How to know your core values and where you want to go.

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Permalink Reply by Hooked on Sparkles on May 19, 2009 at 10:17am

1. What should be done to know which is my area of work (profession)?
2. How to know where I want to go (means to know this)?
3. How to regain area's in which I was doing well, and now I don't have motivation to do well in those area's ?
4. What are the tools which will help me to be on track with LOA without getting distracted?
5. Finally how to know my core values and where I want to go?


I'm 53 years old. I've been in a number of professions. I still don't know what my area of work is, LOL! I am actually seeing some things come into clearer focus -- but I'm the kind of person who likes to do a number of things depending on my mood, and I have the ability to do a lot of different things. This has often led to confusion for me. But what make it most confusing or frustrating was when I thought I SHOULD come up with something specific. I understand that feeling!

For me, the inability to settle in (even though I did pursue and settle, temporarily, into some things) was an emotional thing. I think that's true for everything we do. It's all about emotions. I didn't feel good, emotionally, so whatever it was that I wanted to feel seemed impossible, and whatever I thought about doing didn't feel that good, and because of that, I felt like nothing I did was going to go well anyway.

I did find one profession that I spent years getting to and was involved in it for a while -- but I've even changed that.

What has helped me the most is finding happiness and joy inside myself -- in whatever way I could find it.

I had a counselor once who said, "Emotions are really important to you, aren't they?" At the time, I felt like she was saying that focusing on emotions was just one option out of many, and that I seemed to be mostly preoccupied with them. I see now that I was spot on in terms of my focus. That's what I wanted to "fix" in my life -- my feelings. My emotions! I wanted to feel better, because I knew that if I felt better, the rest would iron itself out in time.

Meanwhile, as you explore what your emotions are telling you, there are also practical tools for you to explore what your "career" might look like. I suspect you have looked at some of them. If that helps, great.

Most of all, ask yourself, "Are there things that really feel good to me when I think about doing them?"

"What do I look forward to doing when I get up in the morning?"

If there are things that you would really be excited about doing when you awoke -- that would make you want to get out of bed and go for it, what are they?

You may have to just choose something you know you can do for a time while you tune into yourself to see what you can "hear" (feel).

You are a guy. Guys can sometimes not be real excited about the idea of "feelings." But even that is a feeling -- of either not wanting to tune into feelings, or knowing that it's actually a good thing. Feelings don't mean sentimentality, or tears, or fluff. (The stereotypical not-guy things.) Feelings mean energy, power, guts. And you, a guy, can go for what feels good in your gut. Your core values come from your feelings. It's all about feelings -- that empower you, your decisions, your energy, what makes you who you are.

Another thing: don't put yourself down because you can't decide or don't have a desire to do a particular thing. Where does it say that a person must figure out, once and for all, their life's path, today, that must be stuck to forever?

For some, this is the wonderful reality.

For others, sticking with one thing forever means stagnation, and eventual unhappiness.

Some grow and evolve in whatever profession they have chosen.

For others, growth and evolution mean making changes.

There are no rules. When you let go of those rules, you'll feel better about yourself and all that stress will slow or stop.

Be OK and in fact, be glad that you don't know. Because now you have an opportunity to slow down and take some time and listen and be good to yourself and realize that you don't HAVE to know. Just do some things, try some things, and each thing you do with help you to know. Listen to what feels good. Get rid of the "shoulds" that come along when it comes to career choices. Totally blast the word "should" out of your vocabulary. There are NO SHOULDS. What you "should" do, is allow yourself to know that there is total freedom of choice and that anything that people tell you about The Way It Is, just plain isn't true. Nothing is impossible.

Trust yourself -- things are perfect just as they are, and the things you need to proceed forward are on their way to you -- just be open, because they may not be what you think they "should" be!!!

Mary Jo

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Permalink Reply by Arnie on May 19, 2009 at 9:07pm

I am reflecting on your invaluable inputs and thoughts. I feel something constructive will definitely come out of this. I will welcome any other thoughts that anyone might want to share.

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Permalink Reply by Awesome on May 20, 2009 at 11:08am

Hi Arnie.....

All the answers to these very deep personal questions reside inside you.....Don't get caught up in the hum drum of it all because then you are not paying attention to YOU!

You can answer these questions, be still, and allow them to come forth.....

This is the LIFE of your dreams - ONE CHANCE TO HAVE IT ALL. Don't just exist - YOU ARE THE CREATOR!

I have found that by actively participating in this wonderful community has enabled me to do alot of soul searching, it gives me things to consider, and keeps my mind focused on the things I do want - keeping the desire of what I do want ALIVE and WELL!

What are you missing?

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Permalink Reply by Tom on May 21, 2009 at 11:36am

Part of your issue, is that you may not believe you can have or deserve what excites you most. Chances are, you do have a good idea of what work excites you, but you squash it because you think its not practical. Be very aware of where doubt is popping up in your soul searching. The reality is that it should not take you more than 5 days to at least get an outline of where you want to go, it can change later, for now, get the ball rolling with the career desires that excite you.

My main response it, believe more in yourself and really amp up your Faith that you can have what you really want. I think doubt is blocking your clarity a bit and making it seem more complicated than it really is.

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Permalink Reply by Federov100 on May 24, 2009 at 10:07am

Arnie, perhaps you're asking the wrong questions.

If you haven't fallen into a profession by this time, I suspect that as a creator, you are pursuing a different set of interests, one that does not fit typical life models.

However, the underlying premise of your questions seems to compare your natural inclinations to peer and societal standards, suggesting that you are doing something wrong. This comparison doesn't serve you, instead leaves you disconnected, confused and self-doubting.

The person who adopts ideals that are not his own, that do not serve his own deeper interests, and accepts them as the measure of his own worth, is setting himself up for frustration.

Your true pursuit may have nothing to do with a traditional career— or a career that unfolds in traditional ways. For example, some people, such as myself, follow a pace and a path that is in contrast to norms.

Perhaps you need more empowering questions, ones that better serve the unique and powerful entity that you are.

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