I'm 19 years old. I don't know why I just told you people that.
I've been trying for 3-4 years years to attract my soulmate/girlfriend into my being. I was never ready like I was now. I feel like God/Universe is working against me instead of with me, like when I apply the Attraction's Law, the Universe won't co-operate. I've had plans for the both of us. We were going to go to Six Flags in the summer, go to the beach. I couldn't tell you all the plans I had for us together.
I've been Googling around... on the internet on my phone for ways to attract my soulmate via the Attraction's Law. All the ways I saw... I've done pretty much EVERY STEP! I did a list of how I want her to be like... I've visualized and felt... I AM my list... I've done rituals. I put my list away. I pretty much done all I could. Nothing.
My aunt and I have a good connection. We get along quite well. At one point I would call her and talk to her about my dreams of becoming an actor, and successfully attracting my laptop. Around now, our coversations are more centered around meeting my soulmate girlfriend. She keeps telling me to work on me. I agree with her advice as I even made up a list titled "My Perfect Me" with all the physical, personal, and other traits I would like to have. It dawned on me that... I want to be my Perfect Me before I meet my soulmate.
I just want to let it go. I told myself and God that I would let it go when I hid my Girlfriend List somewhere in my bedroom and after I put it away. I don't want to touch it or go back and get it until I do meet her. It's away. My list is away. Now, I want to get on with my life... focusing on my other dreams.
I keep feeling vexed... because I have not yet found her. These emotions are dominating my life. Or at least, that's what I feel like. When I do feel the emotions, I resort to meditating to use the EFT techniques and then that's when the negative feelings go away and haunt me later. Even if I apply the engery-tapping EFT (emotional freedom techniques) during my meditations when I really do feel the emotions, the negative emotions come back like... the NEXT. DAY! And I am sick. Of. IT!
I just want to move on with my life. I am tired of this mess. I've done all I could. I'm loosing my trust in God/The Universe. I'm just fed up with this. I mean- there are times when I sucessfully applied the Attraction's Law... but for the Laptop, a certain DVD, and the girlfriend... this is too much.
I keep praying to the Gods that I would be ready and remain ready on all levels to meet my soulmate... but these emotions keep coming back to haunt the h*ll out of me.
I want to enjoy my own company, without her. I want to feel complete with myself without her. I want to have all I need to be ready to meet her. I asked God to give me what I need but it's like She's/He's ignoring me, as I get these negative emotions. I don't know if the ignoring part is really the case. I just wanna be my Perfect Me and get rid of these negative emotions as they stand DEAD IN THE WAY of meeting my one true love.
Don't get me wrong. I know I don't need a soulmate/girlfriend to live out God's plan or purpose. I agreed with whoever posted on this one website that... we don't need a soulmate relationship to have a happy, joyous life, and that the soulmate was just the icing of the cake. But I truly want this. God knows that but it's like He/She keeps playing these games with me.
The other thing was, I after my girlfriend and I met, I was going to do a book about my long journey to meet her. I'm an author/actor. Writing is what I do. I of corse don't want to meet my girlfriend so I can write the book! I just wanted to write the book so I can inspire others to follow their dreams to find true love.
Also, it just disgusts me that... I'm also in the process of manifesting a Dell laptop, another thing that I've tried manifesting for years. It's in the unseen. I've tried putting positive feelings out there. I would visualize it every day... really trying to make the scene feel real. But it stays in the unseen. With my laptop still in the unseen, I don't know if or when I will get to come back to the site. I had to use a library public computer to post this. Please help me. I think I'm going to go insane not too long from now because here I am... grabbing my head and holding my hair. This is just how frustrated I am with this.
Thanks for any help you can provide as well as taking your time out to read this lengthy post!