Nearly 4 weeks ago the man i love broke up with me. I have so much anxiety and feel some overwhelming gloom and having bad dreams.
I DO want us back, as I felt we were so close to having the relationship that we both want. Until i went to his work and he introduced me to his coworkers, and then he felt ignored because i was having a conversation for one minute. In my perception, to break up over that is so lame. Now I am grieving and feeling so anxious and wondering when this nightmare will be over.
I believe in working things out. I do want us back, that's all i have ever wanted with us. I feel it in my core, my soul we are good for each other, and that it isnt fully over. Even thou he has stated to me its over and is adamant of not getting back with me. I have read other examples of this when partners have said not getting back and they do.
I meditate and visualise the same scene with us and feels really good.
Surprisingly when i got Reality Transurfing book, i saw a small chapter on how to win back your love
It says "If you wish to win your partner back, you will have to give him the focus of his inner intention. Do not judge him for wanting to find confirmation of his worth in you, for you also wish to receive something from him.
Define the focus of your partners inner intention. Turn your aspirations towards fulfilling your partners inner intention. As soon as your actions are redirected towards fulfilling your partners needs your own inner intention will be transformed"
anyone that knows about this, can you elaborate please.
Thankyou and appreciate your help.
I can recommend a book by Serge Kahili King called healing relationships, this book explains in detail what relationships are and about how to relate to one another. theres so many posts on here about the same thing as you struggling with, and the replies are very much the same every time, so I really don't know what else I could add apprt from recommending some more reading material. there is a lot of good advice on this forum about this same subject all you have to do is sit down and spend some time reading replies to those similar posts to yours and boom theres your advice, although somehow every individual think their case is different to the one before that and the one before that one, it isn't different.
yeah i was hoping for me with the question with transurfing thou, cannot find any more info on google about that.
“In my perception, to break up over that is so lame.”
That’s not why you broke up, it’s not the vibrational reason. The vibrational reason was, you needed him to love you so you could feel loved. You took responsibility for his emotions and made him responsible for your emotions.
“Now I am grieving and feeling so anxious and wondering when this will be over.”
What are you waiting to be over? Are you waiting to get back into the relationship with them or are you waiting to get back into the relationship with yourself?
(Here’s a hint, the first one never causes you to feel negative emotion.)
“I do want us back, that’s all I have ever wanted with us.”
That’s exactly how your Inner Being feels about you. Except they always feel your connection and just want you to feel it as well.
“. . . how to win back your love . . .”
You’re not trying to win back their love. The whole premise seems to be focused on them in order for you to feel good. But your emotions have nothing to do with them and everything to do with you not fulfilling your own intentions and getting into alignment and focusing on what you want.
It’s not your job to fulfill someone else’s needs, nor can you. Plus, you’re only doing that so that they will love you, not because you want to do that with no expectation of anything in return. Which will ultimately lead to you feeling disappointment and/or resentment because it would be always up to you to fulfill his alignment which is something you cannot do.
Right now i observe via FB he is self sabotaging so that is his alignment at the moment, which is his problem.
His Inner Being does not see that. His Inner Being only focuses on his well-being. Always with him and guiding him. He is perfectly on his path, just as you are on yours.
Here's a little video.
Will Smith Instagram on Love and Happiness with Your Partner
oh yeah thats true and thats potential for his journey to grow from
I felt we were so close to having the relationship that we both want.
You may have felt that, but judging by his actions, he didn't share that feeling.
Until i went to his work and he introduced me to his coworkers, and then he felt ignored because i was having a conversation for one minute.
What a big baby! How petty and insecure can you get?
Now--Is this really the kind of man you want? Is this what you feel you deserve?
In my perception, to break up over that is so lame.
In the perception of any sane and reasonable person, to break up over that is totally lame. But the truth is, that's not why he broke up with you. You didn't do anything wrong; it wasn't the straw that broke the camel's back. He was already looking for a way out, and that's what he used as an excuse.
If it's any consolation, it says a lot in your favor that he had to resort to a dumb, shitty excuse, rather than anything substantial. He couldn't even come up with a good, solid, not-lame reason to explain why he wanted to end things!
That said, whatever his excuse, it's not the real reason he ended things. The real reason is that he wasn't as invested in having a relationship with you as you were with him, and he wanted out. What he was feeling wasn't at the same vibration as what you were feeling, and relationships that have a serious vibrational mismatch are always going to end unless the partners consciously choose to bring themselves into alignment with each other.
Now I am grieving and feeling so anxious and wondering when this nightmare will be over.
It ends when you decide it's over. It ends when you decide to change your perspective on what happened, and start telling a different story about it.
It ends when you quit focusing on his absence, and your feelings of loss, and fear that it's all gone forever--and start focusing on all the possibilities that are open to you, now that you are free from that relationship. You're now free to get with a man who will adore you and treat you accordingly. All of the energy you put into keeping this relationship going can now be channeled into something that will make you even happier, and for which you will be appreciated.
Yeah, I know--the end of a relationship can feel like going cold-turkey on an addiction. The need and craving and feeling that nothing is going to be right again unless your partner returns can be overwhelming. And, in a sense, it is an addiction; bonding with a partner releases all kinds of lovely brain chemicals--oxytocin in particular. The warm, contented, connected feeling you get during the best moments of even a bad relationship is what keeps people--especially women--hooked and coming back for more, and separation from the person who triggers its release is like being in withdrawal. That's why we see so many people here desperate to get their exes back, including ones who obviously had very dysfunctional relationships.
So if you really want help getting over him, go find another reliable source of oxytocin, one that is not a romantic interest. You don't have to be like me and go full-bore Cat Lady, but if you like animals, finding a way to spend time with them can really do the trick. I volunteer for a couple of animal rescues in my area, and if I arrive in a down mood, or obsessing over something, it's evaporated long before my shift's over because interacting with the animals releases all those happy neurotransmitters. That's where Esther Hicks got the whole, "Go pet your cat" thing, and why Cat Ladies are a thing. For a lot of people, it's babies and children that do it (oxytocin's crucial in mother-infant bonding, as well as between romantic partners).
That said, it's been a while since I read the Transurfing books, and since the translations are so poor I only retained a few useful things. I don't recall the passage you've quoted, for example. But it does make sense that in forming, strengthening, or fixing any relationship, understanding what the other person most deeply wants, and how they long to be seen, and accepting and supporting that, can be instrumental.
But I've said it before and I'll say it again: all of the "getting your ex back" techniques only work if the other person actually wants you back--and you cannot make them want you back if they don't already. On top of that, unless both of you change your vibrations so that you are finally in harmony with each other, you'll only end up driven apart by the same issues that led to the original breakup.
The LoA is great for bringing together people of like vibration, but you cannot manipulate or force or wish another person into wanting anything you want them to--including you. And before going any further, ask yourself this: if the roles were reversed, and you had broken up with him, and didn't want him back, how much good would all of his yearning and pleading and insisting that you were meant to be together do? If you really didn't want him back, wouldn't all of that stuff just disgust you, and reinforce your lack of desire for him, and make you wish he'd just go away?
That pushing-away is exactly what you're doing. It's what just about everybody who comes here wanting their ex back does. It's a normal impulse to do everything you can to "win" them back, but it's counterproductive as hell. It pushes them away, and it keeps you focused on your broken heart and the hole in your life that you need them to fill again so that you can be happy. From an LoA perspective, it's just a disaster.
You deserve better, and there is someone fantastic out there, wondering where you are, waiting for you to come along. The door's wide open. But you've got to turn away from the old door that's shut and locked, that you're beating your fists bloody against, if you're going to go through that new door to something better.
Thankyou Vortician, i appreciate your response :)
Well he seemed to be very cut about the idea of 'being ignored' he told his dad. His dad told me that he was really upset about the idea i was having a small conversation with his colleague he doesnt like, who has a huge ego. So and then he tells me we ended because of the arguing? Last arguement was December and couples do argue. So its like he is looking for smooth sailing, no arguement relationships?? No such thing or is there?? hmmm
I am open to another person coming into my life at some stage, and yes i do deserve :)
oh yes i do love animals too, i remember volunteering at a cat kennel place and it was nice :) love cats
I'm a little late to the party; it sounds like you received some solid advice already. Just to reiterate, that seems like a very silly reason to break up with someone, on his part. I'm sure that's not the whole story, though it definitely sounds like it was spurred by insecurities. Maybe he was jealous of you talking to his coworkers and feared losing you? There seems to be a lack of communication between the two of you, and a misunderstanding what happened.
Also, don't assume you did anything wrong. He might've broken up with you because he couldn't handle it - due to his insecurities. This may be a great thing, as it can give you a chance to find an even better partner and work self-improvement. If you do wish to get back with him, I would strongly recommend clearly communicating with each other and seeing what the problems are and where both of you stand regarding them.
Thankyou Astro, yes and that is the reason i am in disbelief with his excuse. No chance to have discuss it, cut cold in breaking up with me. No time out on his part, snap and broke up. I am feeling so much hurt from all this. Last time we broke up, he went to move away for a job and that seemed less of pain (yes painful but still he was much nicer to me about it) this time alot of animosity, resentment and thou he has stated he does love me and care about me, but i feel this hate energy too. I have been having bad dreams about what he is doing at our rental house and tonight he is actually having a party there. My intuition knew it would happen and I am not impressed. He wants me to leave, like telling me i need to get my stuff and leave? Its like he is treating me like i cheated on him?? which i didnt, so bizarre this experience. I am not leaving until i am ready, so i am staying at my soul sisters place till i feel stronger in myself. Plus awaiting my landlord to visit any day now.
I know I didnt do anything wrong. I did tell him that. He really seems sincere about the breakup over me was about talking to his coworker and he feeling ignored. If it was going to be a problem why introduce me, couldnt give two shits about the guy. I dont know why he doesnt see his actions. I am responsible for my behaviour and actions and take ownership to it.
I am working on myself slowly, doing exercise with my sister, i am open to another man and open to my partner returning and yes making sure we clearly communicate our Non negotiables, agreements, everything. Do not wish to go through another breakup in the future, my heart is too sensitive.
Question: I was focussing on the vortex version of my partner and i. So i still see him and I together, in my meditations too.
How to communicate with him to apologise to cause hurt on him for what he think i did? I know i didnt do anything wrong. I do understand on his side why he would be upset? I feel he did over react. Someday we may need to talk about it thou. I just want him to know. As well i want him to know my point of view too.