A week ago, my soon-to-be wife (April 26) told me she felt smothered and wanted to move out. I let the rift between us grow and grow and never asked anything about it up until that point and now I'm lost. I just walked in the door and everything of hers is gone and it hurts so bad. I drove her to this because I was controlling and now she needs space to breath. I love her so much and never truly realized how bad I was being until these past few days. I'm in such a fragile state but I discovered the law of attraction the same day this happened so I'm hoping that signifies a chance to save our relationship. I really just need some guidance and support right now and any received would be appreciated so much.
So you know what the problem is - she told you she felt smothered right? If you were controlling then that's something you need to work on for yourself - for your own happiness. Don't work on it just for her...improve yourself and become happy with yourself and then you will be able to be happy with her.
That said, she may not want you back - but if you take the time to work on yourself at least you will feel better and more prepared for any future relationships.
I have been working on the controlling aspect of me, as well as the other parts. I've completely backed off and allowed her to come and go without a single question asked. Until an hour or so ago, I've felt great and tried my best to send as much love as I can muster her way and I'm finally feeling better again. I suppose she might think this is an act and it will stop soon so I suppose I'll keep improving and sending her love. It would be devastating to lose her because I have come to accept her son as my own and I am his dad. I suppose this is the part where I just need to let go and show my faith.
There is nothing you can do to win her back except to become 100% happy with yourself. You haven't done anything that needs fixing.
You just need to pay attention WHY you were feeling controlling, and do nice thoughtful things for her when the opportunities arise. Don't do anything dramatic or whiney.
If her son is old enough to want to maintain a relationship with you, he will reach out. But don't USE him as ammunition to win her back.
Assume she is gone, and she may give you another opportunity, by being curious why you are not acting in the way she expects you to. Trying to win her back by declaring you will change things about yourself is giving away your power and it will backfire. It'll only make you appear weak and begging for her, which she will see as another controlling behavior.
Keep your chin up, go find some men to get drunk with and KNOW that you are still on her radar.
If there was no child involved, my advice would be a little bit different, but not much.
Do you have children together?
All the support and guidance you need, is in your brain and your heart right now. There is nothing you need to fix. From this point on, your lesson in remembering to pay attention, is all you'll ever need.
I am willing to be your friend.
Our son is not mine biologically, but in every other way. I'm learning the lesson about paying attention very quickly. I can look back and see how I manifested so much negativity into my life now.
Forget the behaviour, what is the feeling underneath the behaviour. In other words WHY wew you controlling? Did you try to be controlling because you feared you would lose her? If so, then you created the exact thing you feared so a perfect example of creation.
People come into our lives for a variety of reasons. It may be that she came into your life only to teach you this thing about yourself. If so, then her reason for being there is done. All you can do now is take a look at your life because that is the perfect result of what you truly believe inside. If you don't like how something has manifested in the real world, then work on changing that about you. You need to get to changing how you feel about the topics for their to be a vibrational shift in you. As you do this, you will start to notice your life change. At that time, she will either come back or someone who is a vibrational match to where you are at that point will come along. The important thing is to always acknowledge honestly where you are right now and use your feelings to help you move on from there. If it feels good to you, then you are on the right path, if it feels bad then you aren't.
This may help, a recording of Abraham-Hicks on recovering from a break up
Try this --works when u work it ;)
Thanks for all of the replies everyone. She and I are still a couple and things are better, but she may want to move on. Either way, I am accepting and happy for whichever decision she may make because I know I can be happy with or without her now. I have released her and she seems filled with joy now but I still see that she expects my old ways. That will take time I suppose. I have focused intensely on my own happiness for the past week and I must say I feel better now than I can ever remember feeling. When she walks away from me, I blow her a kiss and send love instead of trying to hold her back. I do want her and not just our son. She's been nothing short of a blessing in my life.
I think the root of all the problems that have shown up in my life is I forgot who I wanted to be and instead starting shifting into a lifestyle everyone told me I needed to live. Outside of this relationship, my family business started to struggle and I began working nights as a security guard and then working in my business during the day. I hated the thought of even getting out of the bed, but that is all gone now. I put my two week notice in, but after one night into it, I quit because I didn't think I could handle it anymore and so much of my burden vanished. My business is recovering and I seem to be finding money everywhere I turn now and I'm also giving it away whenever I get the chance. I love my life again. Thank you all for the replies once again, they have helped me immensely.
Sorry to be negative, but as Jeff Foxworthy jokes, "If a woman says she feels smothered (or needs time away), if she isn't already riding, she at least has another pony picked out and saddled."....
If this is the case, kick her to the curb.... She will probably come running back, but you cannot take her, because it will enver be the same... and as Tom Petty says,
"You got lucky babe... when I found you!"
Don't beg.... Win her or lose her, save your soul... don't beg.