The man (James) I love left me at the start of this November saying he no longer loves me the same way anymore.
I knew he was planning to propose to me as we had discussed getting married and he also told me he had a ring.
The day before he left, he was texting a (girl) friend, and I thought he was hiding something - it turned out to be innocent, but I was frightened... so I looked through his phone - this 'cemented' his feeling for me as he said that I couldn't trust him. (Which I did, but acted daftly). He said that we might still be together had I not done that!!?
He left without telling me to my face (coming back a week later to collect his things from the flat we shared - I am still there).
He said to move on with our lives but in the same breath, said that if he's made a mistake, it will be his to regret. For the past few months, I did put pressure on him about the proposal (probably because I knew he had a ring), and became frustrated with general things in addition which probably added more on him. I know where I went wrong (selfish and focused on myself without being grateful to him and his love), but as he was and is still reluctant about it or let me prove to him I am still the woman he fell in love with.
I know his approach in leaving was immature but I think he has a lot on his mind...
He started full time employment for the fist time in over 4 years at the end of Aug (I had been supporting him financially in this time), I even supported him through his depression and other hardships. I thought that with us both earning, we could save for our dreams (we have never been on holiday together - and, well, I wanted to get married).
We are so compatible and perfect for each other (many friends said we're great together), but since he started his job, he has found a 'new confidence' and has filled his weekends with drink and rug binges (how people 'let their hair down' doesn't bother me as long as it's safe), but I think he is doing too much which has allowed to block any pain, remorse or feeling towards me/us.
Also, I am about to start The Magic book and would like to know if anyone has read it?
I need some advise about No. 3 Can I use James as one of my 'closest relationships' even though we are not together at this point?
I have seen some very helpful posts though this site and will implement them but as each situation is different, so any advise or suggestions are gratefully received.
All my love, gratitude and many blessings to you always.
I never reply to these posts only read them, but some thing about yours caught my eye. I was in the EXACT same boat 2 years ago...!
I sense panic and stress from your email so the first thing I would do it STOP...and just Breath...and remember even though you love him, perhaps you've lost yourself along the way? Are you the fun loving girl he first fell in love with???
In reality some one isn't going to finish a long term solid loving relationship because you checked his phone, an argument perhaps not a complete break up... so don't blame yourself, that was an easy excuse for him to use.(When your emotions calm down, things much clearer...trust me) Some times we love to play the victim...instead of taking our own inner strength and owning our life and our reactions and behaviours...
Be real with yourself, the reason you acted all needy was because he has changed. You started to react to his change and lost your inner confidence. The balance of power/energy has shifted....
Instead of trying to 'LAO' him back... Stop and ask yourself, what do I want in a life partner? this could be the best thing for both of you, you could get back and be happy out or this could create an opportunity for your perfect partner to walk straight into your life! But get selfish and real about what you want...Seriously(blinkers off) Would you like your furture husband and perhaps father of your children to '' filled his weekends with drink and rug binges''?
Do you want some one who drops you as soon as he starts making money? Instead of bring you our to nice dinners to celebrate together, he chooses drinking with his new friends? Despite you supporting him all the way?? What happens if you have children and he gets a promotion???
They ALWAYS come back...trust me. The single life isn't as amazing as they think!!!
That's not your issue now... DO NOT CONTACT HIM.
Focus on you,
Are you happy with yourself
Are you living to your best potential
Are you living the way your parents raised you to be
If you had children would you be proud of the way you are handling yourself
Are you acting like the high value woman you are born to be
Some times we love others so much we forget ourselves, that it NOT being grateful for you. You Must love YOURSELF the most first. (logically that's why confidence is so attractive) Do you treat yourself the way you treated him??
In terms of no 3, you can put him, why not put yourself. At the end of the day its the closest and most important relationship you will ever have in your life... so you may as well enjoy it:-)
I wish you all the best, focus and remember how amazing you are!
I know my email might come across direct, but I was in the exact same situation as you. I spent a long time focusing on him and day dreaming about our reunion for about a year. When in reality it was nothing to do with him...its all about YOU. Its an INSIDE job .As soon as you start being in love with yourself, you will be surprised at how things change...
I'm sending you strong love energy down the line:-)
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Your advise is most constructive and - honesty is the best policy.
You are right about the drink etc (and we always said that when we had a family, we would put them first). But I think something in him has frightened him, the influence of his friends etc might have persuaded him into making a decision he 'knee jerked' into. I am not making excuses for him and you are right to point out that he found 'his way out' with the excuse and is the 'victim'.
I know he is 'enjoying' life as I can see from his fb and (when I was around a mutual friend's house on Friday just gone, he called the friend asking to come around). I am not sure if the friend told him I was there or not, as I don't know him that well.
However, I think he has lost his way and is not ready for the life I thought we both wanted. But how can you not be ready after 6 years together?
He is a quiet, reserved person and isn't a great communicator which I wish he was. I like having a deep connection/bond with people - I want that for us.
So, you say - 'they ALWAYS' come back - do you think he will? May I ask, has your ex done so too? Or have you moved on?
Thank you thank you thank you for your strong love and energy. I send you mine back!!
Love, gratitude and blessings.
Hey Check out 'The SoulMate Secret' PDF on Google!
Thanks Lucky!! :)
Have you got a link you can send me?
Thank you thank you thank you!!
I just want to say that I am thankful that Lucky decided to answer your post, it is empathetic and brilliantly said!
And I believe The Magic book, if you do the practices will be fantastic for you in ways you may have neevr even thought of.