I can completely empathize with your issue! I spent many years buried in my own negativity--worst part was, I thought of myself as an optimist! LOL!
I can send you some healing energy, but it will only be a temporary emotional fix. Your first instinct to my next words will be--at best--to think they can't possibly apply to you; at worst--you will decide to be deeply offended and go into mental/emotional battle mode. Be aware of your response, because it is part of the key.
The only way you will get out from under your negativity is to look for and find the hidden "reward" you get from these thoughts and habits. Does it make you feel "better than" someone or something else when you engage in these mental battles--is this something you have to do to convince yourself that you are worthy? Look deep and hard--start observing yourself when the negativity surfaces. It's a great sign that you have already seen this quality in yourself and want to change it!
Meditate or pray, and ask your guides to lead you to what needs healing. You can ask them to do this in your dreams, and allow you to remember the dreams and/or their meaning in the morning. You can also ask them for help in recognizing the emotional trigger that prompts your negative response. These are almost always self-worth issues fed by an over-protective ego.
If you would like, I can recommend some good books for you to dig deeper into this. When I treat a Reiki client, there are almost always emotional issues creating blockages in the energy body that we have to clear and deal with, before--and mostly after--they create symptoms in the body.
The great thing to look forward to is the moment you realize what the core issue is and address it--the feeling will be a huge emotional release, and then this incredible flow of energy and lightness of being!! Truly something to look forward to!!!
If you could choose other thoughts that manifested entirely different results, would you want that right now? do you believe you can have them?
I invite you to adjust the word - "natural" just a smidgen - as most mentality's running in people's heads include other rather limited, conditional ideas and thoughts intertwined with the ones pressing on you now that were simply naively accepted along the way of you desiring love and acceptance from those around you growing up.
'natural state of your mental realm is more than likely humming quite quietly, in alignment with your true essence - therefore if your conditioned mental images seem to be running in total opposition to that vision, well, of course it would feel like an exhausting wrestling match going on within and of course you'd want to get that out any way you know how!
So...Acknowledge your awareness of what you don't want - celebrate that you know they are not what you want at all.
after a couple deep breaths going in and out counting 184.108.40.206. both ways...shift the focus a little bit to this question:
what are mental thoughts you have the power to choose that can feel more pleasing, softer, more easier to focus on?