First off I hate to label this as a "I want my ex back post" because I don't feel like I quite lost him yet.
Let me explain,
My name is John and from January 2017 to January 2019 I was seeing a guy named Dave. We compliment each other perfectly, and we are so good together. He is an amazing guy!
The time we would spend together was always great to me.
In January 2019 he suddenly broke it off. He was claiming because of certain mistakes I had made but I have come to discover that he exaggerated those mistakes in his mind and blew them out of proportion.
He did so for a reason.
Something happened to him before me, something that hurt him so bad, that he is terrified to confront it.
His biggest mistake, he runs from his problems.
Being our relationship was getting to a spot where he would either have to face this terrible thing or leave me, he chose to leave me.
SInce then he's used the mistakes I mentioned as means to project all of his problems onto me, make me his scapegoat, use his friends as an echo chamber because none of them even knew I existed yet alone know anything about me, and he is using the gym and getting back in shape as a way to get his happy fix like a drug user would pot or cocaine. All to help him pretend that everything is ok, when its not.
This problem of his is rooted in relationships, and because of it he's not able to perceive them properly.
In our relationship he had many obsessive compulsive rules I had to follow so he knew where I was at all times, what I was doing and with who. Because I couldn't meet those standards I was accused of not talking to him and of trying to control when he heard about stuff.
Even if we had gotten to see a therapist would say I didn't have to give him a daily play by play run of my day especially since many of them are very much the same.
And I was attempting to put him first and be sensitive to him not control when he heard stuff.
Those are just some of the symptoms.
He's becoming paranoid of people and not able to trust them, first it was me the new personal relationship, according to people who live around him, he only makes Acquaintance level friends and stays on small talk topics.
He still sees his old friends but I have no idea what he has or hasn't told them, I've talked to 1 who found this shocking but had to agree that my grounding behind it was solid.
So he is becoming more and more paranoid.
If he doesn't turn around soon, it will affect his professional life and could get him fired, being fired at 50 is tough to bounce back from.
So to me I see getting back with me as his only way to heal himself because I have the patience to help him through it and if he starts at the innermost circle and learns to trust me for real this time, then I can help him to stop being paranoid of others.
I don't want him to self destruct. Or get fired, Or have the gym not be enough so he does turn to a drug or something bad.
And I know he still loves me because everytime I have pleaded with him to let us try to work us out so we can heal him.
Yeah I get the "we're done forever" responses from him and that he and I can't talk right now (of course we can't cause I'm his scapegoat if he starts talking to me his whole construct to pretend everything is ok will collapse)
But when I then put him to the wall and ask is he sure we're done forever, I get indecisiveness.
In the one instance he said "not right now", another " a very long time".
SO whatever this thing is in his way that he needs to heal from is the only thing keeping us apart
So where do I start with this?
Do I start by manifesting our relationship back together? Do I try to manifest in him a calming of the problem or healing so he can come back to me?
How do I tackle this? From what angle or angles?
Can I get some help here with this anyone?