight away maybe a few months or year down the line - you may meet someone who is an even better match for you.
I don't know if this applies and another reason my situation is very different is for the last 3 years he was mostly living in another country due to work, this is one of the main reasons for the divorce, I thought it was becoming unfair on both of us - yes I DID try to get an interview for a job over there so I could move & it didn't work & then they had a lot of turmoil in that country! - and I wanted us to be free to be with people in the countries we were living in.
But he is the one who was told I want a divorce.
And he has now found someone who is just right for him, right there!
The biggest thing I want to say to you - and I don't know how to help you with this! - is try not to see this as a failure.
I have this block to getting married again in case i divorce AGAIN and it's nuts and I want rid of it cos I feel like it makes me a bit afraid to get into another relationship even though I really want to meet my perfect match. And if I can let go of THAT resistance (WHEN I let go of it) I will be free to express and enjoy a loving relationship again.
I know it's not just about moving on either.
But my cousin got divorced and her husband suddenly asked her for a divorce & they'd been together a LONG time.
As in I THINK at least 10 years, including being boyfriend & girlfriend but it may have been more.
Mine was a 10 year relationship, 9 years of them married. And she's re-married and has a very happy relationship. (They have 3 sons now too btw.)
I guess try to see the positives in both the marriage and the divorce? That's what I try to do.
Cos I found myself saying I don't want another relationship cos it's like I invested 10 years and then it all blew up in my face, 10 years with the wrong guy.
There were many GOOD things about our marriage TOO!
And happy memories & in many ways it WAS a good - even sometimes very good! marriage.
But if I marry again one day, this time, I'd like it to be a FANTASTIC marriage. With a perfect match for me.
Focus on YOURSELF. NEVERMIND what he wants in his life. It doesnt matter. What I mean is, every thought you have should come from a place of what you desire. So instead of focusing on not wanting a divorce focus on what you wish for--Imagine your husband coming to you asking for a second chance! Think of all that you would wish to happen! Imagine him bringing you flowers and saying it was a mistake.
ALLOW the process to unfold, but remain focused on your desired outcome. Maybe you need to divorce in order to come together again? ALL IS WELL> YOU ARE LOVED!
YES! YES! YES!
Ooh GOOD answer!!
Here is what I experienced after my divorce, and please pardon me if I am generalizing:
No whiskers in the bathroom sink
Toilet seats always in the down position
Always having Toilet paper at the ready
Socks and underwear that actually made it into the hamper, not three inches away
Ice cubesm and not empty trays
Scissors that never disappear
A dishwasher with actual dishes in it
A clean house that stays clean
No more endless hunt for his lost keys, sunglasses, etc.
Never having to listen to criticism or complaints
No more snoring that was loud enough to wake the dead
The ability to do what I want when I want
No smelly gym equipment in my house
Not having endless sporting events playing on the TV
Not having to listen to him scream at an electronic box, as though they can hear him
Thatis just a few of the perks of not being married, I could go on for days.
Rest assured you will come through this, and look back and think what was the big deal anyway.
I agree with You completely .
What I like and begin again to do .
I was totally away from the Physical World .
And I am Happy to come into it again .
The Perfect HouseWife , as one used to call Me .
Great answer Grand Creator :-)
Yes , I feel it .
Only these Blessings
the Universe is giving to Me to begin to be Aware of the Physical World ...
... including my Body .
Gosh I thought I would never be able to come back .
I was so Poisoned and Harrassed that my Perception
stayed only at the NonMaterial World .
But I am here .
And I love Order and Cleaness .
In the Material World and NonMaterial World . Let us point like this .
You know what I mean .
I became a Baby . Really .
WISENESS ... dear steve .
Yes , I agree with You .
Thank You ...
Thank you WG
that's really beautiful