What did you do? How did you realise that you were there?
By being more compassionate towards yourself.
The way I got to it, and its an ongoing thing is that I recognised that I hadn't been very loving to my body and a teacher commented and pointed it out to me. So it became a bit of a quest for me. I really got inspired after being in her presence to go for it. So I started gradually, looking into the mirror and saying: Graysen, I love you, I really love you and noticing how I felt about it and where in my body. In the beginning, I felt stupid saying it and it didn't feel true. Then I went to a workshop with the amazing Louise Hay and we spent the whole morning with mirrors looking into our eyes and saying affirmations and talking about it. I left that day a completely different person whereas before I was beating myself up about the way I felt and how silly it was etc.
So I got the point, where I actually enjoyed looking in the mirror and speaking to myself. Sometimes it would be to soothe my soul when things weren't going well or to plan, and other times it would be to give myself praise. I used to feel so much stronger and happier after each session, so I knew things were changing.
I have been patient at times to get my needs met. Such as my second BA Degree I finished less than 6 months ago.
I have manifested a private nice bedroom with a loving cat near me at almost all times lately.
I am in process of manifesting a lower body weight. 150 at most to be my body weight for the rest of my life.
I realized there was no point in hating myself, or continuing to beat myself up.
Hating myself, living with the burden of self-loathing and unworthiness, not only did not help me, but it did not help anybody else, either. Not even my toxic family, who depended upon my negative self-image to keep me coming back for more abuse.
One day, I had the sudden thought: "Would I think that any other normal person, who was simply trying to do her best in the world, deserves to feel as bad about herself as I do?" Of course, the answer was no. Of course I would feel sympathy toward her, and think she deserved better.
If I was so willing, and even eager, to extend that compassion toward another person, and not want her to feel badly about herself, then why did I not deserve the same treatment? Was I so horrible that I did not deserve to feel love for myself?
I have cared very much for other people who are no better or worse than me. They have their annoying petty habits and imperfections, and do not always live to their full potential. Yet their goodness shines through. I can readily see them as good, valuable, and deserving of love and happiness. Thus, why not myself? Why was I always the undeserving one?
These questions followed me around for many months, as I came to grips with the fact that I am deserving of happiness, that I am loveable and worthy of caring and respect, and that it is okay to give myself the same love I extend to others.
When I made mistakes, my first impulse was to berate and punish myself, so I had to become aware of when I was doing that, stop, and ask myself, "Would you treat anybody else like this for making the same mistake?" The answer was always "No," because i have always been much harder on, and more harshly judgmental of, myself than of others. I had to learn to treat myself the way I would treat other people.
Sometimes, I when I could practically hear the angry words of family members berating me in my own head, I would ask myself, "How do you wish your family would have treated you, and spoken to you? What response did you need as a child, that they were incapable of giving?" Then, I try to be the good parent to myself that I did not have in childhood.
Very wise words, thanks for your reply - funny how the recurrent topic is that we are harsher with ourselves than with others and just a change of perspective let us see that we should treat ourselves with the same love that we give to others- I think its all this pressure from society, the rate race, the constant comparison....
I'm usually really confident, I know my worth. I would often remind myself really sincerely that anyone would be so lucky to have me as a friend / lover! But sometimes, I must confess, I can be hard on myself. When it happens, I focus on what I don't like and how to change it. If I can't, I immediately focus on all the other things that makes me amazing!
I have some "tricks" to do so :
I don't measure myself upon other people, I'm my own standard. For instance I won't say "I'm much more elegant than xx" I'll simply say "I'm so elegant" and it's enough for me. I know that I am, I don't need to be more or less than anyone else.
Whenever I see a mirror, I smile to myself. It's weird at the beginning but now it's a reflex!
I treat myself: from a manucure to a new dress -if finances are good- to a simple bath or a great show on netflix. Just giving myself something I like and be aware of it "This is for you because you're amazing and deserve it"!
Hope this help and just so you know, even if it's not that important, I think you're amazing ;)