I have written so much about transitioning over the years. I have had this beautiful view of what it is and how un scary it is and natural and it was all so believable in my mind and in my heart. Like I know this is natural and beautiful and nothing to fear and yet now that it is happening i am reminded of how final death is. I am scared to death of the moment I realize he has gone. My best friend, my husband for 30 years, the father of our beautiful children. Its unbearable. I apologize for all the cheery inspiring BS i ever posted here lol.
No i dont mean that. I just feel so powerless and so afraid that i wont be the pillar of strength my kids need me to be. I am terrified of not finding the words. I need to get back to a place of feeling positive and accepting his transition guys. I am running on fear right now. I could really use a hug and some reassurance.
Most of all im afraid for Mike. That he will feel alone in his journey or unloved or any discomfort at all. I want to save him still from his pain. He deserves peace. Thank you everyone for being here for us.
My sweet friend, I'm sending you so so so much love and strength. We are all here for you. Xxx I don't have any words of wisdom but I do have love and a shoulder to lean on xx
You know, this is so odd .... this "medium" we call "the web". It's rather archaic really, no different than sending a message in a bottle and dropping it in the sea. Like writing hand written letters on paper too. Come to think of it .... it's really no different even face to face....as "close" is never ever close enough ...... for in Love ..... I'm talking real and true LOVE here , the only LOVE there is ...... LOVE ITSELF ..... LOVE's Indivisibility .... LOVE 's Wholeness/Allness, One and All . LOVE LOVE's none-other-than LOVE'S OWN/ONLY "SELF" .... LOVE. LOVE's face ..... is the very LOVE .... LOVE faces .
LOVE Is The Only EXISTENCE
LOVE SEES LOVE
LOVE HEARS LOVE
LOVE IDENTIFIES LOVE
LOVE KNOWS LOVE
FOR LOVE IS LOVE
LOVE IS SELF
SELF IS LOVE
( ( ( ( ( S M I L E ) ) ) ) )
FP I know today/yesterday (global time) was the service to celebrate Mike. I hope it was all you wanted, needed and hoped for it to be.
Hopefully right now you are wrapped up in the love and support of your family, each propping each other up in some way but I just wanted to send you love and let you know your wider community is also embracing you.
My experience with grief is that it is the most physical of emotions. It sits upon you, like a physical weight or pressure whether you give it your attention or not. So be kind and gentle with yourself. Especially after a period of physical exhaustion that can accompany palliative care giving. Remember, there is no right or wrong in how you grieve. It is all allowed. There is no more appropriate emotion you SHOULD be having. Offer no resistance to your feelings. Remember, you do not need to go through your life placing happy stickers on things to cover up your fuel gauge.
But know this.
You will keep finding your way forward. On days where you may feel like you're drowning, you will break through the surface and breathe deeply again. You will feel the sun upon your face and know that feeling within your very being that everything is ok.
There is much love for you here and especially amongst the old PI'ers, even if they no longer visit much. And some of them are already on the other side of the energetic barrier, no doubt sending their love and messages of how good the view is from there. Awesome will of course be leading the back.
Sending so much love to you and yours.
Oh FP I'm so glad to hear that you too have found peace with Mike's passing and were able to release him and celebrate him in such a loving way. I'm sure it was no coincidence that he transitioned when you were ready for him to.
It's been an incredible journey the two of you have been on, and as difficult as it has been, it seems like there have been plenty of incredible gifts to cherish along the way.
I'm so looking forward to hearing all about your new story. It's going to be incredible!
So happy for your positive feelings & your attitude!! You're showing an incredible wisdom & strength!!
If some bad moments come (i hope not) accept them, a perfect process as you know is to allow yourself to feel everything you need to feel. True joy is waiting for you!!
Sending you lots of love dear.