Every day, I have been seeing skull signs, and they are appearing like crazy! On people's t-shirts, hats, posters, commercials, my phone, the internet, etc. One morning I woke up and it was the very first thing I saw when I turned on Google, and then the same thing happened another morning. I was also playing a video game, and 3 skeletons hung themselves.
It sounds to me like the universe is saying that my old self has been killed off and is no more. This is a very very good sign.
I even had this vision the other day multiple times:
The universe always sends me visions related to video games as well. It looks like some sort of transformation is taking place, because not too long ago, my LOA therapist said she felt some new vibration emitting from me. I wonder what this all means.
"Your depression is not coming from not having a woman, it's coming from sensitivity. This is the reason why you turned away those women, and then bottled up that guilt for years."
- Inner Self
And this explains why I felt like a murderer during the Abe Hicks seminar on stage. It was very hard for me to picture myself with a woman, because I got over emotional and sensitive about things. This is not the same thing as abuse or mistreating someone, and this is why evil doesn't exist in our universe, because everything requires thought and reason behind it.
"Fear and hatred go hand in hand. Due to your fear, you had hatred for God/source and were viewed as a puppet, which is why you turned. Nobody is ever a victim, because you are God/source."
- Inner self
Damn!! I just did a virus scan on my computer, and the computer read "99% file.manifest."
Holy crap!! So the new girl is already at 99% manifestation, meaning the last thing now is to receive. Taking a look at the script, I'm expecting another 1 - 2 weeks.
So my psychic and I have been texting back and forth, and we seem to think whatever is going on in my head is related to depression and PTSD from the past. I told her that the reason why I wasn't able to find someone was because I was over emotional about being in a relationship. I would cry, get a nervous breakdown, or really upset when a woman was interested in me. I told her that deep down inside my subconscious, there's more to the story going on. She says my subconscious is copying a story from a video game which is disempowering me, and says the law of attraction will work against me due to this. I'm getting closer and closer to finding the truth.
A new year is here. It's time to move forward, one step at a time!!!
In the script, I entered some new commands into my subconscious. The first one was outcome independence, meaning I no longer feel that I need a woman to be complete and am already complete. This will help me as far as getting other things done other than thinking all the time about the script or the woman I'm supposed to meet.
The second thing I entered was that I renounced the player mentality. I no longer deceive women, and am someone who is honest about a relationship. Based on what I've seen, the player mentality is causing the situation to be a player thing with no commitment. This is where the games end here.
I entered into the script that I now attract women that are seeking a marital connection. This will keep women away that come off as players, or ones that are just looking for a "good time".
The fourth is confidence. This is literally a requirement, so all fear is removed as far as having thoughts of her having a boyfriend, being shut down, living conditions and so forth. This makes it so I am not sabotaging myself, and I can approach a woman regardless of the situation. Being that the player mentality is gone now, I feel more at ease where I don't feel fearful.
The fifth is me being "the one" instead of searching for "the one". God's left and right hand, a diamond in the rough.
The sixth one is where I no longer have hateful thoughts about women. When getting in a conversation, I no longer want to rebuke women over little things or twist things around. This will also erase any rage that flares up.
In the script, I made things a little easier where the story takes place somewhere simple. The night club scene did not work based on my vibrations, so I picked a place where I know for sure this person will appear.
Very interesting. After texting back and forth with my psychic, I noticed the law of the seduction taking place, but it wore off the next day due to lack of interest. I'm playing around with scripting here, and it does indeed work wonders. She asked me to go pick up some food and cigarettes for her, but I wasn't able to make it. Me wanting to go to bed with all these women is due to being highly sexed, but if I'm backing off at the last moment, then that means it's not in alignment with my emotions. When my therapist wanted to sleep with me on the side while she held on to her husband, I felt betrayed. I saw a vision of her stabbing me in the stomach with a large knife, and she looked into my eyes whispering "go to sleep."
In the beginning before this whole thing started, it wasn't the women of the planet that betrayed me, it was I that betrayed them. I did not stand up for myself, and I robbed them of the fairy tale they wanted. This is where the PTSD is coming from, because I felt as if I did some form of evil, and Graysen said I didn't. Those people at that seminar looked at me like I was a damn murderer on stage, they don't know the whole story. They don't know that I was overly sensitive about relationships. But at that time, Esther/Abe on stage told me there was no source of darkness, and they weren't going to judge me. This depression is not coming from lack of a girlfriend, it's coming from the thought of having a girlfriend. Even when I was married 5 years ago, my ex-wife picked up on this, and she knew something was up.
The thing I have to keep in mind is that anything sexual that takes place will involve infatuation between the two people. This is why when two people play each other, it doesn't end well, because their emotions were not in harmony. This is why my Torah teacher was against one night stands and people going to clubs, because he said it was like a farmer going to the field for one day. However, I cannot speak for everyone. Some people enjoy doing this, but I noticed it always ends that way.
More and more energy is drawing me to the giant mall by my house, and that's where the girl shall appear. Jennifer seems to have shifted to Aerith Gainsborough, and this is due to the change in my thoughts and emotions. No woman on this planet will reject me, because she will know I am the real deal.
This energy you feel of anger and fear is only a habit from the past that has been practiced, and it can be eliminated. Your true self never hated women, this was a false persona you adopted. Your past is over.
- Inner Self
I've been smelling perfume a lot over the past week. The manifestation is nearly complete.
This will be the third time I've manifested and created someone that resembles Aerith. This will be my most accurate creation, because I have more wisdom and power today than before.
YES!!! We are getting closer!! I checked my script again, and noticed a character in my story said this...
“but seduction is always infatuation. This is law. When you sleep with a woman, you will get your feelings involved.”
Women on my job have been giving me dirty looks based on what happened last year.
"A woman will not leave you unless you vibrate thoughts of her leaving. The same applies to friends, family, and so forth. Master your thoughts, and you will find paradise."
So it looks like I found the origin of where this thought pattern began even though it's not relevant in resolving this. It came from back when I first had the thought and then it snowballed from there. The thought came from stuff that happened with my family when I was a kid, my childhood, and things got worse....and worse...and worse. So now, I have to find ways to help me focus.
I went through Abe's Ask And It Is Given again. The book said several times that the source of happiness and joy comes from the mind first before the manifestations begin. So in order to find happiness in real life, I have to find happiness in my mind. This is true, because I remember this whole thing started when I fell into depression years and years ago. When I find this, I will able to bring a girlfriend, friends, and family into my life. Just like in my video games, a new file will be created.