First let me start off by saying I signed up for this forum 3 years ago and was reading it daily, then things in life happened, such as graduating from University and what not. However, due to recent events, I'm extremely grateful to have found the LOA again and this forum. I am back reading Joseph Murphy's Power of the Sub-conscious mind book and it's reminded me why I should continue to practice this daily as opposed to forgetting about it.
So, the crux of why I am here is simple. I had been self-sabotaging relationships in the past because in my mind I felt as though I am not good enough for people. I genuinely have no idea why, but since moving down to University in 2014, I have had 1 girlfriend cheat on me(which I imagined happening), and several others claim that I am not committed enough which is a fair reason, given I was at University, it came first and foremost.
However, recently I have met the most amazing woman that has entered my life in a long time, this woman is essentially the female version of me personality wise, she is cute, she is funny, she is open and honest, she is everything I want in a woman and more. There is one caveat however, she is 6 weeks out of a long-term relationship and is not ready for me yet. I had two dates with her before she messaged me saying she doesn't think she's over her ex, so I let her go, I told her to get back in touch when she was ready, several days later, she messaged me again saying how she missed me and realised she should just take a chance and go for things with me, so for our third date, I stayed at hers, things happened etc etc. During me staying there that night, her ex was messaging her, questioning who she was with etc, her ex still has belongings of hers and refuses to give them back, making it very awkward for her. That morning then, I walked her to Uni and let her be, knowing I had a good night and so did she. That afternoon, she messages me again saying that her ex told her he's seeing someone new and her heart is breaking, she feels confused. She knows she really likes me, but she doesn't feel ready yet and doesn't feel as though we should continue with what we have right now because it isn't fair of her having feelings like this of her ex. She has told me she thinks this is the reason why she isn't developing stronger feelings for me at the moment. She had asked my opinion on things and I told her that she needs to focus on herself and needs to heal first and foremost. I have told her, I really really like her, she is genuinely an absolutely amazing woman that I can see a future with(she has said the same with me) however, for now, the best thing that I can do is to give her space to let her figure things out. I told her I'll be thinking of her and that she should get in touch with me when feels as though she is ready. She has told me personally that it wouldn't have mattered what guy she had been seeing etc, these feelings would have been the same, so she realises this is what needs to happen in order for her to heal and move on from her ex fella. She has agreed to message me first and foremost when she feels ready and I greatly appreciate that as it shows to me, how much she values and cares for me.
What I'm basically asking is, what should I be doing right now? I am focusing on myself, I am eating healthier, reading books to think more positively, I am saying out affirmations out loud stating that I am in a happy relationship with said woman, I am meditating again which I have not done for about 4 years. In a way, I think this is the Universe testing me about my patience as I have always been an impatient guy. I deep down know that I am destined to be with this girl at some stage as we really are two peas in a pod.
Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated and thank you to anyone who reads this.
If I were in her position I would not rush into a new relationship . Her being upset about her ex dating someone is a clear sign that she needs time to process her thoughts and feelings.
What you are doing now sounds great to me. Does it feel great to you ? Do you feel so good that you forget or may be don’t care that you are waiting for someone?
What I do in such uncertain circumstances is I define what I want and how much wait feels reasonable . In your case: you want to define what kind of relationship you want to have with her ( may be one where she is all yours and has nothing to do with her ex) and how much time is reasonable for this to happen. Would it feel ok to wait for 6 months or a year? Think about it keeping your emotions aside for a little bit. Once you set this time, just completely let go of her till the 6 months are over. This would be a perfect time to find out all that you would love to have in a relationship with your partner (just anybody), how do you want to feel. Then set intentions, focus on them and feel great as you anticipate all those things.
If you find yourself thinking about her, feeling anxious.. it would help if you set general positive expectations for her too. That she feels good in her life, career, relationships etc . Imagine her being really happy and fulfilled in life. Send her good thoughts .
Thank you so much Infinity for your amazing reply.
What I'm doing right now feels really good, I'm focusing on myself for the first time in years which was sorely needed to give me a kick up the ass I deserved. I genuinely know she'll be mine when she's ready, I am 100% sure of that, however, right now, I am content and fine waiting for someone, it will happen when it is ready to happen.
That is exactly what I want, I want her to be COMPLETELY over her ex and fully invested in me, as of this moment, I am going to go on about my life and improve upon where I want to. I have been doing Emile Coue's affirmations for 5 minutes per morning, lunch and nighttime and am noticing positive results already. I want her, I cannot tell you just how similar we are, the connection, the spark, the attraction is something I have never felt that quickly with anyone before in my life. In my head, I have not set a waiting period, as I am going to go on about things normally, for me, personally, it's a matter of when, not if.
I have told her personally, I cannot fault her for not wanting to rush into a new relationship, I actually applaud her and this makes it even better for me knowing that someone is that willing to be open and honest and upfront with me after 2 weeks of dating. I have been attempting to send her positive thoughts, any time I think of her I smile and just visualise her and I together.
All that really sounds perfect and exciting to me :)
Thank you so much Infinity :)
So, a few things have happened since Friday.
On Saturday at work, this same woman came into my work place(knowing I was working) and chatted to me, she couldn't stop smiling and keeping her eyes off of me. We had a brief chat and then she wandered off to do the rest of her shopping.
However, on Saturday night, I was sound asleep until 2:30am when my dog woke me up, it was the same girl, appearing randomly drunk at my flat door. I invited her in and a few things happened(not sex though), and she left my flat once I left for work that day.
Fast forward until today, and again, she has said she is not ready for me, so I have told her I'm going no contact with her and only want her messaging me when she is fully over her relationship, happy being single and happy within herself as this rollercoaster of decisions just isn't working for me at all and I deserve better.