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How to get rid of this powerful negative influence in my life?

First of all, I'd like to start off with saying how much I love this community and everything I learn here every day.

But there is one person in my life, who keeps sabotaging and undoing everything I try to do - my mother. It's not that she doesn't believe in this stuff - she does - but apparently she's missed quite a few critical lessons on positive thinking and in general being a decent human being. Everyone thinks she's a good person because she knows how to present herself in public, but at home, watch out! She's a total bipolar monster, not officially diagnosed - she revels in sadism (or appears to), I have no privacy around her, she makes my life total misery and hell, and just being around her makes me feel sick, depressed, and suicidal. Even now I feel my thoughts becoming a dark jumbled mass of negativity as I try to type about her, they are hardly coherent. All the verbal and emotional abusive energy that comes from her is enough to power NYC for a week (or drain its power for a week, idk.)

I hardly ever go out, and school isn't tons better, so I'm pretty much stuck in this situation. Moving out isn't really an option at this point even though I've already made plans with my friends to become roommates for the future. Every time I try to think more positive thoughts, she brings me down to the base level and I feel like the lowest scum that's ever lived. All this because I don't have good grades (and why is that??? because my mind is so screwed up and I keep feeling that she is the source!!! I always study better around my friends and they feel the same way, as their mothers are somewhat similar.) I don't know how to explain this well - but it feels like the stabbing pains in my chest (source being the heart chakra, emotional/love center, someone else told me that) that originate from her whenever she is saying yet another lovely thing to me are the reason I have to go to cardiologists now for arrhythmias and palpitations (they initially wrote these off as panic attacks but cardio confirmed not anymore because it's 24/7 and I do NOT panic when it happens). I think she is the cause of it, or at least a large contributor. I have not been disgnosed with an eating disorder yet, but I think I do have a lot of these traits because she always called me fat (I have a normal BMI and I was a decent size 8-9 in junior high but now I've ballooned to like 12 at 5'6, but I was always "fat" to her despite all my friends and family who protest otherwise) and I've recently taken on some pretty destructive behaviors. I can't help it. She makes me want to destroy myself, cut off all connections with everything, abandon everything that gives me joy in life, and just... sabotage myself.

Help. I don't want to cause physical harm to her (or at least I keep telling myself.), but I want her out of my way and at least 2/3s out of my life. She is an absolute threat to my mental health and it manifests itself physically. I can feel the EFT and LoA working within me, and all the other things I've tried, but until this monster is out of the way ...

(I'm 17 years old btw)

Also, if someone here is adept, perhaps someone can try to like scan or read my energy and tell me if she is the source of my problems, or I am the source, or is something else the issue here? Something I didn't address in my post?

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Oh, also, please..... please, don't tell me to go "talk to someone" like a psychiatrist or counselor. I've been there before, I don't believe those methods work. My friends are tired of hearing all my negativity and I'm afraid I'll lose them if I vent any more. EFT has been far more effective than any counselor I've talked with even though I've only dabbled in it for like 2 weeks (I used it to cut down my palpitations so that I can at least function in school without having to go to nurse's office all the time).
Wow, sounds like my mom. Everything you experience in your life no matter how horrible is because YOU attract it. When you change your thoughts and beliefs it take time for what you are attracting to gather momentum. So DO NOT give up. Sever the believe that she is controlling your life. She cannot control your life, no matter what...only your focus and negative emotion on her is attracting more and more of that from her. My mom is still crazy but she doesn't affect me anymore. I simply don't focus on her craziness and she doesn't bother me anymore...my siblings still have a problem.
So sorry to hear your mother is the same way =/ It's hard. I agree that by focusing on her negative I will attract more of it, but it's hard to accept that I'm in this situation in the first place because I attracted it somehow. It took me completely by surprise. But you're right, I shouldn't give up. I'm glad to hear you resolved your issues with yours!
Kara.....let me share something with you that will make everything in your life so much easier and the sooner you learn this - the more you will control everything that occurs in your life.....

No one, not even our parents - has the power to control your mind - no one.....They may influence us, the may redicule us, they may demand and insist and instruct, but no one can control your feelings or emotions - only YOU CAN.....

I understand it is difficult "NOT" put up resistance, but it is even more difficult to "BELIEVE" and "ALLOW" resistance....I understand that it feels natural to create defenses and fight off whatever threatens us - but in understanding that resistance is merely a waste of energy that can and should be used for better purposes is something it took me years to learn - and I am sharing it with you because I wish someone told me this a million years ago.....

So let me share this insight with you.....It is unwise to go through life fighting, opposing, resisting, and arguin. It creates many obstacles and friction that only cause us harm, and don't serve any purpose. Instead, if we make little of the obstacles and keep our minds on our objective instead, we will ultimately reach our goal.....

I know it seems like you are in a constant conflict with your mom - but more importantly, if you read your post - look at what that constant conflict is doing to you.....It is important that you realize how and what you allow into your life - and how you are able to "see" the affect it has on you.....I know this may sound rediculous at first - but let's try another approach - the next time you are confronted with conflict - try to smile instead.....You will be amazed at how "easily" your life becomes by trying a new approach. People will respond in kind, and your life (and theirs) will improve dramatically...It just takes practice to change the way you look at things.....
This doesn't mean that you become a door mat to them - it simply means to extend a loving thought to them such that all opposition and enmity disappears - if you don't argue with someone, there can be no disagreement of conflict. You can be right, know you are right, and that is all that matters. It isn't important that your opponent agrees with you.

From years of experience I can say to you that by raising yourself above hate and discord, hate and discord or any sort of ill feelings CANNOT TOUCH YOUR LIFE.....What you feel is what you allow into your life - not by anyone's hand, word, doing, but yours.....I know it seems difficult to comprehend, but it is.....

Remember Kara, with this knowledge you are becoming empowered - in understanding your role and how you control every single aspect of your life - and it all starts with you - everything that you want - is all for you....

With so much love,
Thank you for yet another wonderful post, Awesome...

It really does feel like what I've been doing for most of my life is resisting, fighting, being stubborn, and getting nowhere. And it definitely gets me down, energetically and otherwise. It just gets so difficult to believe that I'm attracting her negativity through my own thoughts, when oftentimes her negativity strikes me when I'm at my best, like leaving school with a friend, in a great mood, looking forward to finally relaxing at home, and then she starts her tirade when I wasn't expecting it... and then I start reasoning that if my positive vibes are being constantly struck down, then I should switch to negative thinking instead and at least "fight" on the same level.... and negativity means resistance. But that's not the right way to go is it, it'll only escalate into further fighting (not to mention totally destroy everything I'm working for).

But yes, I guess I should try to reach for something better. Thanks!

My heart goes out to you.

Here is what I suggest -

1) Make your plans for the future (becoming roommates with your friend/s in the future) more definite. By that I mean you have a fair idea when you will be moving out - say march 2010 or whatever. This gives you something to look forward to. When life in physical reality is hell, you need to exercise the power of your mind and awareness to reshape this physical reality to a better one. You do this with intention - clear defintion enhances manifestation.

2) I understand you in this. You are in this situation by default, that is something you didn't cause it. There is a part of you, your awareness, that no-one can touch, no-one can destroy, and that will give you the strength to survive this, till you can move on. Trust this power in you.
Thanks a lot for posting,

Even though I believe that everyone who replied was sincere in their efforts to help me, I feel really down when I read things that sound to me like "you feel it, you let it, it's your fault" even if they're right, so thank you for avoiding that tactic. I'm definitely doing your first suggestion, turning a fantasy into something more concrete... hmm, perhaps I've actually been resisting making it any more than a fantasy, have to look into that... Thanks for your words of encouragement :)
That is a tough nut to crack... but I don't think it is about laying blame, that thought that "you created it" is supposed to help you create something better. If you can somehow take the random fate out of your situation that might help you be able to allow yourself to choose something a bit different, and have belief that the different situation will manifest.

Your relationship with your mother isn't that unique - I did the same with my mother as well. I think it is because there is a point in our lives when we need to get out of our parents house. I think it is biological - but here your mother is trying to tell you how to live your life, and you are saying, 'Nope, I'm gonna do it my way'. It is the cycle of how things go. When I was 14 my mom started to go through menopause. Talk about a heated household!

But softening your reaction to your mom might be worthwhile - she is still the person that raised you, that cared for you, and it could be that your communications have just not developed to that 'adult' level. You should attempt to respect her for the wisdom she has, and if she tells you something that you don't agree with, try to think of the way that would be 'quietest' to respond. For instance, I'm 32 and my parents live outside of town about 1 hr and I go there to help them out as I can (they are in their 70's). My mother still insists to this day that I carry lots of warm clothes, extra gas, extra salt, etc in my car incase I get stuck in a snowstorm. I could resist that, saying that she doesn't respect me as an adult, etc, but I've chosen the quietest way to go - I just do it. It puts her mind at ease, and it makes sure that our relationship is a bit smoother.

She may be negative as all get out, but she may be concerned about you, or something else going on in her life. Or heck, she might be going through menopause, or she might have something medically wrong too (when my mom's insulin is high, she is not a nice person!)... maybe taking that from a different perspective might help you soften your responses to her, and might help you start to grasp to the positive specks that your mother offers.. once you can grasp onto that, you might find that your relationship is a bit easier?

Let us know how it goes... :-)
And also, about your weight etc.. you could very well have something tied to your insulin. If you can, go for a few walks in the morning to clear your head, and see if staring on a b vitamin w/ maybe some magnesium might help. In times of great stress - perceived or real! - our body goes through b vittles like anything. Magnesium isn't much better. Take care of yourself, know that you are healthy, and let your mom's criticism slide. At some weird base level she is concerned about you, take that concern as love and throw the rest of her words away.
I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate everything you wrote here, Lizzers, in both your posts.
You've given good, solid, peaceful advice. =)
Heh, anytime. ^-^

My mother and I are fully aware of our conflict, it's a verbal battlefield every single day, and us being in the same room is like being in a minefield for the two of us. We're fully conscious of the severity of our deteriorating relationship, so if you guys get along, you're probably fine. You're right that she might harbor some dark thoughts that she's not showing, but they're probably nothing serious if they don't show externally in any way. I can't tell too much from your post though...

I feel for you in your situation. And it can be hard to find good thoughts in the midst of this kind of thing, where you feel like everything she is doing is causing you to have all kinds of problems and issues in your own mind.

And I would venture to say that you feel pretty trapped right now.

I can tell what the truth is -- and I am sure you will read it, but it may be hard to grasp in the way that it is meant.

While her behavior is certainly behavior that is difficult to deal with, or would be for me (my mother was no picnic either sometimes), your reaction to her behavior is yours alone. She is not causing any of it to happen to you. But it is your response to it that leads to your ailments.

That said, IN NO WAY DO I WANT TO TELL YOU THAT YOU ARE AT FAULT OR ARE CAUSING THIS ON PURPOSE. You already probably hear enough of that in your day, don't you?

For now, let's look at it this way. In the environment you're in, I would have to say that it's no wonder you feel bad. I would be hard-pressed to find anyone who had to live in this situation who would be a joyful, calm and serene person.

So there is no way in which I could ever suggest to you that you shouldn't feel the way you do. Yes, I think that the situation contributes to your turmoil. Your job is to find ways to deal with it so that it doesn't "get to you."

And that's the journey you're taking right here, by sharing this story with us. You have been such a wonderful person on this site, asking questions and getting people to share -- or perhaps you're not the Kara I'm thinking of but it doesn't matter anyway, because you are a wonderful person, hands down, no matter what!

Keep up the EFT.

First thing I would offer is this:

Sit down and write out a list of all the things you want, based on all the things that are going on now.

I want to feel loved.
I want to feel like what I do is really appreciated.
I want to feel that I am beautiful just as I am.
I want to feel that what Mom says about me is totally irrelevant to the reality that I am a perfect, beautiful, compassionate, loving person.
I want freedom from this negativity.
I want to feel healthy, strong and well.
I want to be able to stand up to my mother in a healthy and loving way.
I want to be able to see my mother's own pain and know she acts the way she does because of it.
I want to find ways to not let what Mom says or does get to me.

Whatever works best for you.

Write the list. Write it, read it, write it again, read it again, and imagine what it would be like to have the things you desire. Imagine what it would be like to have things calm and peaceful and joyful. Go into your room and spend time doing this as much as you can.

You will have to go back out into the world of Mom again, and you'll probably end up feeling frustrated again, but every time you do this, you raise your vibration and help yourself to feel a bit better. This all adds up, builds up. Imagine what it would be like to have freedom in whatever way works best for you. Just imagine it, play with it, have fun with it.

You have the ability to go out and be with friends. This is good. Now, with those friends of yours who are having the same troubles as you are with their mothers, have a little time during which you just sort of casually say, "What would it be like if our moms were really cool?" And start imagining it. Encourage your friends to talk about what that would be like. Or you could say, "What would a really cool mom be like?" and get a discussion going.

Do your best, when you are away from home, to just have fun. Play some games. Picture yourself, as you leave the house, cutting a string that ties you to your mom for a while. She is in that house, stewing in her own miserable juices. You are out having fun, and that's what you get to do, it's right and good, and she has nothing whatsoever to do with it. And if she doesn't like it, she's the one missing something; how very sad. But by damn, not you!

My favorite quote (to be funny) is: "By God, I'm going to have fun if it KILLS me!" LOL.

Also, be in touch with your anger about her. Use it for yourself; that is, to energize you to take action toward doing things that will help you feel better, and not feel beat down and depressed. Please do your best to not make her responsible for your happiness. The tactic to avoid is, "If my mother would just change, I'd be fine." Your mother won't change. BUT YOU have control over YOU! Thank goodness for that.

Right now, you understandably want to blame her for your problems and the way you feel. And yes, her vibe doesn't help you keep yours up. But if you can find ways of raising your vibe that are healthy and things that you enjoy, you will do better.

And by then, you'll be able to move out.

Remember this, too -- you do need to find ways to help yourself be happy, because even if you move out, there can always be things that will get to you, so best to use this time to shore up your own ability to let that crap roll off your back, as best you can.

Keep up the EFT. Use your online resources for help with such things. And keep in touch with us.

You are a gift.

Love and blessings,
Mary Jo


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