Back in late November, my ex girlfriend split up with me due to her general unhappiness in life. She suffers from severe anxiety/depression. To make a long story short, for two weeks after she broke up with me I severely begged and pleaded, and due to the depression medication that I was on myself at the time, I ended up making a comment of self harm to her. It has never been like me to have self harm thoughts in my head. After I made this comment, she reached out to a family member to come check on me but wouldn't reply to me directly. I severely pushed her away with my aggressive begging and pleading/self harm comment. I have since been placed on different depression medication because clearly the old medication was not causing me to act rationally. Since the day of the self harm comment (Dec 8), she blocked my number. A month later, she removed photos on facebook of us, and blocked me on facebook after I tried wishing her a happy birthday. I have no way of contacting her at this time, and will not go out of my way to reach her through other means of communication. She clearly wants nothing to do with me. The last conversation I had with her, she kept insisting that there was "zero chance" of us getting back together. She told this to me as well as friends that inquired about our situation when they heard we broke up.
That being said, I stumbled upon the law of attraction recently and have never practiced it before. I am hoping that by doing this, I can manifest lost love back into my life on her own free will considering our relationship as a whole was amazing. She told me how grateful she was to have me in her life every day and how amazing I have been to her. Even right after the breakup before things got toxic on my end she told me I have amazing qualities in a guy, and she doesnt want it to end but she needs to focus on herself and her own happiness right now. This was all before I backed her into a corner with my begging and pleading and before she told me there was zero chance.
I do firmly believe that she took her insecurities from her past relationship which was extremely toxic and unhealthy (alcoholic ex bf) and brought them into our healthy relationship. This in turn caused her to think that a relationship as healthy as ours was too good to be true causing her to run.
My questions to all of you are as follows:
Is it normal to have doubts in the LoA initially? If so, how did you get rid of those doubts?
Have any of you manifested your ex back into your life in what seemed to be a hopeless situation?
When practicing the LoA is it normal to feel depressed while trying to have a positive mindset?
How did you cope with the fact that you may never get that person back?
How did you take the steps to 'letting them go'?
What was your daily routine for manifesting them back into your life?
Like I said guys, I am not on here to attempt manifest her back against her will, even though from my understanding you cannot do that anyways. I am here with the right intentions and want things to come naturally. Especially considering the relationship was a great and healthy one as a whole before the breakup.
Any advice would be appreciated!
Oh, life itself will change. Circumstances will change. It won't be the 'same', if you're not.
Well for one, I too suffer from anxiety/depression, so I can completely relate to what she is feeling. Though I deal with depression quite differently than she does. However, I do not hold her way of dealing with it against her. Sometimes a relationship is just too much for someone to handle when they are trying to find themselves and get better. So I can understand it, though its not my style of doing things.
As for the self harm comment. I do have guilt over making that statement to her, however, I can say that is honestly not the reason I want to get back together with her considering I enjoyed being with her as a whole. She was literally the first person that I ever connected with that intensely in a relationship. Her qualities were absolutely amazing regardless of things like her depression. I truely imagined every single day during the relationship spending the rest of my life with her. I would go into more details, but just trust me on how amazing of a person she has been for me. She brought out a side of me that I didnt even know I was capable of being without me having to try.
The relationship actually was an extremely happy one. I just didnt really include all the details in my original post considering I was trying to get to the point more than focus on those details in general. It was only after she broke up with me that it was not a happy time for obvious reasons.
Literally all of those things in your last paragraph she did for me. Thats a fact. It wasn't until her depression got bad the last month of the relationship that those things started to slightly fade away. I know in my heart that those feelings/actions could come back with her if she gave it a chance though. She just needs to learn how to manage her depression.
That being said, there is no doubt in my mind that this is the right girl for me. I know we made a great team. We did everything you said (i.e. great in depth communication, lots of laughing and smiles, supporting each other, etc.)
Given the opportunity again, I feel as though we understand each other completely given our similarities and would help each other during tough and dark times with our depression.
So you do not believe that by her blocking me on every platform of communication and stating that she doesnt want the relationship and that there is zero chance means its forever with her? That is literally what makes me a nervous wreck. Its hard not to want to take those things at face value. There were a lot of things she said that were really bothersome and said in absolutes. One of the other things she said before she blocked me was that she felt as though we could both find somebody more capable of suiting each others needs. Where she got that idea from, I dont know considering we were nothing less than compatible overall and she even agreed with that.
Honestly, if she wouldn't have said half of these things, I do not believe I would be the anxious mess that I am now.
This truly important video by Louise Hay can really help:
Thanks for all your responses guys. I am slowly realizing that the reason I am having such a hard time detaching has a lot to do with me knowing she is suffering from severe depression. I don't like anyone I love to have any kind of pain inside of them. The reason I can't seem to let go is not only because I dont want a great relationship to end, but because I cannot do anything to help her feel better. I cannot emphasize enough on how much I would love to be able to take the sadness out of her heart, and put it inside me to deal with so she wouldn't have to suffer anymore, even if that meant I would have to suffer myself. Since I cannot do that, I decided I am going to ask and thank the universe for relieving her suffering so she can be happy herself. Depression is a real thing and I know this first hand. All I want is for her to be happy in life whether it is with me or not. I can only hope that in time she and I can have the future we had originally planned, but as long as I know shes happy regardless I can make my peace with that.