I keep asking this and It seems the answer is alluding me. I've been on and off this forum trying to go in my own head and make peace - somehow - with my existance and the things going on with my life, the things I want, and how to reconcile that. And now it's almost my 25th birthday (in 8 days) and it seems like my humanity catches up with me on every birthday. I don't feel old - I know I'm young and all that, it's just that this hole believing/having faith and trust thing is really proving to be difficult. I really am asking for help here. Because the one thing people say to me, is the one thing I don't understand.
Some say " visualize and believe what you want is your own." I do that with the apartment I want, the furniture (I've even done a word document of the apartment furnishings I want, my cooking utensils etc). The job I want (Again done the visualize kind of look book thing in this case as well), I've even put together work outfits, have my "interview" outfit laid out, everything. In terms of the relationship I do the same damn thing - I feel the joy of being in it, I feel EVERYTHING and it feels amazing. Then I'm back in my real world and It's being in contact every second with people I want nothing to do with, it's being at home with no job and bills to pay and trying to be positive enough to have faith that the job is coming . I am so damn qualified for every job I applied to, especially the one I have my eyes on. I deserve love and I deserve human contact.
Some people say stop "wanting" to be with someone/in a relationship, and it will come. Honestly what is that? If I don't want to love and be loved then I shouldn't be alive. I have enough love for myself to cover the world but honestly I do feel lonely in this house, with these people where I am, and I couldn't begin to explain the conditions I live under. Can someone genuinely explain to me how I'm to visualize/do whatever to be in the place I want to be in my life when you live in dire situation at home. Seriously, I am not over-stressing this here. I need advice for overcoming an AWFUL and EMOTIONALLY draining home life unlike ANYTHING I can begin to put into words.
I know everything that I want, but I need help to realize it. It's another birthday coming, and here it is looking exactly like it did last year. And I honestly don't know how much more I can take. I know LOA is about being happy, and It's really hard to just see past everything. Please I need more advice then "have faith" believe" I know I need to have faith and believe, but easier said then done teach me HOW. Because I can be all gun ho and positive here, but when I'm off here, it's me, myself, and I to carry it off.
Wow, I really needed this. Thanks for starting this conversation, Ada. I'll be 23 in December, and I'm facing a lot of the same problems and even desiring the same things (job, apartment, relationships).
Much thanks to FCH and MissLovely for your replies! They really, really helped me.
You're welcome Mari. :) It's just your birthday brings you to humanity you know? I'm 25 in 8 days and I'm waiting for the job, waiting for the apartment, waiting for the man. It's like why am I waiting when I'm visualizing so much? How do I get past the existence I'm in. No one seems to be able to give me any concrete advice.
It sounds like the birthday issue has also put a some presure on you as well
maybe something that you didn't need, If the attachment to birthdays mean
that your getting older & what have you achieved at this time in life is something
we could all live without.You have to remember the one important thing & that is
YOU REALLY HAVE the FREEDOM to CHOOSE the way YOU FEEL, so be it.
AS Bashar always says Circumstances don't matter, only State of being matters,
The last time i celebrated my birthday was at 18, no lookin back & couldn't be
anymore happy about that. as you can party when ever you like.
Choose what you want out of all of this & go for it in a positive way
Best to you & Let your birthdays be a constant reminder of happiness & joy