how does one manifest Love from a romantic partner? (This isn't about loving ones self as a magic answer). I sm talking ably stopping sick cycles of attracting partners whom are just abandoning or emotionally unavail as my dad was!
Should I watch 100 episodes of Leave it to Beaver ot what other Role Models of love could I pay attention to in order to start expecting an emotionally loving consistant attentive partner instead?
My family was very unloving, and I grew up knowing I was not wanted. Had I not been shown love by my extended family and other adults in my life, I would not have experienced love at all as a child. It did not exist in our home, especially not for me. Thus, I grew up to be a very driven, overachieving people-pleaser, trying desperately to earn affection and approval, or that I married a man who was very much like my tyrannical and critical father (because my father expressed approval of my doing so).
Healthy? What is healthy? I had no idea.
Before I married my ex-husband, I had little experience with men. Since leaving him, I have had casual relationships with several men; some were pleasant, others not so much. However, my "bad" experiences were educational, so I do not regret having them. They showed me my wounds that needed healing; the fears I needed to confront; the erroneous assumptions I was acting under; and the gaping holes in my self-concept that I was trying to fill.
Within every "bad" relationship lies a buried treasure. To dig below the surface version of events (what he did, what she said) and look at my own thoughts, emotions, and motivations, reveals the hidden jewel. That jewel is the lesson that will transform me and my life if I am willing to give up my old beliefs and allow it. Once I have learned the lesson, I no longer need to bring those negative experiences into my reality.
My childhood was awful, and the misery continued unabated until I was nearly 40 years old. The last five years have been the best years of my life. When I think about the future, I am excited by all the possibilities it holds, and optimistic that things will continue to get even better. Free of my parents' criticism and neglect, I no longer struggle to prove myself worthy or please others, yet my relationships with other people are the healthiest and most fully reciprocal they have ever been.
However, it took a lot of deep introspection to get here. That meant getting beyond the surface narrative (which is about other people and external conditions), and digging deep into what I was thinking and why I was having the responses I did.
The men you attract do not love you in return, are unreliable, and end up abandoning you. This is the surface narrative.
Here is the hard part to swallow: Because this is a co-creative universe, you and these men are creating these unhealthy relationships together, as equal participants. You attract them, and they are also attracting you, as somebody they can have a certain kind of relationship with. You are vibrationally compatible enough to bring each other into your respective experiences and create these relationships together.
If you were not vibrationally compatible, you would not even notice each other. Either you would never meet, or your interactions would play out in a manner that did not involve sex or romance at all.
Note that I say "vibrationally compatible," not "vibrationally identical." Your vibrations may not be identical, but they complement each other. A lock and its key are not identical, but when they come together they complement each other, and perform a function neither of them could perform alone.
In my own case, I attracted critical, demanding people who disrespected me and my efforts. I did my best to try to please them because I believed that would one day make them love me. We were not vibrationally identical, but they complemented my vibration of being unloved and unwanted, with their fears of powerlessness and inadequacy.
Resistance is also involved; whatever you resist will keep appearing in your reality until you cease to push against it. If there is a certain type of man, or certain behaviors, you strongly insist that you do not want, and that you keep focusing upon, you will continue to get those until you drop all resistance to them.
Focus only upon what you want, and are saying a wholehearted "Yes" to. Do not dwell upon anything else. The Law of Attraction does not bring you what you want. It brings you what you focus upon, and if you consistently focus upon what you do not want, and are saying "No" to, that is what you will get. It cannot be any other way.
A co-worker of mine does not like sports, to the point of hostility when they are mentioned around her. She has immense resistance against sports, and dating men who are sports fans. What kinds of men does she end up falling for, then? Sports fans, of course!
The way to stop attracting unsuitable partners with unwanted qualities is to fix your own vibration. This means understanding why you keep attracting the same unwanted experiences in the first place. It could be negative beliefs; it could be intense resistance; it could be a lack of clarity about, and consistent focus upon, what you truly want. It could be all of these. Nothing will change, however, until you address it.
If you say you want a stable, responsible, gainfully employed man, but keep accepting men who lead footloose, chaotic lives (only to get frustrated when they do not change for you), you are sending mixed signals, and will keep getting results that are unsatisfactory. You are saying, "I want X, but will take Y because he is here right now, even though he is not the kind of man I want." To focus means saying, "I want X!" and sticking to it, saying "No" to Y because no matter how cute he is, you know he is not what you want.
Similarly, if you want a close, loving relationship, but stay with a man who is not giving you that, or only acts loving when you threaten to leave (i.e., remove his supply of low-commitment sex), you are sending mixed signals. When it is clear that you are not getting the kind of relationship you desire, as part of a mutually-fulfilling act of co-creation, leave it. To stay is to make the statement, "I am willing to tolerate a relationship that is unsatisfying because it is better than being alone, and I have no faith that I will find anyone better." To leave is to make the statement, "I can let this guy go, because I know there is a man out there waiting for me, who will happily join me in co-creating a loving relationship." Which, according to the LoA, is the more powerful statement of intention? That is the one you should be making.
I did not mean to write such a lengthy response, but I have come from what is perhaps a similar background to yours, and once co-created repeated cycles of the same undesirable behaviors from other people (not just lovers, but the demoralizing effect is the same). Today, I can confidently state that I have freed myself from these cycles, and no longer experience these behaviors from others to any significant degree. Everything I have written comes from my firsthand experience; I am not simply regurgitating empty platitudes, or words I have read but not applied.
I also do not claim that any of this is easy or effortless, or that you will not have to confront very painful issues from the past (or your own shadow) in order to break through and free yourself. However, In my own experience, the effort has been more than worth it, and the occasional pain has been more than offset by the sense of freedom I now experience.
Practice abundant self love for yourself and remove the toxic people who bring your vibration down out.
when you’re whole and complete with self love, you’ll attract only those people who will have the same frequency of giving you love. You can always change your wall paper (environment). If you were unloved and saw unhealthy relationships from birth till now, something triggered for you to realise that you’re attracting similar toxic scenarios or people. Give yourself a pat on the back for achieving the first step towards recognising how super amazing and worthy you are of great love.
And you can’t truly manifest love from a partner if all you’re doing is trying to ‘take’ love from them. When you have self love, you automatically radiate and ‘give’ love. Once you give, you will get it for sure.
This is what I specifically asked to not bring up at the top of the thread. I sm tired of simply being alone most 12 years! I deserve s decent relationship. Not to be a nun focusing on loving myself for the rest of my life!
“In the stillness of your presence, you can feel your own formless and timeless reality as the unmanifested life that animates your physical form. You can then feel the same life deep within every other human and every other creature. You look beyond the veil of form and separation. This is the realization of oneness. This is love.” - Tolle
You are tired of being alone and believe that you want a decent loving relationship which will fulfill your being. That can happen also, but that will sooner than later turn into a ‘co-dependent’ relationship. You’d be searching for happiness and love from that individual and if they at anytime don’t reciprocate it, you’ll be back in the same state of mind that you’re in.
I understand and that you no longer want to work towards getting a relationship but that’s not how it works. Everything in life begins and ends with you. Your energy, your thoughts etc. If you’re coming from a point of needing something without working for it, you’ll attract the same experience time and again. However, if you change your inner dialogue, believe that you are worthy of great love and are happy in your skin, without revisiting your past, becoming a new you who loves herself, then see the wonderful magic of how fast you will manage to get around with someone who values and loves you. You certainly don’t become a nun of when you focus on yourself and love yourself. It’s liberating to love yourself and give love out to others in order to receive love that you so desire.
You're so wise & loving ZH!! And Laura, i wish you one of d best romantic relationships ever*****