Hey everyone! I'm grateful for any help or advice you can give me on this. My problem is that I NEED to be in a relationship and that I NEED for the other person in that relationship to validate that they want and NEED me as well. I understand this is the wrong way to go about having a relationship and is ultimately why my past relationships have ended. I now realize that my need to be validated by someone other than myself creates fear of loss, fear of lonliness, fear of failure, guilt, and resentment. I realize that this is ALWAYS pushes the other person away.
I notice that my strongest relationships are my friendships. Many people say that they are lucky to just have one best friend. I am blessd with SIX great best friends and a plethora of other great friends, whom I do have great bonds with, but don't necessarily call them my "besties" or "bffs." Anyway, with my friendships, there is no NEED. It just flows joyfully and naturally. There are some that I only talk with or visit with once a year and no matter what, I don't resent them for not talking to me in the last 12 months. When I think about my friends, I don't over analyze everything they say, and I don't get depressed if I don't hear from them for short or long period of time. I don't have fears that my friends will stop loving me.
Yet, this is exactly what happens when I fall in love. I see the pattern, and I see it happening all over again. There has GOT to be a way for me to be in love without being so attached. The good thing is I don't project this to the woman I care about. Meaning, I don't blow up her phone, I don't question her if I see her speaking to another man. However, I do it to myself internally. And I know that energy will build and build and build until it manifests physically. I do not wish to do that!
I've read Louise L. Hay, and I've read Neale Donald Walsch. I KNOW that all relationships are a reflection of my state of being. I KNOW that relationships only exist so I can express who I am, and who I want to be. Furthermore, I KNOW who I am, and I KNOW who I want to be. I feel that I am so close to getting it right, and I feel that I've found someone who wants to be around me for a long
It hurts so much because I feel it slipping away. It was amazing when I didn't NEED her. We'd talk all the time, but I feel it. I feel the rhythm of it. It's like a seesaw. I as soon as I start NEEDING, she seems distant. And now that I'm aware, I can see how it happened in my past relationships too.
I'm trying to focus on me and loving me, but lately, I can't shake her off. I need some balance, or this relationship will fall.
Also, I am aware that it's not just this specific person that I NEED. It's the relationship that I am NEEDING. When I'm not in love with anyone, all I can think about is attracting someone to be in love with. See, up until 2 years ago, I had been single ALL my life. I'm 32 years old. It wasn't until I discovered the Law of Attraction, that I could ever bring someone special into my life. I really feel that I this point in life, I must be with someone, I mean, I spent 30 years being alone because I didn't know how to attract anyone. Now that I know how to do this, I need to learn to let go and just enjoy it without NEEDING.
I want to stop NEEDING and only ENJOY my relationships!!!! Someone please help me. I would love some meditations or mirror affirmations. I don't want to feel miserable like this ever again. I've had enough of that. I just found out that Neale Donald Walsch has a book called "Neale Donald Walsch On Relationships." I've only read his "Conversations With God" series. Hopefully this will help me to cut the cord...