GUEST: About some uncontrollable teenagers: When it comes to a point
where they're doing things that are not coming from your integrity,
how do you allow them to live their lives and keep your integrity
intact at the same time.
ABRAHAM: By minding your own business.
We certainly understand that, as a mother, you are wanting to guide
them -- but we have to say to you that this is what is going wrong
with most of society. They're saying, "I have this idea of what's
right, and when I focus upon what I believe is right, I have a nice
connection with my Core Energy. Uh oh, but I see you're not doing
what I need you to do for me to have a connection, so I need you to
follow my laws. I need you to believe as I believe, in order for me
to be connected." And we say, even if you could be dominant enough
in that one's experience in order to control the way he lives, there
will always be another who will not be a match for you. And so, what
happens is, as an individual, then, you join groups. You say, "We
need more influence. We need more power of influence to make them
behave. We need to pass laws to make them behave. We need to get
punishment to make them behave." And we say to you, "Is it working?
Are they behaving?"
What happens, when you want to impose your beliefs on someone else,
even if you are right, and we all think we are, don't we? Whenever
you want to impose your beliefs on another, and they are not in
vibrational harmony with your beliefs, they just find more devious
ways to go about what they want to do. In other words, they'll
pacify you. They'll pretend that they are minding. They'll pretend
that they believe as you do, but they'll continue to vibrate and
attract as they are vibrating and attracting.
So, the alternative that we recommend goes more like this. As you
see them doing something that you disapprove of, and you feel that
contradiction going on inside of you, and you are afraid for them or
you are worried about them or you are angry at them, if instead of
saying to them, "You must not do that because I can't feel good,"
instead say to them something like, and feel the match in this, "If
I were standing in your physical shoes, I would not be choosing
that, but then I'm not the one standing in your physical shoes. And
as I worry about you, I recognize that it's from my place of
vulnerability that I'm worried about you, so I'm sort of
superimposing my vulnerability on you. In reality, I know who you
are. I know that all is well for you. I know that I can trust you to
do what's right for you. In other words, somewhere, along in here, I
just have to back away and allow you to live your life." And then if
you have opportunity, and if they are asking, teach them about your
Guidance System. Teach them about their Guidance System -- but then
release them to their own experience. Otherwise, you will drive
yourself crazy and them too. Now tell us, if you want to, what's
bothering you most. In other words, what is it that they are doing
that has you so concerned?
GUEST: Stealing and drugs and not going to school.
ABRAHAM: All right. Now remember earlier when we talked about the
Nonphysical Energies that are coming forth. They are coming forth
absolutely knowing their freedom. And when they come into a society
that's wanting to confine them. That's wanting to send them through
the curriculum of school. That's wanting to guide their every
thought... These freedom seeking beings are feeling great
consternation at that. In other words, to know that you're free but
to be observing evidence that you are not. Can you image the tug of
war that's going on inside.
Now, they have discovered that the drug eases their sense of this
struggle. In other words, when they are smoking or experiencing the
drug, they don't feel the contrast so dramatically. Now the drug
isn't the answer. All it does is dull their sense of disconnection,
but it is at least evidence of their attempt to try to get into a
better feeling place. And, of course, the stealing is just a by-
product of that. It's just a stronger statement that says, "I want
so much to feel better. I'm wanting so much to feel who I really am.
And since I can't do it in what I'm observing in this confining,
restrictive society that is so anti, so opposed to, who I really am,
I take this drug -- and when I take the drug, I don't notice it so
As physical beings, you are very creative about the way you fill
that void. And what we mean by that is, when you are a vibrational
match to your Core Energy, and your Core Energy is flowing through
you, you feel confident and secure. You feel good. There's not any
void to feel. But if you've been thinking you're not enough, if
you've been angry or blameful, if you've been fearful or guilty, if
you've been the way the society's has been teaching you to be -- and
you are one of these powerful Energy beings -- you're feeling a
great contradiction within you, and the drug eases that discomfort.
Imagine a car going down the highway at a hundred miles an hour and
the car slams right into a tree which is standing in the middle of
the road, causing a big problem. There are two factors involved in
the problem. One is the speed of the car. The other is the tree
standing there. If this car were only going five miles an hour, even
if it hit the tree, it wouldn't matter much, and at five miles an
hour, it could go around the tree. Or if the tree were not there at
all, the car could go 200 miles an hour or more and not cause any
problems. The reason we give you this analogy is because the speed
of the car is synonymous with desire. The tree standing in the road
is synonymous with contradictory thought to that desire. Those are
the doubtful, fearful, mismatching thoughts.
So, these children that you are talking about were born with their
car going faster than almost anybody you know. They have desire for
freedom. They have desire to live life in a more dramatic way, but
society in all of its worrying and in all of its confining has
provided for them these trees that they keep banging into. Well, the
drug makes it not so painful when they hit the tree.
We notice as we watch society, as we watch physical humans, that
you've found many creative ways to fill that void. You buy one more
thing and bring it home or you take drugs or you drink alcohol or
you eat food. In other words, you're forever trying to find things
that soothe that void -- when in reality nothing really does it
other than finally connecting to the Non-physical Energy.
So when you say to them, "You're doing something that's very wrong,"
all you're doing is inflaming. You're just making a bigger tree that
they're banging into. When you say, "I trust you and I know that all
is well and I know that you are freedom seeking and I know that you
are going to find your freedom," then you help to help them lower
This issue of drugs is very much overplayed. We agree that it is
illegal, and we certainly understand that doing something that is
illegal would cause resistance within most of you. If we were
standing in your physical shoes, we would step back and try to
adhere to a bigger law and that is the law of trying to feel better,
the law of trying to find some way in this sort of crazy world of
reconnecting with who I really am. Now, rather than condemn their
drugs or condemn anything that is helping them to achieve the drugs,
which is the same as saying, rather than trying to thwart their
attempts to feel better, what you're wanting to do is withdraw your
attention from that and focus upon who they really are.
As you focus upon who they really are and you trust that this is a
phase that they are moving through and you trust that this is their
statement that they are wanting to connect with their pure Energy
and you look for things to appreciate about them and you remember
who they really are and in your mind you paint scenarios of them
living happily ever after and you acknowledge them getting through
this and you acknowledge them coming to these decisions on their
own -- you will find them, little-by-little, withdrawing from that,
because the crevasse between who they really are and who they are
being in this moment will be filled with that Energy that you are
flowing. In other words, the drug will become less necessary as they
find other ways of connecting to their Core Energy.
Now a very powerful rule of thumb is this. Remember that as their
mother, or as a stranger who just wants to uplift, your goal is
always the same and that is to help them connect with their Core
Energy. Because if they were connected to their Core Energy, they
wouldn't need the drug. So, here's a powerful statement for you to
remember: You can never blame somebody into their connection. You
can never find fault of somebody into their connection. You can
never demand somebody into their connection. You can never make a
rule somebody into their connection. You can never bomb somebody
into their connection. You can never jail somebody into their
connection. All of that trying to exclude the part of them that you
do not want excludes them from their connection, or your influence
relative to that. You appreciate them into their connection. You
love them into their connection. You praise them into their
connection. You trust them into their connection. You see the best
of them into their connection. Which feels better to you? When you
appreciate those kids or when you worry about them? So which is a
match to who you are? So what you're wanting to do for a
while...don't have this conversation with them. Don't try to teach
them anything. Just try to hold them in your mind's eye more in the
image that causes you to connect, and we promise you that when in
the privacy of your mind, you're loving them and appreciating them
and knowing that all is well about them, then any time you focus
upon them their receiving some of that, so then they don't feel you
as a threat that they have to hide from, they find you a friend that
they are willing to confide in. Then they open to you. They talk to
you about things. They give you opportunity to guide them. They ask
you questions that you can now answer. They don't try to pretend
that they are something else because they know you are going to flip
out if you really knew what was going on. Everything will be all
Abraham -- G-3/17/96
Forbidden Belly Button Ring
GUEST: I don't get along with my father very well. He has very
contradictory ideas about what I want to do, and I was wondering, if
he wants something very strongly... Well, I want to pierce my belly
button and he does not want me to do that. It's like a sin, and so
if he is wanting very much for me to have a whole complete belly
button without any holes or anything, and I am wanting to have a
belly ring, how will that work out?
ABRAHAM: All right, now, let us show you what's happening here.
Teenagers are the one example in all of the Universe that defies the
Law of Attraction as we know it to be. (group laughs) We are having
fun with you. What happens with any two groups or two armies or any
two people that are wanting something different from the
other...what happens is, as your father knows clearly what he does
not want and gives that his attention, he is disempowered, which
makes him mad at you, because it is his attention to you that makes
him feel so bad. As you see your father as someone big and strong
and in your way from what you want, you are disempowered, which
makes you want to blame him for the way you feel. You're both using
each other as your excuse to not be connected to your Energy Stream.
So as each of you, independently from each other, focuses upon what
you don't want, momentarily, because that's always the best way to
identify what you do want... So your father would say, "Well I know
what I don't want. I don't want her puncturing her body. I know what
I don't want. I don't want her wearing something that is a symbol of
something that I don't feel comfortable with. It could mean any
number of things. But it is representation of something that I am
not at one with. I don't want her getting a belly button ring
because I wouldn't get one. I don't want her getting a belly ring
because it makes her appear to be something other than what I want
her to appear to be." Now, having said that, his desire may be
erupting within him, and so then he could begin saying, "What I want
to include, relative to my daughter, is I want her to be so at one
with who she is that she acknowledges that all is well with her. I
want her to feel so self-sufficient about who she is that she
doesn't have to do anything faddish in order to fit in. I want her
to feel so confident and so comfortable and so connected to who she
is that she just radiates the essence of that and doesn't feel any
desire to go the way of the fad. I want her to acknowledge that her
magnificent body is young and beautiful and delicious, and I want
her desire to be to hold it in that place forevermore." Now, if your
father is saying those kinds of things to you, we don't think you'd
feel so much resistance about it. When he taps into the pure essence
of his Nonphysical Energy and expresses that to you, you would not
feel nearly so much resistance.
Bless your negative emotion.
Appreciate your sensitivity to it,
and when you are aware of your excluding,
stop and acknowledge what it is you want to include.
Now, let's say that you're saying, "I don't want somebody telling me
what I can and cannot do. I don't want somebody else making their
decisions for me. I don't want somebody else making the decisions
about what I do with my own body." So you know what you don't want.
And then you begin making your statements of inclusion. "I want my
daddy to realize that I'm all grown up. I want him to know that I
really know what I'm doing. I want to be self-sufficient. I want to
All of a sudden, when you both start including, you find yourself
saying the same kinds of things. In other words, you are in absolute
harmony about what you want. And the belly ring is superfluous to
any of it. Get it or don't get it. It doesn't matter. You can both
still have what you want.
What you want is knowledge that this is your body. What this desire
for this belly ring is, more than anything, and believe us, we've
seen a lot of them, we know why people are getting belly rings. It's
a protest that says, "I can't control what you're doing in
Washington. I can't control what's happening with the government.
And I can't control what's happening in the Middle East. And I can't
control what you're doing with our finances in our family. But I
damn well can control what happens to my own belly button!" That's
what you're saying, isn't it? It's your statement of acknowledgment
that "I am free to be." Now we promise you that your father does not
disagree with that. As a parent, he wants your independence. But on
a very deep level, he knows that independence is not about
rebellion. He's been there, too, you see.
What we would encourage you to do is don't take action on it right
away. Give it a little time. Maybe thirty days. And over the next
thirty days, think about why you want it. Really get into that place
of inclusion, because we know that the statement that you're really
making to your father is, "I just want to be grown up, and I just
want to make more of my own decisions." And as you vibrate there and
don't do something... You see what happens?
It's tricky, isn't it. Because, in your desire for more
independence, you do something very radical that makes him push all
the harder against. You feel less free with this new decision on the
table than you've felt in a long time. Don't you? And so, don't take
any action. Just smooth it all out in Energy and watch what happens.
It won't be very long before the kinds of things that you'll be
hearing from your father sound more like, "Well, kiddo, I wouldn't
do it if I were you, but it's not me and I have to trust you. This
is your life." Those are the words you long to hear from him, but
until you are in vibrational harmony with that, you can't attract
those words from him. As long as you see him as someone that's in
your way, you're not ever going hear those words. You have to
pretend him there. You have to envision him there. You have to
achieve vibrational harmony with that image -- and we promise you,
you will evoke more of that kind of thing from him.
GUEST: Thank you very much.
You are loved. All is well.
Abraham on Teens
Workshop Boulder, June 5 & 6, 1999
ABRAHAM: It's not your job to make someone else vibrate. It's only
your job to vibrate.
QUESTION: Does that also apply to parents raising rebellious
teenagers--where they haven't had their own full life and maturity?
ABRAHAM: Oh, even more so. [laughter from the audience]
QUESTION: How should parents deal with guiding their children and
their children's free will?
ABRAHAM: Yes, big topic isn't it? We'll give you the big picture
here, and then we'll leave you to work out the details--which is the
way it has always been. That's the joy of life. Here's the big
picture. Here are these energies coming forth--these new beings
coming into these bodies--these old beings coming into these new
bodies with new fresh eagerness to experience. And here's the
generation before them and one the before that and the one before
that who have been banging around, who now greet this new clump of
spirits saying, "Oh boy, if you knew what we KNOW." And they're
saying, "Oh, no, we've come forth to remind you of what you've
forgotten." And they're saying (the adults), "Oh if you only knew
what we know. We need to tell you the paths we've been down so that
we can prepare you for that path." And they say, "No, we have a
different path. We have a different path. Our path is different."
And they (the adults) say, "No, your path is the same is ours, and
it has been hard in this way and this way."
What we are getting at here is that the generation gap will always
be because it is divine. You come forth with a fresh eagerness and
invincibility and a desire to examine the contrast without the
biases that have been bogging everyone else down. Feel what it
feels like to be born into this perfect environment with all of this
to choose from and then have someone say, "Don't choose that. Don't
choose that. That's a bad thing. That's a bad thing." What they
are wanting to say to you is, "I have a guidance system within me,
and it isn't possible for me to choose wrong because if you will
leave me alone, my intuition will let me know this feels better than
this, and this feels better than this."
So as a parent who is understanding the law of attraction and the
guidance system that is born within your children, what you are
wanting to do--you have one goal and one goal only, and that is to
be a catalyst, to assist them in connecting to their source. So
much parenting happens from the place of seeing the child where you
don't want them to be or where they may not want to be--and then as
you see them there, losing your connection from source and then
trying to guide them from your disconnected place. Every law, every
rule in your universe whether it is secular or sacred comes from
that place of disconnection. You have never made a good law,
because every one of them has come from a guarded place of being
more aware of what you do not want. What you are wanting to do is
to understand that they have guidance within them--that if they are
in tune with it, it will always serve them.
Let your children know that you trust them. In other words, you are
wanting to serve as an empowerer. The way to know how you are doing
is to ask yourself, "Which feels better--that's how your guidance
system let's you know how well you're doing at fulfilling your
intentions. So, which feels better? Your child is a teenager going
off with a group of teenagers and you don't know who they are or
what they've been doing on the Internet or what they have been
thinking about. You don't know. So off they go. Which feels
better? To assume the worst or to assume the best? Which feels
better? To be suspicious and to think they are sneaking around
doing things they are not admitting to you, or to acknowledge that
they have guidance within them and they know their own limits and
that they are testing their own boundaries and they are discovering
about themselves? Which feels better? To fear for them so that you
lock them up and contain them and keep them from having experiences
which might lead them astray, or to let them have experiences,
trusting that is the only way they are going to get their sea legs,
and that they cannot truly learn about life if they are not allowed
to live life? Which feels better? To assume they have no guidance
system whatsoever because they are too stupid--and so you need to
make rules and then enforce them--or to understand they've got
guidance within them that is with them every single moment and that
if they had been encouraged by you to trust how smart they are, they
would always make the right decision at the right time? Which feels
better? To speak to them in these terms--"Now I know I'm older and
wiser than you are and you really don't have enough experience to
make the right decision, so go forth timidly and don't do anything
without asking me," or to say to them, "You are born as a brilliant
being with a guidance system and you have a smorgasbord to choose
from and I'm exhilarated by what is before you and I know the
decisions you make will always be appropriate for you." Which feels
better? Ask them to live by your standards (which never worked for
you)--where you say, "Here I stand in my perfection," or to say to
them, "You never get it done--every place you stand there's going to
be something more you want. And you have the potential to achieve
anything you want." Which feels better? To limit them or to offer
them expansion? Which feels better? To trust them or to doubt
them? Which feels better? To love them or to worry about them? In
other words, these are simple choices.
Sometimes you say, "But Abraham, you don't understand the times in
which we are living." And we say, "Of course we understand the
times in which you are living. It's always been the same. There
have always been those things you want and those things you don't
want--and those things you want for your children and those things
you don't want for your children. But the law of attraction has
always been the same--when you say NO to anything, you are including
it in your vibration. So when you say NO to your children, NO you
must not do that, what you are doing is making very sure that they
are including in their vibration the very thing that you do not want
them to include their vibration." And most of the time, they feel
that. They may not know what is happening. They just know this
dialogue with Dad or this dialogue with Mom does not feel good, and
they want more than anything just to get out of that vibrational
range. And they will go to any lengths usually to do it. And then
you say, "My children are deceiving me. My children are not minding
me. My children are not respecting me." And we say, "Your children
are following the guidance that is coming forth from within them,
and if you will know that and trust that and encourage that and
support that, you will find your children living expansive, exciting
lives that will thrill you every step along their path."
What is the very worst thing that could happen to anyone? They
could get disconnected from source energy. More parents are doing
the very worst thing that could happen to their children through
their negative expectations. Think about your own experience.
Which do you prefer? Do prefer to be trusted or doubted? It's
easy, isn't it? Do you prefer to be appreciated or criticized? Do
you like it best when somebody sees your magnificent potential, or
when they see you screwing up? What do you like amplified back to
you? Your positive aspects or your negative aspects? So as you
acknowledge which feels better, which feels better--and then you
always do that which feels better in relation to anyone who matters
to you--you will always be the catalyst you were born to be--the
catalyst to connect them to source energy.
(c) Abraham-Hicks Publications
For those interested in the subject of teens, this Abe CD is very insightful for teens, and for
their parents as well.
Here are the details for it:
Title: #22 Conversations With God, For Teens
In 1999 USA Today published an article: "If you could ask God any question… what would it be?" I presented those questions to Abraham and we published the recording as G-5-30-99. We recently discovered, our friend, Neale Donald Walsch's "If you could ask God any question…?" book: Conversations with God for Teens, and now it has been a thrill for me to present over 50 of my favorite "teens" questions to Abraham at our El Paso Workshop—and to now make the dialog available to you! Don't you wish we could have had this wisdom "back then"? Isn't it a blast to have it now?!
secretary reporting in, this is linked.
thanks pilar, thanks!
Yay! Thanks secretary....actually I'm more like the secretary in Abe by Topic...hehe... I'm glad that I was inspired to share those gems, as well as the ones on depression.
Thank you for linking the thread friend! That Abraham by Topic is an excellent source,