Letting go, and Healthy Love
Okay... where to start...
If any of you have been following my journey you will know that I am learning to let go of a former lover.. I have been making strides, but I keep hitting road blocks.
So here is the first part to the question: What exactly are the rules of letting go? There's a part of me that really wants her to be happy, and to go and find the perfect mate for her. But, if I ever see or hear of her doing anything with anyone else, I get incredibly jealous. So what can I do to truly let her go? I want to look for the perfect mate as well, but I don't know if I'm ready.. aaand to be honest, deep down I really felt like we were perfect mates. We have our issues, but I feel like they can be fixed. Do I truly have to have NO expectations of the future to let her go? I feel like the only way I can let go is to have some kind of hope. So please, I really need to know what exactly I'm supposed to do, because I can't even think straight.
Okay, the second part. Anytime I think about looking for other girls, I find myself falling into old habits of thought patterns, where I feel clingy, and just be unhealthy. So I feel like throwing out all my old beliefs about love and starting from square one.
What does it mean to be healthily in love? I feel like I need to relearn everything to get rid of my old habits. You see, the being clingy and being incredibly close really did feel like love to me. It didn't feel negative in any way. But it obviously is something I need to fix. So please, give me advice, because my brain is so clouded and confused right now I can't think straight.
Thank you,
Dan
If any of you have been following my journey you will know that I am learning to let go of a former lover.. I have been making strides, but I keep hitting road blocks.
So here is the first part to the question: What exactly are the rules of letting go? There's a part of me that really wants her to be happy, and to go and find the perfect mate for her. But, if I ever see or hear of her doing anything with anyone else, I get incredibly jealous. So what can I do to truly let her go? I want to look for the perfect mate as well, but I don't know if I'm ready.. aaand to be honest, deep down I really felt like we were perfect mates. We have our issues, but I feel like they can be fixed. Do I truly have to have NO expectations of the future to let her go? I feel like the only way I can let go is to have some kind of hope. So please, I really need to know what exactly I'm supposed to do, because I can't even think straight.
Okay, the second part. Anytime I think about looking for other girls, I find myself falling into old habits of thought patterns, where I feel clingy, and just be unhealthy. So I feel like throwing out all my old beliefs about love and starting from square one.
What does it mean to be healthily in love? I feel like I need to relearn everything to get rid of my old habits. You see, the being clingy and being incredibly close really did feel like love to me. It didn't feel negative in any way. But it obviously is something I need to fix. So please, give me advice, because my brain is so clouded and confused right now I can't think straight.
Thank you,
Dan
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Vee on -
There is one method that you can try here, in order to move on.
The Human mind cannot focus on more that one conscious thought at a time. so each time you find ou feel yourself thinking of your ex, just replace it with another thought about yourself that makes you feel GOOD.
another exercise you can do is actually write down on a paper- why you resent her. what are the things she did that made you feel angry. You find that when you actually put those things on paper,you get an objective view of the situation. you will identify what role she REFUSED to play in your relationship that made you get angry. and then work on that issue.
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Permalink Reply by Dan on -
Hmm.. so I'm having a problem here.
Believe me, I want so bad to forgive her, and I've convinced myself many times that I forgive her.. but the resentment always comes back.
So yesterday, I made it a point to go out, get some things done for myself, and HAVE FUN. And I did. But by the end of the day, I realized I think I was just trying to ignore the resentment. So I thought maybe I just needed to express my feelings of anger. Thing was, I didn't feel any better afterwards, and it kept me up all night. So I'm wondering, am I going about this wrong? How exactly do I let the resentment go? Is feeling angry not helping? If I don't release the anger, I'm likely just bottling it up.
I don't geeet it.
So.. I wanted to start working on Mallica's advice on attracting my ex back.. and before I released the desire to attract her back, I just thought of the love I felt for her, and even tried remembering specific memories.. and NO emotion would come! None of my feelings for her, none of my love for her would come. So I'm really afraid that I have lost all love for her, and even lost my desire for her to come back. So I'm wondering, do you think this is only because of the resentment? Regardless of her coming back, I still want to love her.. but I just DON'T feel it.
I would like some answers and maybe advice please.. just please be gentle ; - ;
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