Just giving you guys the heads up that this may be a long post. I have been feeling pretty down for the last few months. Reason for this as that I am just not happy with myself and where my life is at. I am a male aged 33. I need help in correcting and reconfiguring my mindset. I think I have major confidence and self-esteem issues which are holding me back from living the life I want to live.
As I said I have been feeling this way for a while now. I need to put down and identify the thoughts I have been having. I need to adjust these thoughts and improve the way I feel to move my life forward.
I have sat today with a pen and paper and wrote down in notes everything which pops into my head regarding how I feel about my life and what I think my problems are. My thinking behind this is that it would be more beneficial and flow better compared to typing away frantically, with no organisation to my writing.
I am thankful that I took the time to do this as it has shown myself that the two main issues which are causing me to feel down, anxious and frustrated are inextricably linked. The two main issue subjects are personal finances and romantic relationships. A pretty common set of problematic subjects I would imagine.
I am feeling really frustrated, angry and upset at myself because I do not feel that my life has moved forward in the last seven years. My life feels like a repeating loop which I cannot get out of. The way I am feeling and the situation I am in right now is literally a carbon copy of the one I was in seven years ago. During this seven year period I feel as if my life has been a constant struggle financially, I feel as I have wasted the best years of my life being isolated and constantly feeling worried and down due to my inability to correct my financial situation and have money behind me to live life on my terms.
To cut a long story short my financial situation is the biggest headache of my life. I can’t seem to be financially comfortable and able to get any money behind me. I have been self-employed for the last decade and living pay check to pay check with not one cent saved in the bank. A lot of times over the last seven years I have found myself isolated sitting at home most weekends whilst my friends were out enjoying themselves and getting into relationships. I felt I had to isolate myself to make my bill payments.
Over the last three years my employment has been erratic. I have been in and out of jobs, I have went months sometimes without earning any money. I have tried to set up once on my own and I ran up lots of debts when the business failed. I am now having to make myself bankrupt due to my failed business ventures. The industry which I am qualified to be employed in requires its workers to have a clean credit rating so the only way I can work in this industry is if I have my own business.
I have recently went out on my own and set up a new business with a friend in the same industry. I feel like this is my last chance in this industry to make things work. I have not paid my mortgage for ten months. To stop me losing my home I have recently came to a payment plan with my lender. If I break this payment plan I will lose my home. I have also been missing payments with my car and they are threating termination of the least agreement. I do not have any family to help and I already owe my friends money. If this business doesn’t start earning money soon I will literally be homeless out on the streets.
The thought of the business failing is terrifying me. I am constantly anxious and paranoid. I keep imagining the leads stopping or people pulling the plug on us. It is affecting me badly and messing up my concentration levels.
Not having any money behind me for the best part of seven years has really messed up my self- esteem and confidence. I have not had a girlfriend in this time also. Probably due to the fact that I feel I do not have anything to offer a girl as most of the time I am struggling and have no money to go out on nice dates etc. I have been dating a few girls over the years who I have liked and have wanted to take things further with and commit to a relationship with but they have all left me in one way or another. I can’t seem to get past the three month stage with a girl before they cut me off. These girls have always shown a high interest in me to begin with and have pursued me but I guess my lack of self-esteem and lack of confidence in myself will always shine through no matter how much I try and hide it.
I need to change. I can’t still be repeating this life loop in another seven years. I need to sort out my financial situation, get some money behind me and start living a comfortable life. I am so sick of being broke and living pay check to pay check. I am sick of feeling inferior to other people my age, I am sick of not being able to bring my friends or girls back to my apartment because it badly needs decorated and I do not have the money to change it, I am sick of having to scrimp every penny I have or borrow from my friends to pay bills.
I thing when I get my financial situation under control that will give me the confidence and improved self-esteem to then go after the girls I like. Right now I don’t even attempt to talk to a girl as I do not feel I have anything to offer and I will be wasting both our times.
I have read that being broke is a mindset. I badly need to change this mindset and move forward out this horrible loop I have been living for the last seven years. Another problem I have is that I give up on things if they are not having an immediate positive impact. I have tried gratitude journals, mediation, affirmations etc and after a few days when they have not worked I think what’s the point and kick it to the curb.
I am ready to change my life. I cannot go on like this. This is not enjoyable. I am not looking for sympathy and pity. I know I have created this life for myself and I am not blaming anyone apart from myself for it. How can I get out of this loop and improve my life?
“I think I have major confidence issues . . .”
You do have confidence. You are very confident you don’t have confidence.
“I am feeling really frustrated, angry and upset at myself because . . .”
Because you believe it is more beneficial to be mean to yourself than nice to yourself. You believe there is much to be gained by judging yourself instead of accepting and appreciating yourself.
“I can’t still be repeating this life loop in another seven years.”
As long as you judge yourself you will. When you make peace where you are and make nothing more important than that you feel better and feel good, you allow the improvement you want.
How can I make peace with where I am when I am about to get my home repossessed and be out on the street? How can I make peace with where I am when I feel like such a failure and a loser?
How can I make peace with myself when I repel women who pursue me and like me withing the space of a couple of months once they get to know me?
When there is so much momentum your path of least resistance is to meditate. You’re focused more on right here, right now solutions instead of relief. Relief will bring the solutions and not the other way around. Meditation is a helpful path for relief. Once your vibration has raised it is easier to see things from a clearer, calmer, more empowering perspective.
I have been meditating for the last week. To be honest I don't feel it doing anything for me. I am constantly feeling a knot in the pit of my stomach about when some money is going to show up for me to allow me to pay some bills and get creditors off my back for another month. Nothing is taking away that horrible feeling.
You're in a rut, and you yourself can't sort it. If you knew exactly what to do you would have done it, but you don't, and you have just kept going round and round in circles. Things aren't flowing and they aren't getting better for you. But you know this, so what do you do? My suggestion is to ASK THE UNIVERSE TO HELP YOU.
It knows the best way to help you and how to get you going forwards in life. It it INFINITELY BIGGER THAN YOUR DEBTS, LOW SELF-ESTEEM, POOR CREDIT RATING AND CIRCUMSTANCES and it knows how to solve things like these too. It is FULLY WILLING AND ABLE TO HELP YOU OUT IN ALL OF THIS, and help you co-create the most wonderful life, but yet can't impinge upon your free will. You have to GIVE IT PERMISSION TO COME INTO YOUR LIFE AND ACT ON YOUR BEHALF. When you do this, it enters your life and begins clearing things up.
Write it a letter in which you explain your circumstances, and give it permission to come into your life and help you out with everything. Then burn the letter and work on your alignment. Affirm many times a day: THE UNIVERSE IS REALLY HELPING ME. (Or whatever you like to call it). Keep up this affirmation until it becomes a fully-registered belief, and you will turn your life around. Within a matter of days, you will start to see small signs about things improving, and then things will start to gain momentum.
The Universe wants you to be happy and live a life of purpose, and although you aren't at the moment, you soon could be. So start now; give the Universe permission to enter your life and help you, and then believe that it is doing so. Reality will soon catch up.
My dear you have suffered too much, now it's your moment to start enjoying life, you deserve it just too much***** The more you deeply truly relax the more you will allow all your desires to come to you. And be open with women, we're not bitches who are looking for a man with a job, we're human beings who need love exactly like you. i consider the richest person i know a homeless guy in my city cause he spreads love and happiness wherever it is. society is already cruel, let's not be cruel with each other.
The Brightest Blessings to you & some quotes:
p.s. sorry i obviously meant "wherever he is."
Two things that came to my attention while reading your text:
1st- you are perfectly capable of assessing your situation, you sat down and wrote your thoughts and spotted the resistance right on, which shows me you are a smart person, able to self analyse. Trust me, most people aren't able to do that. The thing is, that one is a power that can be used for "good and evil". Don't let your mind trap you. Even though you seem knowledgeable to know all the factors, you are not. No one is. Life can surprise you sometimes. And for the record, depending on how you face it, it could be a good thing.
2nd- I feel like you have decided the end of your story already. You have decided this is absolutely your last shot at success, and if you dont succeed, you'll end up homeless. Let's be clear, this is obviously something you decided for yourself. Nothing in between, no compromise, it's either this or poverty. BUT THERE IS PLENTY IN THE MIDDLE. Not succeeding at this job doesn't mean you'll end up homeless, it just means you didnt succeed. At this inparticular. There's plenty to happen before the worst happens. I'm not saying this because I dont think you can make it, but you need to release some of the pressure. The pressure will cause you to trip.
The reason most people fail at manifesting is because they insist on a precise outcome. I call that micromanaging. Most times the universe needs to make a few twists and turns to get you at the precise moment of having it, with you being able to recognize it and grab it. Maybe a change of career, a change of location, or exactly how you want it to be. Either way it will be awesome. So don't fret about the hows and whys. Live it day by day and be open to EVERY POSSIBILITY. Even when things seems to go wrong. The universe often brings perfection through imperfection.
My ultimate advice is: do the best you can everyday with joy in your heart. Abandon all judgement of how things may be or how they are supposed to be. That is the ultimate manifesting secret. Embrace life and it will return the love.