There is something that I now realize is holding me back. First of all, the Universe has really been amazing this month, manifesting for me. It is frustrating to be so close to having everything I want, because it just cannot be a coincidence that these things are happening. I know the LOA is real! But I still don't seem to be able to get an apartment with amenities I want and new furniture. Some things have been coming up from the past, and I realize there is a part of me that doesn't feel like I deserve the things I want the most because of guilt. I have tried to get over it but I'm not sure if I deserve to get past this suffering. There was a time I had pets and I lived in really miserable living conditions which affected my cats quality of life. There was one apartment by a door that made loud snapping sounds when it opened and closed, you could hear it all the way down the hall, it was a security door right by the entrance where my apartment was. It had a lock it would catch on when it slid open and closed. There was a group of sadistic bullies that would walk back and forth through the door over and over. I thought I was going to lose my mind. It was literally torture. It was fun for them. They knew I had cats. I begged them to stop and they'd just do it more. One of my cats died and I know it was the stress. The other one was so traumatized he was never the same. It went on practically 24 hours a day. They took turns. It was public housing, and they had nothing better to do. That was ten years ago. It went on for over a year. I want to have enough money to open up a cat shelter at some point. I know that I can't change the past and it's not doing my cats who are gone any good for me to wallow in guilt. It's not going to bring them back or undo what they went through. I should concentrate on positive action, helping cats NOW. But the problem is it was my fault what happened. I was a very negative person and I attracted those circumstances. I was responsible for taking care of them and I let them down. How do I get past this? Do I deserve to get past this?
The only reason anyone does anything is because it feels better than doing something else.
So what you’re saying is, it feels better for you to be harder on yourself than to be easier on yourself.
You’re saying that it feels better to be mean to yourself than to be nicer to yourself.
You’re saying that it feels better to treat yourself like trash than to treat yourself like treasure.
Is that what you’re saying?
When you put it that way it does seem strange to keep holding on to this mindset.
Dear Brianna, sure you deserve to get past this! You deserve all the best things in life! Those insane bullies were to blame, not you! You had positive intentions! And now you have Powerful ones! :D
Sending you positive vibes!! Keep rocking!!
The thing is, Stefania, I didn't actually take the "high road". A lot of those people died within a few years after I moved out of there, and when I read their obituaries in the paper, I felt satisfaction. I thought, "They got what they deserved." I think they actually hurt themselves harassing me, because the whole thing spiraled out of control. It was like a mob mentality. There were a lot of people who lived in that building, and it became in a way the thing to do, like the cool activity, to torment me. They would gather on the public porch, right in front of my bedroom window, and in the community room, right across the hall. I think the location of my apartment had a lot to do with it, plus one of the tenants mistakenly thought I was related to a family in a different town that her sister had problems with. She started the whole thing, and then when she realized I wasn't the person she thought I was, that I just had a similar name, she tried to straighten it out but by then it had taken on a life of its own. A large portion of that group had physical problems and were on disability, which is why they were living in public housing to begin with, and they wore themselves out. They had to listen to that snapping too, when they were hanging out on the porch taking turns walking or wheeling back and forth through the door. It had to be stressing out their systems, even though they were laughing about it. There was one guy whose house was struck by lightning a few years later. He wasn't one of the tenants, he was one of the officials who let them get away with it. But his puppy was killed in the fire, according to the paper, so I couldn't be happy about it like I otherwise would have been. So, I am no saint. Some people would say we're supposed to love everyone. I saw a post you had in another discussion about how we should put ourselves in someone else's shoes and understanding others, and I realize those people had to be miserable and unhappy with their own lives to act that way, but I just cannot feel compassion and understanding. I don't get filled with hate towards them like I used to, and I actually don't think much about them anymore, now I mostly feel guilt about my role in not getting my cats out of there. But when I do think about them, I am glad that they didn't get away with it. They damaged themselves too. So I didn't take the "high road" after all.
I do appreciate the fact that you're trying to make me feel better about this! I don't want you to think I'm not grateful. You're obviously a caring person. But I don't know if there is any way to turn this into a positive. I might just be stuck with it.
Brianna, you are not meant to be stuck with it! You're meant to live a prosperous life, to be happy, to thrive! That's why you're here!!!! I do appreciate so much Roses' and Brian's replies, there's so much wisdom in them. They told you you are pure love and you should watch yourself as Source/the Universe/God sees you! If you were angry about those bastards it's because they were not connected to love, so you were right to feel that way, even to wish to them the worst things! Do not worry, your thoughts can not create their reality, they died, they suffered because that was d path they chose! Now it's finally your time to shine and if you still feel anger, frustration, guilt, sadness just work on your vibrations and you will reach who you truly are - that is love, happiness, positivity and joy - and what you really want!
Much love**** Here are some quotes for you - d first pic is about d scale of our emotions, you can only go up! :) :
These help. A lot!
Is there a website where you find these? I'd like to get a full-size poster of the purple one,
"The truth is the Universe will always take care of you."
i took that quote from here:
You say that the people who gave me a hard time were "not connected to love". This is something I have wondered about for a long time. What is the story with sociopaths? I'm not talking about people who are having a bad day and are impulsively nasty to someone and then feel bad about it. I mean people who really have no compassion, no empathy, no conscience, no remorse. They don't make up a large percentage of the population, but they do tend to get themselves into positions of power over other people and often manage to come across as pillars of society. They enjoy inflicting pain and misery on others. But what are they? Are they a different spiritual species than other people? Or are they the same as other humans but for some reason they are cut off from "love"? Would they not be sociopaths when they are reincarnated? This is where I get stuck when it comes to "we are all one" and "love your neighbor as yourself". Is it o.k. to leave out sociopaths? I probably shouldn't spend so much time thinking about them because I don't want to draw any more of them to me, but they just baffle me. And I don't understand why so many people either can't see what they really are or don't care, they just admire them for their power or money or confidence.
CANCEL THAT POST! I wish I knew how to delete it. The problem is that the people I had problems with in public housing were just a continuation of my life's pattern, it wasn't an isolated event in that sense. The reason this particular incident had such a lasting effect is because my cats were involved. But after reading that post again I just realized how fruitless it is to continue even thinking about people like them. And why would I want to? It's just upsetting. It's a waste of time. The past is over with and they are irrelevant to my future. I don't want to spend another second thinking about them. I am going to focus on positive uplifting thoughts and events!
Love , seeing yourself as Love sees you . Being yourself as Love be you . The eyes(and I's) of Love are your eyes, and your eyes( I ) are Loves . Love and I are One .
All that ever was, cannot be found , for Love is here and now, where there is no past, no future, just pure Love , pure Being.
I'm just not "there" yet, Roses. Working on it though.