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Yes, I recently left a wound in someone I care about, I blurted something I did not mean, yet it came out. I feel so deeply sorry for what I said. Now they are left with a wound and soon scar. Learning self compassion. I have really learnt from this. Must think before I speak and question myself if it is helpful. Remembering also if I do not have anything nice to say, don't say it at all. I am still slowly forgiving myself. How can I make this better?
I want to be kind, loving, thoughtful, mindful, caring human being, that I already know but out of frustration I said something and yet saw a side of me that was not me, was dark, yet part of me, ick
Let's take a look at what is real and true and what isn't. You said something to someone that you would rather not have said. You said it because you were in fear in that moment. You regret what you said, and feel sorrow and remorse for it. All of that is true and real.
What is not true or real is that you did any "wounding" of the other person. Remember, each of us chooses how we feel in each moment. This other person is free to choose to feel "wounded", and they are also free to completely ignore what you said, and not let it affect them in the slightest. You have no power or control over what someone else feels or thinks about anything. How they feel is up to them and has nothing to do with you. Ever.
The reaction that you had which led to you saying what you did is indeed part of you. Until you let the fear go, so that you don't go into reaction, it will remain a part of you. The ways of being that you say you want, you have to allow that to be part of you. Wanting is not allowing. Allowing is allowing. Remember, you are not who you say you are; you are who you allow yourself to be. =)
Ross - Tolemac
Thankyou Tolemac, I keep rereading your message so it sinks in, as its true. :D