It doesn’t sound silly at all, and please be caring and gentle with yourself during this time. It’s a period of transition. Now I used to have a teacher who constantly said that “hope” was a barrier to getting what we desired, and your post reminded me of him, because he said we were so into our ideas of how things should turn out that we often blocked the universe from gifting to us on a repeated basis, and that when we gave up hope and the investment in the outcome, often things turned out better than we could have ever imagined. Originally I thought he was crazy – but I’ve since come to learn and see the truth in his understanding and teachings.
Now with your past, often times we look through rose tinted glasses. You have already identified some areas you can work with and improve. That already shows you are on the path to changing for the better believe it or not. Questioning isn’t bad, and its actually a really good thing to do. In fact I’ve learned to question everything and my life has gotten better and better and this continues to this day. Questions are a pathway to awareness, and of course people often say they want that (or consciousness) but its not always the case. The gift though of awareness is that once you have it, you can change things with it.
Now you say your lover broke up with you because you were becoming so negative – well that’s sad, but what if that lover was the precursor to the most amazing soul mate ever showing up in your life. What if this was a hurdle you had to go through to gain the teachings and now you know about being negative and how it drives people away you realise you have other choices that perhaps you didn’t previously have?
Now with betrayal, often times when we are betrayed by others we are most upset with ourselves for not seeing it. Usually if we dig a little deeper we find that we had an awareness of things and I know its easier in hindsight to identify, but again I’m sharing this to give you some peace of mind. Now with your mother – as long as she is alive (actually even if she was dead) you can always make up. Sometimes its about seeking time away and then rekindling things. Your mother will always be your mother, as you are her daughter and will always be. Now with your licence exam, I bet you are now motivated to work hard and pass it right? So what if again that was an experience you needed to motivate you to really get passed that test? Have you affirmed and are you visualising passing that exam and what life will be like after it?
Rather than trying to overcome these feelings why not instead use them to your advantage and create the life you really desire by getting clear on what you desire, what steps need to be taken, affirming your progress and celebrating when changes show up and MOST IMPORTANTLY have FUN whilst doing it all because it is definitely possible.
You can get your old life and................SO MUCH MORE. i think we all have lost our past life then we have started this incredible journey where we have realized we create our own reality. by practicing good feeling thoughts you will shift to your perfect reality where all your dreams will come true.
All the best****
I used to think I had to seek out whatever it was that gave my life meaning, or a sense of purpose. If I had enough experiences, read enough books, or took enough classes, my purpose would reveal itself, and I'd know what to do.
But that's not how it works.
Your purpose is what you decide it is. It's your choice; it's entirely up to you. And it can (and does) change across time.
Right now, you seem to be wrestling with so many different aspects of your life, and it's counterproductive. Your energy is just too scattered. You're also beating yourself up for what you believe are mistakes in your past, and longing to return to a previous state of being--but you can't move forward when you keep looking back, focusing on what's behind you.
So my advice is to pick one thing you would like to change, put all of your focus on that, and just drop everything else for now. Successfully passing your licensing exam seems like the best option, as it would help initiate other positive changes (launching your career, perhaps making more money, giving you a clearer, more stable career path). You'll feel really good about yourself and your potential future, and that will have a profound effect on everything else.
And while you do that, stop thinking about what you lost in the past, and focus instead upon what you want your future to look like, and who you want to be in that future. How do you want to feel about yourself, about others, about your life in general? Now, is there any way you can start to feel some of those positive feelings right now, where you are? You don't have to feel absolutely, radiantly positive--you just need to feel better. When you catch yourself feeling down, or in turmoil, stop and consciously find something to feel better about.
One really good way to do that is to look at the things in your life that are working right now, that are good. You have a job that isn't the one you really want, but is it good enough for now? Does it pay the bills? Do you like your co-workers? Be happy with those aspects of it you can be happy with, and focus on those. And you can do this with everything in your life--you can choose to focus on how good a cup of coffee is, or the interesting things you see on the street, or how nice it feels to take a shower, or get into bed and relax at the end of a long day. Just keep turning your attention toward things that are lovely, that work, that give you pleasure, without any regard for how "big" or "small" they seem. Make it a habit.
I appreciate how you demystified this whole ‘purpose’ thing.
After reading numerous articles and watching YouTube videos on ‘how to find your purpose’ I got even farther from the truth. It’s made into this esoteric abstract concept that made me feel so lost!
Purpose is simply a plan , the way you really want to live your life assuming anything was possible.
And the over emphasis on serving people was what confused me the most. While connecting with the society and serving them is a wonderful thing to do,some people ( like me) cannot base their life purpose on serving others. My life purpose is to do what excites and fulfills me .
I wish someone writes a detailed post on this .
I understand what you are going through . It is a great thing that you are aware that things need to change and you are already trying to take charge of your life . You have already come a long way. Even though you may not see the evidence in real life, you know that you deserve everything and everything is possible. Isn’t this awesome??
Congratulate yourself !
Now about the action part, it is a process. Don’t pressurize yourself into getting immediate results. You mentioned life was great before , so you know what made you happy and what happiness felt like. That’s great! Do you remember what you thought about most, believed, acted like back then? Simply do that! Your mind already has first hand evidence that it works, it will be much easier.
About the last line,regarding finding your purpose: ask yourself what you really want at the moment? What is your priority?
if you are feeling anxious about the outcome of any current problem then may be focus on solving it first. When your mind is constantly confronted by problems , finding your purpose may not be its priority. If a starving person is served a slice of pizza, at that moment he won’t be desperate to switch to a healthier diet. You see my point? I am not suggesting you ignore your search but may be do it when you are in a better feeling place Abraham says you must first get to a neutral place first. The transition is much easier!
Wish you all the best in your transformation journey!
You are very very welcome :)) And yes, all we need to do are small steps, d Universe will do the huge ones for us :D Life may be truly wonderful*