Letting go, and Healthy Love

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Permalink Reply by Awesome on January 12, 2009 at 12:23am

The only rule in love is that there are no rules.....

I like how you identified what your weaknesses are and how the affected this last relationship and being able to identify what they were is a good thing and being able to work to change them, well, that is even better. That just tells me you are willing to grow and mature on this adventure to bring about the best possible potential of the magnificent version of you that already exists.....

You are in the process of re-learning all sorts of things and all sorts of perspectives and I believe the most important one is to be for YOU first before you can be for anyone else. In that I mean to truly love and respect yourself and through this awareness, you will love and respect everyone around you.....You won't be clingly because you need not hang on to someone to ensure your own happiness, if you learn to provide this for yourself, you will radiate confidence, security, maturity and love to everyone you come in contact with, the same goes for respect, when you are truly respectful of YOU, you give yourself the opportunity to shine, you take care of yourself, you care about your life, your family, your friends, the world, the environment, everything. When you start changing you on the inside, everything on the outside changes and it is a reflection of who you are becoming....

Take small steps so you can absorb what you are learning freely, without force and in that you can appreciate each baby step you take, and in those little steps you are actually taking quantum leaps of faith and brining so much more into your life than you could possibly imagine in your current belief system, things are going to get so much bigger, better and brighter.....

My best piece of advice....Stay with us, enjoy the knowledge, question what you will, and question it again until you have a comfortable and meaningful way of absorbing the information....

Clear your mind and just start appreciating everything around you, your life, your past, your experiences, the sun, the moon, etc., there is also something, always, that you can appreciate and the more you practice, the more you will learn that by the power that is the UNIVERSE, the more it will bring you to appreciate!

My very best to you always and with this I send an overflowing abundance of all that is good, love, light and peace.....

Namaste,
Awesome

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Permalink Reply by Shalini on January 12, 2009 at 12:45am

Awesome - that was awesome advice :)

Yes, Dan, we need to love ourselves first - and don't knock yourself for the way you feel - sometimes closure after a particular relationship takes time and needs to go through a process. It can't be turned off like a tap. What you need to do perhaps is that through it all, tell yourself you're great and there are wonderful doors that are going to open out for you even if you can't see them right now.

Time really is a great healer - try looking forward not just for love but focusing on the other areas of your life for the future and you'll find that looking forward not backward will help you see the abundance that awaits you :)

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Permalink Reply by Dan on January 12, 2009 at 1:18am

Thank you, Shalini.

There are times where I feel optimistic like this, but sometimes it's hard to bring myself back up. You are right, hopefully time will help me get over these hurdles.

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Permalink Reply by Dan on January 12, 2009 at 1:15am

You know, in my last relationship, I'm pretty sure I was doing things mostly for me, and yet, I was still very clingy. And so was she, until she woke up one day and had some huge revelation.

I think I just need to work on unconditionally loving myself. I tend to be too hard on myself, thinking that even things she has done after the relationship was my fault in some way. It really is something I need to let go. And I have been working on loving myself, and I have gotten quite a lot of progress, which is good. But I still have work to do, I think, because I still have these clingy habits. And you are right, I need to live for myself first, but I think I need some kind of revelation that I truly love and respect myself.

I'm in such a nasty habit of thinking I'll be "truly happy IF: I'm with her, or if I have this". Part of me knows it's not where happiness comes from, but another part keeps gravitating towards those thoughts. I need to let those go as well.

I will try taking small steps, and your advice is one of my first small steps, haha. Thank you so much.

"My best piece of advice....Stay with us, enjoy the knowledge, question what you will, and question it again until you have a comfortable and meaningful way of absorbing the information...."

Honestly, this is something I look forward to doing everyday, and I thank you all for allowing me to do this. I may be a creativity freak, but I'm also a knowledge sponge. :]

I would like to work in more time in my day where I just stop and appreciate, because there really is a great amount in this life to appreciate, thank you for this reminder.

You have brought me relief, and I appreciate it so much.

Any other advice on letting go? I'm guessing this wasn't talked about as much because part of letting go is to just STOP focusing on it, eh? Haha

Thank you,
Dan

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Permalink Reply by Awesome on January 12, 2009 at 12:49pm

I found this quite comforting and healing and it was brought here by Bennibooboo a few months back and may just be what you need right now.....enjoy.....http://kathrynalice.com/releasing1.htm which is about releasing a relationship.....

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Permalink Reply by Dan on January 12, 2009 at 11:33pm

I actually found this about a week ago, it's the first step I took in letting go. :] Thank you, though.

Most of it I found to be very comforting, but the process of cutting all of our connections is much harder than it sounds.. but I'm still trying.. but yes, that website is very helpful.

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Permalink Reply by Jill Washington on January 12, 2009 at 5:26am

Dear Dan:

I used to be very jealous. But not to reiterate, but it wasn't until I really, really loved myself and who I am, I stopped being a jealous person. I understand exactly what you are saying. What helped me were baby steps, too. It will take some time, just don't try to do at once, because then you'll get frustrated. Honestly, the reason why I was jealous, because I need to learn how to trust people, and trust MYSELF. I was always worried about past lovers leaving me for someone else. Relearning is frustrating, but it can be done, and it's so worth it in the end :D.

For me, the rules of letting go revolve around trust and faith.

-J

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Permalink Reply by Fulya on January 12, 2009 at 6:44am

Dan, did you read this post?
http://www.powerfulintentions.org/group/thesecret/forum/topics/do-m...
I think it has some really useful and valuable information in it :) Especially this part explains it all, love yourself first! ;)

"I am fully and passionately in love with ME, first and foremost! Thank you that I am already complete and whole, in and of myself. I am so full of self-love because I have cared for myself and my own needs to such a degree that I can now send unconditional love to ____________ .
Even though I may not consciously know how, I thank you for transforming me into a person that ___________ would happily choose to feel intense attraction to. Thank you for helping me become what I desire most: the best person _____________ and people like him/her could choose to be with.
I say with total complete gratitude that I am not only the strong, independent, carefree, fun, and loving person that I was the first time I attracted _____________ to me, but even more so! I possess within myself the positive and healthy traits that ___________ would be happy to freely choose to align him or herself with of his/her own Free Will. I am grateful that you have created an opportunity that will allow _____________ to see me with eyes that see no shortcomings, and a heart that holds no hurt from the past.
I also know that in asking this, I am becoming a person who will attract many people to whom I am likewise attracted. And I feel great because I am no longer bound to the oppressive, self-deceiving illusion of neediness and longing, as it pertains to another person’s affections for me. I now know that is not about that person, but about myself and I am fully and passionately in love with me first and foremost! Thank You!"

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Permalink Reply by Dan on January 12, 2009 at 11:21pm

Thank you, this really is a powerful process to getting me closer to loving myself 100%. I'm not sure if my ex and I are ready yet, however. So I think I should use this mostly for myself, and maybe for us in the future? I don't know, maybe this is just going to attract her when we are both ready...

either way, thanks :]

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Permalink Reply by Chanty on January 12, 2009 at 12:47pm

My first recommendation.... please read - The Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz... Search it on the internet...you'll find parts of the book to read here & there...

For me, it was an eye opener on relationships... It became my bible...and if I were to be single, it would mandatory that the other person read it before we went on full force...cause what's in that book, is exactly what I'm looking for...

Here's an interview with the author: http://www.spiritofmaat.com/archive/apr1/ruiz.htm

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Permalink Reply by Dan on January 12, 2009 at 11:22pm

I read the article, and this guy is amazing.

Thank you, I now have more of a foundation and understanding on love. :]

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Permalink Reply by Chanty on January 14, 2009 at 8:49am

I read all his books - HIGHLY recommend them.

Glad you liked it...you should by the book...I tell ya!

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