The marriage will be better when you understand your emotions come from the thoughts you think, and not from them. When you let him off the hook for how you feel, and don’t need him to be different for you to feel better and feel good, then you accept him as he is and allow the relationship you want.
Yeah...I'm working on just visualising what did work with us and how things feel when I open up to love. When I look back at how I behaved...so many things were an absolute fear reaction. He felt fear or anxiety over something...and I'd spiral. I'm just trying to be love and I guess whoever else is in a vibrational match for love will bounce my way. It IS a win win way...but sometimes it actually aches letting go of that old fearful me.
Here is a post I did: Letting Go.
It's funny, I've been doing the Ho'ponono prayer frequently just to forgive myself and him for the anger in our marriage. Looking back now our relationship came from fear, not love. I was always worried he'd drink again and so held back from him to protect myself. I also understand how I held back to protect myself because of rejection issues as a child. He would have sensed not feeling loved, not wholeheartedly. He would have felt a 'wall'. I've been doing a reiki (bursting into tears), regular meditation (Joe Dispensa clearing chakras).
I love who I've just become through all of this. I look back at some of the issues I had with his family and I can't even grasp at why that was ever an issue. I don't get that girl anymore. I know I have more to do, but the more I let go of the past. The more I feel the relationship I want, the happier I am and I know that I can get nothing less than this new relationship, be it with my old hubby or somebody new.
maybe you will like this short but extra-powerful video: