I -need- help... badly!

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Permalink Reply by Michelle Petkus on December 4, 2008 at 7:05am

Cry it out at first. Cry until you can't cry anymore, until it feels silly, then you can get down the the business of getting past this man. Eventhough this one seems like the only one there are other men. The right one for you will come along and you will be grateful this one was passed by. Take care.

Love,
Michelle

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Permalink Reply by darkness on December 4, 2008 at 7:12am

If you love him as you say you do, just be happy for him. Unconditional love is loving someone without expecting something in return.
You seem to love him, but you expect him to love you back, to come back to you. This is not unconditional love.

I once read something really beautiful about love, something that made me think about it. I'll try to put it in my own words and I hope I'll make myself clear.

We are taught that when a relationship ends, we are supposed to feel miserable. Why not act the other way around? What if, instead of feeling miserable, we sought the good that came in our lives? Thank God for the good times you experienced in that relationship, thank Him for bringing that special person into your life (even if the relationship is over), be happy for everything that you learnt from that relationship. See that relationship as an evolution for your soul, be happy for the good that you experienced.

PS: I know how you must feel about this situation, I know how it is to want to be with someone you love. I'm in a situaton somehow similar to yours, because I'm very much into a guy that's in a serious relationship. Everytime I see him, my heart beats faster and the butterflies in my stomach start to agitate.

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Permalink Reply by chengchen on December 4, 2008 at 8:32am

Ok i am quite new to loa, and i know many will think this can´t be done cos interfere with others free will and all that, but what about using loa to get him back, to have him love you and appreciatte the good in you and what you have to offer him?

For me doing that just to hurt someone will be bad, i mean if you do it out of revenge just to make someone who´s hurt you in the past love you and you not love him back. But if you are doing it out of love, and will be good to that person i think you should give it a try, if his love and beeing together is what you want.

Supposely there´s not limit with loa, you can be and have anything you want... and if what you want is to be happy, and in a perfect relationship with that person, and you really do it out of love, i don´t see why it wouldn´t work. Cos not working would be an exception to that "there´s no limit".

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Permalink Reply by Milou on December 4, 2008 at 6:45pm

Thank you all!

I do truly love him, and I wish him to be happy, it just makes me sick thinking about him with another girl..

I know there are other man around, I have dated a little after the break-up, but he just wasn't as great..

Also I know I should grateful for the relationship, and frankly, I really am. We shared great moments. Thinking about it though makes me sad cause it had to end though..

I think I first need to move on, and be not so.. dependent on him and his view on me, to start working on getting him back to me.

I have been trying to ignore him a little, give him little to no attention and it is working out. I feel less for him now. And just a few minutes ago he started talking to me on messenger, nothing Iwantyouback-related though. He did seem to want to make me jealous. Which I guess I can only conclude means he does defenitely care for me in some way.

I just realised tonight that we are not on the same frequency, and not in the same phase in life. We are in too different places right now. One day, I know we can be, for sure. We are amazing together. But now I see we are in too different places..our lives don't fit.

I'm trying to let him go, and it's working out for me, though I'm not yet done with it. I find it hard to let go, and realise I'm not in his life anymore. I know somehow I'm still in his heart (after all, I'm his first serious girlfriend), even though he probably tries hard to cover it..

More advice is always appreciated, wisdom shared and wise words of inspiration :).

Thank you SO much to all that replied, words can't describe my gratefulness and love for you! You're truly amazing persons!

Ps. I adore me, so it's not really about me having to love me to get over him. I love me, respect me, and married me ;) (recommend that to all!)

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Permalink Reply by Judy on December 4, 2008 at 7:23pm

Keep the feeling and look for the universe to line it up. He served to show you what you want. Watch for it,

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Permalink Reply by P on December 4, 2008 at 10:08pm

I truly understand how you feel, how a break up can really drain you completely.I wish you well and i really really hope you will be happy again soon.... if you have faith that he's coming back, no matter how long it might takes, then stay happy and wait... don't allow any one can tell you that you're wrong in waiting. I've close friends telling me that i know its time to give up... but no, within me, i don't think i should give up... I love him and i'll wait because i know its not the end between us.. I know he still loves me, i know he still want me..he just don't know how to want me when we both are still in pain...

Just be sure that you want him not because the pain of not having him is overwhelming. Want him because you truly know that he is the right one for you. Improve yourself, feel good... so when he finally comes back, you are worth it. :)

I wish you best....

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Permalink Reply by rcflyer on December 4, 2008 at 11:32pm

I guarantee that you will find another guy even greater then the guy you are crying over. As a matter of fact, I bet there are many guys you would fall in love with that will be just as and even greater then this guy was to you. Life is too short and there are too many people in this world to ruin your life over one guy.
I have lots of experience with this, so trust me when I say that as soon as you change your vibes and start intending for the love of your life, and you meet this new man, you will completely forget about this dude your feeling bad about. Its an insecurity you must get over if you want to find that perfect love that will sweep you off your feet. trust me, I know because I have been in your schoes numerous times. I've also been married twice, and at such a young age. I've learned to move on and after a while, I would find another woman that is even greater then the last one..prettier, smarter, more loving, etc....
Trust me, he is out there. This dude is not the end all be all. You can find someone even better. Just have patience and change your thinking.

Good luck!

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Permalink Reply by Lizzers on December 5, 2008 at 1:47am

meh - try NLP. I remember someplace it describing thoughts as small rivers going through creekbeds... the longer they trickle, the more indentations they make. It sometimes takes a big process in order to shift a stream like that - but it can be done. I think it is purely mechanical...

This worked well for me - controlling your image and your thought of that instance...
1) When a strong image or memory comes into your mind, stop. Replay the image/ memory. Live it for a second, and let yourself feel those emotions. Next.. and here's the strange part... pretend it is on a reel to reel film projector. Slow it down. Alter the soundtrack. Pretend there are some fun house mirrors reflecting his and your bodies. Picture what it would be like if the memory was played backwards. Or at high speeed. Or if it was redone in animation. Or, you could pretend like it was a record in your mind, and where you visualize taking the record and scratching it all up, so the next time it plays, the sound are bubbling and popping and hissing and not making any impact, or sense.
2) When the image or memory comes back again, repeat this process above. If you can, have fun with it. You will only have to do this maybe 3 times to get the memory down to a less strong effect.

NLP - is the belief that memories are stored in specific locations of the body - some great resources in the itunes library under audiobooks.. that might help as well.

Contrary to what other people say - don't dwell on it. Don't try to "process it". The more time you pay towards the negative thoughts, the stronger they become. You have the control over your thought processes, you just need to take that control back.

Finally on a completely healthy/ holistic level - get some B vitamins and some magnesium. If you are under a bit of stress (break ups are hard on your body) you might be low on these, which may mean you are a bit more reactive to things than you want to be. B vittles are fine to take, but only take a weeeee bit of magnesium a day... like any heavy metal it can build up in your organs!

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Permalink Reply by Milou on December 5, 2008 at 3:00pm

Now that I am not showing him a lot of interest, and attention (energy), he is starting to show more interest in me frankly..

Only the thing is, which makes me laugh cuz it's sad, he seems to try and make me jealous (by being a little mean too..)

I don't understand it. I AM progressing fast right now. I feel like an hourglass, if you know what I mean. When the sand starts running, it runs, but it's not processing fast, but towards the end it seems to go faster and faster. It seems to happen for me right now. I feel less when I see him, and I love that.

I hate it when someone 'takes' my freedom, and I need to be independent from him to move on :).

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Permalink Reply by Debbie Greene on December 5, 2008 at 4:41pm

As a follower of Abraham-Hicks and thier teachings I would like to offer their take on your situation:


Q: I'm a little stuck so if you can help me get out of the stuckness that would be great, since I've been working with this material I've been trying to vibrate correctly to bring in "my lover". I've done the processes and visualized and pretended...

Abe: What are you really picky or something?

[Laughter]

Q: Very picky, yeah...wow you're good...yes...

Abe: Well the reason we ask this is because...

When the Universe yields to you the best thing that it can yield to you given your vibration, and then you say, "No Universe, this isn't right." You are defying the thing we just said you have to do. Remember we said, "You have to make peace with where you are." And, we wanted to begin with you because we think that this is the easiest way to hear this, maybe of all of the topics that we could talk about. So did you hear us say, "Make peace with where you are."?

So let's say the Universe has matched you up - not with your "ideal" of the perfect relationship - but with what you are right now - a vibrational match to. Now, isn't that always the way that it is? In other words, what you're offering vibrationally is all you have access to. So if the Universe keeps yielding to you something different than what you want, what does that mean? Does it mean the Universe is making a mistake? No. It means your vibration doesn't match your ideal, and the reason this keeps happening to you is because you keep giving more attention to what you're getting and not enough attention to what you're wanting. Now if you will try what we are going to give you here for, 2 weeks, this problem will be solved, so you're ready for this?

Q: Yeah, bring it on!

Abe: So the Universe yields to you someone that, as you check them out, is not the match to the list that you've made, but within that person - it is our promise to you, because we can feel the clarity of the vibration of you about that subject - you're about 85...86...87% in alignment with your ideal. So what the Universe is yielding to you are potential partners that are about 85 to 87% of what you want. But what's happening to you is, you're focusing upon the 13 to 15% of them that's wrong. And so as you focus upon the part of them that's wrong you hold that part active in your vibration, so the Universe keeps saying to you, "We're giving you ALL that you have access to, not ALL that you're asking for, but ALL that you're letting in right now". And the reason you're not letting more of it in, is because you're doing such a good job of observing what's coming in and not such a good job of remembering what you want to come in.

So all that you would have to do, is begin with the next person that you spend any time with, making a list of their positive aspects, practice it before you see them, practice it while you're seeing them, practice it after you've seen them. Activate within you that 85 to 87% that the Universe got just right, so that you are deactivating the part of it that isn't just right and in doing so you clean up your vibration a little bit. So the next one who comes is that much closer, and the next one who comes is that much closer. And to each of them, you don't leave them wounded as you cast them aside, instead, each of them - because you've done such a wonderful job of activating the very best that you see in them - you leave them in a vibrational place that they're gonna' turn around and be attracted right into an environment or a relationship with somebody else that's right there ready for who they are you see. Now we want to give you one more really important thing about this, we hear, we can feel that you're getting this - this is the next important thing...and we talked about this just a bit, briefly just now.

There is a tendency to feel different about creating the perfect relationship, than you do about creating the perfect 1-week vacation, because creating the perfect 1-week vacation - no matter how you got it - it'll be over in a week. But with relationships you tend to say, "I have to create this perfect relationship and it not only has to match everything that I now want, but since it's one of those "death do us part things"...

[Laughter and pause.]

BIG mistake - then, I've got to figure out from where I am now, with only as much experience as I've lived so far - I've got to figure out everything that I will ever, ever want and everything that I will ever, ever Be forever more. And we say, "Give it up."

We think the perfect marriage vows would go something like,
"I like you pretty good, let's see how it goes."

[Applause]

So take the pressure off yourself by acknowledging that you are an evolving being and of course you want to factor in to your intentions, "I want a partner who's evolving too, and a partner who has the potential, a partner who, at the core is much in vibrational resonance with me, a partner who has discovered the connection with source and all of that, in other words there are all kinds of things you can intend. But please make a decision that you're just going to be flexible and take that pressure off that says, "This has got to be forever more." Just have a relationship 1-week vacation at a time.

[Cheering]

And before you know it, you will have attracted into your experience someone that you'll want to check the box, "I want to stay on board for another week."

[Massive applause and cheering.]

And then you just keep renewing those vows,

"Wanna' go 'round again?"

"Yeah, why not!?"

Q: Which answers the next part of the question which is, Why have I never been able to keep anybody past 3 months?" And it's usually them telling me, "see ya' later", I've attracted in this great person and then...

Abe: But if you were focused upon the great aspects of that person, so that you were activating the best of them, and the best of them was meeting the best of you, they would never want to leave. What makes people want to leave is your wanting to get it so right that you get fixated on the parts that aren't good and then you activate the parts of them that you don't like that they don't like either. And then they find themselves just not feeling good about life when they're with you, not because there is not the potential for it, but because you have highlighted something in them that they thought they'd left behind, or that they want to leave behind you see.

There are no two perfect people who are going to come together and show each other only the perfect things, that doesn't exist anywhere in the Universe. What there exists are multi-faceted beings who have many potential activation points, and the relationship that ensues between them depends upon what each of them decides to be activated. What goes wrong with most relationships is, this one gives that one complete responsibility for what's activated over here...

"You don't bring me flowers anymore, you don't love me the way you used to". And this one, usually, is giving this one complete responsibility for how this one feels. When you decide that you're responsible about how you feel, now, most of that trouble dissolves in the ethers immediately because, now you have control of the way you feel, and when you have control of the way you feel, then you activate the very best in the other.

Now we're going to give you something here that you don't want to hear, but we REALLY want you to hear it anyway...wait, that defies law...

[Laughter]

We're going to give you something that you really want to hear, that you're not ready to hear...wait, that's a waste of time...

[More laughter]

Q: But I can hear it later on the CD...

Abe: Well, we're going to tell you something that we know...

[Large laughter and cheering.]

[Long pause...]

Abe: Oh never mind...

Q: No, give it to me!!!

Abe: There are thousands of potential partners for you who would be equal in the satisfaction value. You're not looking for the one and only. And where the perfect partner lies is in your vibrational range between where you are and where you want to be on the subject, in other words, you've got to create the perfect partner in you and the Universe will match it.

So what we're really saying is,

"Pick somebody, and make peace with it, and line up with it and live happily ever after". And don't look back and second guess it, don't say,

"Well...I've noticed something that I don't like". Instead say,

"I've noticed all these things that I do like, and as I fixate on them the best of me comes out and when the best of me comes out the best of you comes out and when the best of us are here we're having a really good time. And who cares who else could have been in the party, who cares? It's sort of like somebody going to a fabulous restaurant and having a delicious meal and then, wishing they were at some other restaurant having some other delicious meal and we say,

"If you're having a delicious meal what difference does it make how many other delicious meals are there if you are having a delicious meal", you see.

And so, there's something that's sort of stuck in the craw of so many of you that says, "I've got to find the best one and only partner", and we say, "find somebody and make them the best partner by activating the best part of them in you."

Q: Thank You.

Abe: Yes indeed.

Abraham-Hicks



Namaste!

Debbie

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Permalink Reply by Mallica on December 5, 2008 at 7:25pm

I know exactly how you feel - I've been though exactly the same situation. All I can say is FOCUS ON YOURSELF AND YOUR OWN LIFE, NOT ON HIM. Pamper yourself. Date guys who adore you. USE THE LAW OF ATTRACTION TO MANIFEST A NEW MAN WHO WILL TAKE YOUR BREATH AWAY AND SWEEP YOU OFF YOUR FEET!!

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Permalink Reply by Milou on December 7, 2008 at 6:56am

what's happening? Since he showed a little interest in me 2 days ago I am thinking about him a lot more..

gone is the newfound rest and power in my body. I thought I was totally over him, but just a few minutes ago I was typing in his profile-url. I came to my senses soon enough, and backspaced it, luckily.

How do I NOT think about him anymore?

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