Quite some time ago, I wrote a post about attracting a specific someone versus a "generic soulmate."
At the time, I had already previously attracted back into my life two former girlfriends, and I was then deliberately intending to attract back a third, specific girl--one who I was/am sure was my soulmate.
Now that I've had a few years to practice what I wrote, I have a few observations to share.
In short, I succeeded--sort of. I definitely succeeded in attracting her back in the form of many serendipitous meetings, hugs, long conversations, etc., over a three year period. Here's what I learned:
1) Attracting back a specific person is FREAKING HARD! The reason is fairly obvious if you understand the LOA and the way the human mind works.
The single biggest obstacle to attracting back a specific person is that it is exceptionally easy to be aware that he/she is not back with you right now. By this I mean, it's very, very easy to MISS him/her in a powerful way.
Think about it--if you were attracting a generic soulmate, there are three big differences over attracting a specific person:
i) You don't even know who this generic soulmate is yet, so your mind stays OPEN TO POSSIBILITIES instead of focused on one specific person. Not knowing who your generic soulmate is prevents your egoic (storytelling) mind and your rational (logical) mind from getting too much in the way of the manifestation process; they can't muck up your vibrations by weaving intricate backstories, rationalizing past mistakes, or constructing complex "hows" as to how the Universe must return your specific someone to you. You remain vibrationally OPEN.
ii) You haven't formed any negative memories yet with your generic soulmate, so there're no blocking, "don't want" vibrations mixed in with your "do want" vibrations. Yes, it is possible to form memories with a specific someone you haven't even been with, such as a movie star you saw on a poster, because seeing that poster is itself a memorable experience, complete with the feelings that stirred up within you (lust, love, feeling like you're not good enough, etc.)
iii) With a generic soulmate, it's easier to live in the NOW (and possibly in the future, if you're not good at using the LOA yet) than in the PAST (with memories of your specific someone).
We see now why so many LOA and relationship experts recommend remaining open to love from an as-yet-unknown "generic" soulmate rather than focusing on one specific person: it's so much easier to use the LOA when you are OPEN and in the NOW, unencumbered by PAST MEMORIES.
That said, IT IS POSSIBLE to attract a specific someone. Aside from succeeding with my beloved, I tested this out on two other women from my past, and I attracted both of them back too. One called me out of the blue five years later, wanting to get back together. Another called me back four years later, talking about leaving her husband to be with me. (This was just a test of my manifesting abilities to make sure they still work, LOL. Specifically, I used RS the way I knew worked before.)
There is one more big caveat that I'd like to share about attracting back a specific someone:
2) IF YOU SUCCEED, OFTEN, BOTH PARTIES BRING BACK THE SAME PROBLEMS THAT CAUSED YOU TO SPLIT UP IN THE FIRST PLACE.
Yeah, I didn't expect this one to happen. I mean, if the LOA says that we can attract that other person back by focusing on what I love about them, shouldn't I only attract love back from them and not the problems we had?
I asked my relationship coaches about this (they're famous authors of bestselling soulmate books), and they all said that yes, it usually happens that rekindling soulmate relationships bring back the deepest problems within both partners. In fact, the authors of "Undefended Love" said that this distinguishes a soulmate relationship from a non-soulmate relationship: a soulmate relationship challenges us to face our deepest, most intimate wounds and heal them together. These deepest personal wounds, of course, manifest as gigantic problems within relationships.
But the challenge of attracting a specific someone is more difficult than dealing with wounds on a conscious level. You've heard the term "muscle memory" before. Well, as it turns out, according to Moshe Feldenkrais and other scientists, the body itself stores memories (also called "identities" and "states"), not just within the brain. Our unconscious memories therefore are recalled from all the parts of our body except the tiny conscious part of the brain. This is in a very direct sense why FEELING good is so much more powerful than THINKING good--feeling happens in the entire body.
Here's the challenge, though. With a specific someone, especially someone you've actually physically been with, our bodies store some extremely powerful memories. For example, think of someone you've had amazing sex with. Do you feel that strong pull in your loins as you remember actually having sex with them? That's your body's memory, and it's many times stronger than a purely conscious memory like remembering the capital of North Dakota. It's THAT in-the-body feeling that is the secret to using the LOA.
But with a specific someone that we've broken up with, those in-the-body memories are usually strongly bad feelings: the pain of breaking up, the powerful, desperate longing, the unfulfilled lust. These are SHARED WOUNDS that must also be healed along with the personal wounds in order for the relationship to continue. Worse, these shared wounds are felt deep within the body.
It's the shared wounds that posed the greatest problems to me and my beloved. She couldn't let go of the pain I caused her, and so my apologies never reached her heart. Looking back, I realize that I attracted this very thing. I thought that because I had gone to all these relationship seminars with these famous authorities, I'd let go of the shared pain and should be attracting a version of her that had also let go, but what I learned was that until I also let go the in-the-body shared memories, I will attract the version of her that still holds that hurt.
So the lesson is that we need to forgive and FORGET not just consciously, but unconsciously, deep down into our bodies. Of course, this is very, very difficult work, requiring diligence and extreme self-consciousness. I am still working on pushing my consciousness down into my body, gaining awareness of the wounds and memories hidden there.
In many ways, it is simply easier to choose to focus on a new, generic soulmate, which is an easy and fast way to shed the shared wounds (because those wounds belonged to the past relationship) and heal any carried-forward personal wounds (which might have originated in past relationships but can't be left behind with those relationships) than to try to re-attract a specific someone.
It is interesting that people tend not to appreciate the irony of how hard they find it is to attract someone (like an ex) who they believe is their 'soul mate '. Surely, if they are trying to do this based on their belief in LoA, then wouldn't it follow that if that person is their "perfect match" he/she should actually be easier to attract?
If it ever feels hard, that's because you are not a match. Can you become a match? Of course; to anything. But do you want to make any other human being the standard by which you decide to experience your life? Apparently some of us do.
The encouragement is to become a match to the best of yourself, the best of who you really are; and in so doing, require that for anything to enter your experience, it has to be of a standard that matches YOU. That way, you get the best of both worlds: you get to be you; and you get the best of what you want entering your experience, knowing that for it to even be in your world, it had to be of a quality that will please you, allowing you to relax and enjoy it.
Very well put. Yes, it is interesting how people allow outside circumstances (such as a specific person they see that they desire) define and limit their beliefs. That's one benefit of having a "generic soulmate" defined by a list of desired qualities. Truly, the sky is the limit if you can write anything you can dream of in this list.
But for many, reality obscures the divine possibilities, and so they choose from amongst what or who they see in front of them.
As for a "perfect match" being easier to attract, that is actually what is happening here. What I have described above is a person that has attracted their "perfect match," which turns out to be unexpectedly PERFECTLY BROKEN. As the attractor is broken, so is the soulmate broken, and of course so is the relationship.
I saw this in my own relationships and successful re-attractions. Why did my soulmate and I attract each other? Why did we attract the break-up? It turns out that we were identical not just in the positive ways but in the negative. Both of us undervalued ourselves, were afraid to love again after having been badly burned, and were not truly interested in commitment even though we claimed to be. Actually, it's scary how completely alike we were AND how powerfully, easily, and rapidly we came together and then busted apart.
This is where the current LOA authorities and sources really fall short, I think. They say, somewhat glibly, "oh, just feel good and that's what you'll attract." But there are two caveats to "feeling good."
1) Feeling good is not enough if it doesn't go deep enough. I certainly felt amazing when my beloved and I came hurtling together, two broken people perfectly matched to each other. It felt absolutely ecstatic when we were together, so why didn't more good come rushing into our lives?
Let's look at it a slightly different way. A good friend, Rose said to me something along the lines of: everybody thinks that their lover is their soulmate when they're head over heels in love with them. And yet, if you think about it, everybody's romantic life can be described as either:
i) breakup, breakup, breakup, breakup .... currently with the one (maybe--we won't know yet until death parts us)
ii) breakup, breakup, breakup, breakup .... breakup, currently looking for the one
So why do such powerful good feelings in each relationship so often end in break-ups and sometimes not?
A more poignant question is, why does my beloved continue to attract the same type of man over and over again, in the same way that I used to attract the same type of woman over and over again? We each fell deeply in love with each identically-broken lover. No one can deny that we felt the highest highs of love and happiness with each failed relationship. So feeling good isn't enough, at least not in the conventional sense of the term.
As I understand it, the way the LOA requires us to feel good goes deeper than that, deep down into our souls and even deep down into our bodies. We have to feel good all the way throughout, not just "on top." When my beloved and I were in love, we were temporarily tapped into our loving essences. But this tapping-in didn't do anything about the underlying wounds we carried, which can also powerfully manifest things--all bad, of course. It was as if the loving tap-in was happening in some part of us while the bad tap-in was temporarily dormant.
2) Feeling good implies ease. I tried this route. Really tried it. I went with the flow on everything and did nothing that seemed hard. We're talking the Eckhart Tolle "sitting on park benches in a state of ecstasy" approach involving quitting my job, letting relationships drop away, totally living in the Now. Yes, life was amazing, I felt joyous all the time, and I basically became a Buddhist monk meditating all the time in the beauty of the moment, if you think about it.
But if you do this for a while, you'll eventually run up against the matter of desire. Buddha's answer is simple, shed your desires. But what if you don't desire to? What if you desire something more than this?
Jack Canfield says in "The Secret," "Our family has a rule: if it ain't fun, don't do it." Of course, if you actually get his book "The Success Principles," he actually goes through a lot of ways in which you can get yourself to do something that "ain't fun," like going to the gym, or making those cold calls, etc.
My favorite movie of all time, "Peaceful Warrior," talks about the way in which we combine the living in the joy of the moment with the seemingly conflicting desire to grow, to achieve, to attain. If you watch the movie, it can't be all that fun for Dan, the main character, to swim and run with a shattered leg still healing from a car crash.
This is a paradox that exists also in relationships: to attract the highest and best soulmate, we must strive to become a match for that highest and best soulmate, and that often means going deep inside and doing the terrifying and painful work needed to heal some deep-rooted wounds. Not fun, not relaxing, not easy, and yet, it pays the highest dividends.
Well, believe it not, LoA "experts are not off the mark when they say that we should just keep feeling good.
Doesn't it amaze you how much effort it takes to convince people and ourselves that it is good to feel good? We say yeah, I know, but then do the opposite; we worry and fuss and doubt and argue for our limitations, all because we claim the end result will make us feel good.
Feeling good has to be justified; if it isn't, something's wrong or we're just weird. Feeling something just for the sake of feeling it is considered odd.
The reason why those relationships that started so well no longer attract the "good" is because of our shift in focus.
When we first meet, we look for the good in each other; in fact, we look for the best, hope for the best and put our best foot forward; the more time we spend with each other, we decide we want to "get to know each other better". It usually starts going downhill from there. We start wading through the other person's life putting things into categories; "I like that", "I don't like that" and we start becoming sloppy in our focus. It is no longer about taking what feels good and leaving the rest out; it is about grading and judging and concluding. It is called deliberate focus for a reason; and it is a habit that, when developed, is most empowering; because it encourages emotional independence. No longer will any other person be required to modify who they are or their behaviour to ensure our happiness. However, we often look for love with the intention of compensating for some sense of lack we feel in ourselves and end up looking in all the "wrong" places for people who are going to consistently behave in ways that please us, only to find no one can.
Feeling good, as Abraham often points out, is just that; feeling good. But it often feels like a big deal because of how unpracticed we are at it. It is our natural state of being, yet we have to work at it. LoA requires nothing of us, but taking advantage of the leverage it can give requires us to have little or no resistance, which is indicated by how good we feel. Feeling good on the surface or trying to slap a happy sticker over something that feels like the opposite is not feeling good at all, but being in denial.
The Secret is a great book/DVD that introduces people to the law of attraction in an arresting way. But it is the tip of a very big iceberg; the good news is that those who want to know more will seek the information and find it.
If we were predictable, limited beings and always wanted the same things in the same way then negotiating the art of allowing wouldn't imply. But it is an art form because it requires daily application; it is a negotiation that does not have to be scary or painful because every negative emotion is an indicator of a desired positive emotion, which we can switch our focus to and practice it, but it does not really work if it is a part-time hobby; it has to be a lifestyle choice.
Feeling good is a lifelong PRACTICE. It is something we have to master, to excel at, to make an ongoing habit, to LIVE.
My favorite analogy for this is weight loss. The rules of weight loss are simple and easy to understand: "Eat less, exercise more." Do that, and you will lose weight. But as we all know, simple and easy to understand doesn't translate into easy to do and keep doing...
Nor is it fun--it takes discipline, self-sacrifice, which are parts of the ability to focus.
Sometimes it's fun to pig out on a big bowl of ice cream. Sometimes it's fun for me to tap into those ol' feelings of victimization by reading the Sunday news and getting outraged at the injustice in the world. Do I feel good later? Not when I've attracted that tummy-ache, spare tire, and burglary, etc. (all things I really attracted by going with the short-term feel good).
How did you attract your ex girlfreinds back? Which methods did you use? Only Rs? For how long and how many times a day?
And how long it took to get them back?
Your post give me hope, i want my ex back
But of course, you will only attract the same issues, because you are focusing on the same person; those problems did not come out of nowhere; it is a co-creative dance. Keeping them requires that you keep being a vibrational match to who they are; which no one can. Not consistently. Of course if you were being a match to who you really are and they were too and then those two versions matched, you'll be laughing all the way down the aisle, because then you are both being yourselves AND being a match. So it will be a divine long lasting relationship. But it takes doing the work of connecting to who you are and making peace with the fact that the other person might not want to do that. That IS their choice and their right.
In which case of course, you are no longer a match.
RS was the primary tool in my manifesting toolbox and the one that got the most obvious and powerful results.
It actually only took one session for each of the two women I tested my skills on, BUT, I think that this is because they are already closely in alignment with me AND also that I didn't have nearly as many blockages as with my truly beloved.
It took months of RSing to attract back my beloved the first time we re-met. After that it got easier as my belief and happiness began to skyrocket. Each success fed into the next, and things happened faster and faster. It only took one session per week or so. Here's the key: RS only works when you are truly in a happy, loving, sexy mood. It backfires on you if you are feeling longing, desperation, "bad" horniness. It also backfires if you force yourself to do it when you don't really feel like it. That's why I did RS so rarely--I learned when to strike when the iron was hot, and when that happened, then it worked wonders. In some cases, I got a phone call within the hour. The longest I had to wait for something to happen after a particularly powerful RS session was two days.
Other tools in the toolbox were mostly internal and personal. I used Tolle-style meditation (marveling at the beauty of the Now, especially in Nature), cut out negative influences like some friends and the news media, turned away from unhappy activities and career/work towards my own passions. These tools proved to me that the LOA works and simultaneously raised my vibrations so that I could more easily use RS successfully.
Lol.. So even RS requires someone to feel good... People keep trying to find ways around it, but we just can't escape it.
I don't want to feel good; I just want my ex back... :-))))).... Hmmmm
Wow only in 1 session they wanted you back!! That is awesome, i wish i could do RS so well.
How do you exactly do the RS? Which things you tell her? Do you use wendi friesen rs cd?
And how long are your RS sessions?
It's not nearly as methodical and systematized as you might think. No CDs, no set time length, etc. I tried those, of course, and that whole series of experiments helped me figure out that the only rule is that you have to be totally into what you are sending to him/her.
You have to really believe and feel and just EXUDE love towards them. If you can't do that, don't bother. Just wait until you can.
The only other thing that seems to make a big difference is whether or not you get your all of your body involved in the sending. It is possible to send from any or all of your chakras. You can send with your mind (head), your heart (chest), your gut, and your loins. Get all of those involved, and DAAAAAAAAAMN, stuff happens fast!
I have figured out some things that help me get into the RS, such as starting with a daydreamed happy conversation. It could be about anything, but it's happy and loving--we're both right there together, smiling, laughing, etc. And we progress towards the bedroom, if you know what I mean. All the while, I am periodically stopping and asking the Universe to send my love to her, to make sure she feels the love I am sending her. I know if I'm successful by how much my body get involved in the whole feeling of love--it will tingle all the way down to my toes.