This is the second time I have written this. The first time the browser crashed. Maybe I said something in there the Universe did not like so. I will take it as sign. So I will keep this one shorter. LOL. I met someone a few years ago when I was married..well we were both married at the time she still is but I am not as of a few weeks ago..I walked away from a 20 year marriage. It was not a perfect marriage but what marriages are? I thought I was happy..well I was happy with the family part but I would say there was always something missing on the intimacy part..I love my wife but I was never in love with her. I married young and she had kids already. I cannot say I married just because she was pregnant but it played a big part I am sure. I did like being around her but I was so set on not being alone I was ready just to settle down..I was 21 thinking this!! Not that I am saying I needed to go around and put a few extra notches in my belt..but there was things in life I should of experience..being on my own for starters I went straight from my parents..to an instant family and I was good with that.
But overtime I always felt like something was missing. I put all my efforts into the family, religion whatever I could find. But I never really figured out what I was missing. I thought I loved my wife at the time and I thought I was happy. I still love her and I am concerned with her welfare. But I have recently discovered I was never in love with her. I never had that drive for passion with her. I never thought of growing old with her or a future. I just never thought that way. I think she realized it the whole time that I was not really in love with her. Which made her insecure and jealous of everything and everyone. I really can’t judge her because it’s my fault. If I would just have made her feel secure maybe she would have not been as jealous. I don’t know it just that our relationship as a couple was not as important to me as being a family. She really did not make me happy as a person and that is very hard for me to say and I would never tell her that now even though we are divorced. She still wants to reconcile but I do not believe it is fair because I have slowly moved on over the past few years away from our relationship. No I have not told her and I feel that it is not a good idea to do so. Bottom like I wanted a divorce but I was to chicken to do one myself!!!
This brings me to today and possibly the reason that I have been able to go through with the divorce. I fell in love with the other person. I did not go looking for this love or person. When she came into my life..wait that is not true..before she came into my life.
It was when just heard she would be starting soon and I knew nothing of her. Something (Universe?) told me she would be special she is the one. Whatever the one is? I just knew she would change my life and she did. Over a slow period of time we began to talk in the beginning I stayed away as much as I could with us both being married and my beliefs telling me to stay clear. She always told me she thought I did not like her. I told her I was playing cool..LOL. I told her “I guess you did not realize me accidently trying to touch your hands when handing you something” She informed me the day she met me all she wanted to do was sit and talk to me all day long and she really doesn’t like talking that much.
I used to never take off work..just so I could see her and be near her. Something about her gave me life. But we were both married and as I said it before my belief said no and I did not want to cross that line. But as time went on I felt a greater pull to know her more. I had to be out of the office one day and I was joking with everyone who could I text in case I am bored she said I could text her. Well I usually did not do that but that day I did and that day started it all.
We began to slowly talk more. Spend time with each other as much as we could without drawing attention to us. I would hold her in my arm and touch and hold her hand when I could. It was like being home every time we were together. The world would disappear and we would get lost in each other’s company time would seem like it stopped when actually hours would go by. In time I told her..something that I have never done first that I was in love with her. She said she was as well just too afraid to say it. I fell in love for the first time in my life and we were both married. We discussed the type of love and asked ourselves if this was just a crush or the rush we feel because it “wrong” mistaking it for love. She said not for her that it is a deep deep soul love..and I would say it is the same for me. But this never prevented her from feeling guilty about her feelings for me. I told her we never went looking for this. It just happened. Every time we tried (her mainly) to split something kept bringing us back together it was different amounts of time but it always went back the way it was. She could not figure out why she felt this way about me because she was technically happy in her marriage at the time. She could not figure out the draw towards me.
We have become very close and have talked about where we are going to get married and growing old together everything that I could not do with my ex I was able to do with her. She knows more about me that my wife did in 20 years. In the end we believe we are Twin Flames/Twin Souls (Looked in to False Twin as well but nothing matches) everything lines up with how we feel about each other..but she is the runner and I am the chaser. Like I said I am now divorced..it took multiple attempts to get the divorce finalized and I was OK maybe the universe is telling me something or if this needs to stop have the woman I truly love end it and I will stop the divorce..not once but 3 times there was a chance but nothing. I kept seeking signs..and I was contantly seeing 911/ getting Ones with 11 on them. A day she told me how much she realized she loved me I received ones with 11 on them not one but two and afterwards still. But three days after the divorce she said she needed a break its not what she wants but what she needs.
I believe this one is the one I am supposed to be with but she is too afraid to make a move because of what people may think of her and she does not like hurting people. Every time the guilt would get to her should would tell me she is not ready. She once told me she married someone whom she I believe is someone she cares for, love, and want to be with. She is taken care of and loves being around him. They work well together. But since that was told to me months ago we have gotten even closer. She has told me more than once how much she truly loves me..and one day we will be together.
There is a lot more to this but I am running of time. So I am asking have been using the LOA to bring her back to me. She is married I know there are those about free will and LOA and those that believe you cannot put a limit on LOA. I say not to free will we did not go looking to fall in love but we did.
The past few days I have been seeing 222, 444, 911, 888, 333 and 555. In one day I have seen 222 333 444 cannot remember that order of occurrence though
If there is someone that can help me figure this out it would be great. I do not believe I made a mistake in the divorce. I do not like seeing my ex upset. But I did not feel the energy or passion I do with the other. Which is now gone at this time as well. I should not go back to my ex just because the one or the type of person I want to be with is not ready yet.
I do want the best for my ex and I want her to be happy and fulfilled in life. If that is supposed to be with me then the universe will have to change me. I just don feel it for her and I was feel bad that I wasted 20 years of her life.
Thank you for this. As of this morning I am starting to feel a different. I was angry yesterday due to my treatment I received from my Twin Flame/Soul (I do not believe she is just a soul mate. We can multiple soul mates in our life time to teach us things..friends, family members, lovers).
But I finally decided to really try to detach myself from the situation. I told myself and the Universe..hey I love this person this is who I want to be with or someone better (Even though I have know this person long enough to know the good and bad of them and I still love them). So I started to remove apps from my phone that we would talk on and I took gifts they bought me out of my bag that made me think of them. I said to the Universe I love her I believe we are suppose to be together..now you deal with the rest. Now mind you I still ask and vizualize the end result. I see us getting married on a beach..in a hammock together..its so vivid it is scary almost like we have already done it.
The funny thing is I asked for signs from the Universe if I am on the right path with this person and will we end up together soon..as of this morning I heard multiple songs stating everything is going to be alright on the radio and License plates and signs with 77, 777 on them. I so guess I am doing what I am supposed to do. I will say its hard when you see signs like this and we expect the outcome the same day and if it doesn't happen we question but I have to remember just because I can't see it now doesn't mean a week a month or a year from now it wont be where I want..I hope its not a year..LOL but she is strong willed..man I love that woman!!! LOL Thanks for the response and I am glad I finally found a place that has like minded people. Like I said I am new to LOA and Twin Flames..hell I have never known what is was like to fall in love before and I am in my 40's!
So what your saying is with the LOA as long as I work on myself first, realize I am happy without them, visualize a life with them and not worry about the how it happens. I am on the right path?