I am fed up. .....I'll go anywhere or do anything to be happy.
How do you allow happiness?
I just completely and utterly believe I deserve to be happy!
I mean to the exclusion of all else.
I have driven myself into madness trying to control my thoughts!
I am an artist. So I'm pretty obsessed with art.
Then stop trying to control your thoughts so much... allow them and guide them instead. When you resist your thoughts and stress out over them, it's like you're anchoring yourself down more and more. Your thoughts are not a threat, they're messages, they're insights. Begin to loosen your grip and naturally you will be pulled into happiness. Our 'vibration' returns to it's natural, high state on it's own when it isn't being hindered very much, quite like if you were to hold something that naturally floats underwater, and then release it, it floats back up. You're trying to figure out what you need to do, and what efforts you need to make, and then you end up in madness because you're trying way too hard. It takes time though. You may have many more moments when you're fed up, but if you see every time you're fed up as an opportunity to look at what you've been doing that hasn't been benefiting you, you'll know what to let go of so you can get where you want to be with more ease, or let yourself be taken there with more ease.
I wouldn't try to control your thoughts. I would simply enjoy everything you do or experience. Without thoughts or judgment. Let thoughts come and go, and focus back into the NOW. We usually have zero problems now - they are usually about us thinking about the past or the future.
I think I'm just angry and frustrated that life has seemed to be so stressful for so long. With so few breaks of release of resistance, allowing, or joy.
Yes sticking with good feeling thoughts can be a little hard for me, I seem to slip depending on my mood. However I have been noticing a lot this week of weaknesses or limitations, and even thou I know the tools I seem to slip up. That has not made me happy at all. Realisatons, awakening only paves the way for happiness.