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Hey all!

This is my first post over here. I've been following this forum for the longest time, reading all the posts, all the success stories, and everything to help me out, and maybe turn my life around. I will warn you though, this will be a long one. Please read it if you have the time, I would really appreciate it.

This is another story about heartbreak. The usual, a girl, who is absolutely and utterly in love with a guy and things just don't seem to work out. All this started about two years ago. I used to see him around school and thought he was cute, then I joined a new workplace and it was almost like serendipity - he was right there. We met each other, liked each other and started dating. He is of a different religion than I am (which would have brought up a lot of struggles with us and our parents) . He is also older than me. For the longest time, we spoke about having a family and kids and living life together, fighting through whatever problems come our way. His (extended) family had accepted me and absolutely loved what I brought into his life, they had said they had never seen him as happy as he was with me, with anyone else before. Then suddenly fear started to creep through me about him getting away and about him ending up with someone else, I started behaving not so pleasantly and it took him by surprise, and he said didn't feel the same way about me anymore. He thought we were at different places in life and he after seeing how dependent I had become on him, he couldn't do it with me anymore. He never really gave me a reason as to why he left, he didn't give his family one, he didn't give our friends one. I know it sounds really shitty on his part and maybe I am delusional, but I do believe he still loves me. We've never lied to each other, we've always had deep care and love for each other. I broke down, I cried, I lost weight and everything else you do when your heart gets broken, but throughout it all, I ALWAYS knew in my heart that the kid loved me and this isn't it. This wasn't the end of our story.

We still worked together though. It was hard and my heart felt like it was breaking into little tiny pieces. Then I started getting desperate, and tried every trick in the book but none of them worked. The only thing that did was that we started sleeping together again. We've been sleeping together for almost a year, they've been times that he told me he missed me, and he wanted to come home to me, but somehow he never followed his words. I decided to stop sleeping with him because it really wasn't leading to anything (I wouldn't tell him no, but I would keep him on the hook) but he would still message me all the time. He was out of the country for a bit, but he messaged me from there too. This guy, he's emotionally unintelligent. He is also very bounded by his respect for his parents (he can't get himself to go against their wishes) but I also know that he loves me. He doesn't let himself go there though, but I do believe that if he did, he would feel the love he had. So recently, I saw him at work and we ended up sleeping together again after that. We made plans for the next day that night, but he never showed up. I called and texted and he just never showed up - this was very unlike him. I was SO hurt that someone I loved so much would do that to me. I blocked him off everything, changed my shifts at work so that I do not see him, deleted him off everything, but somehow his luck strikes again and he got through to me on one of my devices (Swore I had blocked him off everything though). Next day he messaged me saying he had left his phone somewhere and he knows it looks like he did blow me off but he didn't mean that. I found out that he had also been talking to someone in order to get to know them and see if they'd be fit for marriage, that part hurt like hell.
(A little back story to that, in our culture - Arranged marriage is a big thing, so his parents set him up with someone to talk to and get to know better. She isn't in the country.)

At this point, my heart hurts but there's a tiny tiny tiny bit that hasn't given up. I don't know what it is, but for some reason my heart can't let go because it thinks he is the one. I've always been the kind that wanted a big fat wedding, but every time I look at him, I know that all I want is to sign papers in the court and have a beautiful life with him.

At the beginning, I read the secret, I tried it all. I believed and I was ready to receive but I was never able to let go. Maybe it was because I worked with him and slept with him that I was so attached to the outcome? I prayed, I prayed a lot but it still didn't work out. Maybe this is the end, but maybe its still not (I'm hoping it isn't). I know he loves me, I know he does. But is his love strong enough to creep through his oblivion? 

So,  To be honest, yes I am looking for some help and advice (I don't know what who can give me that I haven't already tried) but most of all I'm looking for your prayers. I've heard that if you really really want something in life, nothing in the universe can stop you from getting it. This is the hardest thing I've ever dealt with in life and maybe its not meant to be, because it might not be good for me but I don't know, it just doesn't seem like it. I believe that if we were not meant to be, he would be out of my life by now, we'd be at different places, maybe he'd be married by now, maybe I'd be over him, maybe we'd have different jobs. So please, I would request you all, to pray for us, maybe someone's prayer might reach god, maybe because of you taking two minutes out of your love to pray for my love, might help us work out. I will be forever grateful.

Thank you for reading my story. Sending lots of love and good luck your way.

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Quick edit: I have my doubts sometimes about him ending up with someone else. The odd moments where I think maybe this is what life is, maybe you don't actually get everything you want in life. But I don't know, something, there is something that tells me that maybe he happiness that my heart sees in him and his heart sees in me, might help our story turn out differently. Maybe we will, despite all odds, end up together.

“I started getting desperate, and tried every trick in the book but none of them worked.”

Because you were doing it to improve your relationship with them instead of improving your relationship with yourself.

“I was SO hurt that someone I loved so much would do that to me.”

Can you see the disadvantage of making him responsible for how you feel?

“I know that all I want is to . . . have a beautiful life with him.”

You can’t have a beautiful life with someone else if you don’t have a beautiful life with yourself.

“I've heard that if you really really want something in life, nothing in the universe can stop you from getting it.”

Yes but you won’t have it for very it long, so it doesn’t really help you.

What are you looking for? Are you wanting to get them and the relationship? Or are you wanting to feel loved?

If you had to pick one, which do you want?

What are you looking for? Are you wanting to get them and the relationship? Or are you wanting to feel loved?

If you had to pick one, which do you want?


I would want him and the relationship we had, and the love we have. I have a lot of love in my life, my parents, my friends etc.

I do see what you mean though, I am not the main character of my own story. I just don't know how to fix that, how do I step away. For the past two years, I have thought about him every single day, almost every hour of every day. I work with him, we have common friends...

You want to pick one. The relationship or feeling the love you had.

Your answer will help you understand how to move on.

The relationship.

Hold my hand and please walk me through this. I've been going over all this in my mind, over and over again for the past 2 years, please help me.

Okay, so you want the relationship and you don't want to feel loved.


I do want to be loved... by him.

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